The process whereby coercion becomes consent is achieved by old- fashioned coquettishness rather than intimidation or violence.
(Anthony 1995: 120)
Seduction and conspiracy are then the psychological tools applied by ‘top’ and ‘bottom’ in order to be able to ‘play’. The ability to act is another crucial component for a successful ‘play’ session.
As every good actor knows, the effectiveness of the performance increases with commitment. Method acting involves intense preparation and fan- atical concentration, with the objective of doing as much as possible to conceal-from himself no less than anybody else-the actor’s real personal- ity, so that the role he is playing fills the vacuum: he becomes the charac- ter. (Anthony 1995: 160)
The dominance-display of ‘tops’ depends most of the time rather on the emotional powers and empathy of the ‘top’ than on physical displays of dominance. The application of emotional, moral and/or physical pressure and the administration of physical ‘punishments’ to facilitate the other’s pleasure, require a reflexive and empathic individual.
Anthony explained the role responsibility of ‘tops’ to me: “..., if you are a ‘top’ you have to be aware of how your ‘bottom’ is feeling at every sin- gle stage. A ‘top’ has to take responsibility, like a ‘bottom’ has also to take responsibility. A ‘top’ has to be aware of how exactly his ‘bottom’ is feeling. Is he O.K., can he breath O.K. ... Is he mentally O.K. Sometimes a ‘bottom’ might say: ‘Yes, I’m O.K. ‘ But they might not be O.K. as well. So it must be like a unit, you must have a sixth sense. You have to pick up on body lan- guage, breathing. And you might say: ‘Well, actually, I don’t think, you’re O.K.’ ”
Andrea: Because some ‘bottoms’ want to push and push their limits to so
much an extent that it might be not alright for them, even though they think they are fine.?
A.: Yes, yes. (Interview-file 3: 7)
The most important elements within the interplay of ‘tops’ and ‘bot- toms’ therefore appear to be reflexivity and empathy. The trust needed for these edge-experiments on the side of the ‘bottom’, must be matched by the empathy gained through experience on side of the ‘top’ that allows
9780230_522107_04_cha03.indd 115
him/her to take the other to the very idiosyncratic limits of pain and/or pleasure. The ‘top’ ideally must be able to ‘tell’ the exact condition of the ‘bottom’, the slight and fragile dividing line between the feeling of being hurt and feeling a painful pleasure. This also appears to be a thrill for most ‘tops’, the knowledge/experience of the whole individual that enables the ‘top’ to control the ‘bottom’ to his/her own benefit.
Within the Scene the words: “A good top has to be a bottom first” consti- tute the ‘Golden Rule’ of consensual ‘SM’ and are known to most practition- ers. Townsend (1993) calls this the apprenticeship of a ‘top’ and although several ‘tops’ in my sample as well as in the gay ‘SM’-community he describes, did not have this experience he cautions: “To be worth anything, you must know how it feels, and the only way you can properly experience this is to be on the bottom” (Townsend 1993: 79).
Apart from the ‘creation of a proper self-image’ of the ‘top’, Townsend men- tions the points that Anthony illustrated as crucial for a ‘top’, as well as the knowledge of practical skills which does not only imply the proper skill for the use of the tools but also an understanding of the different materials used.
‘Bottoms’, ‘subs’ or ‘slaves’ do not only carry out tasks and/or get ‘pun- ished’ but also develop a certain attitude towards the services they provide for their ‘Tops’, ‘Doms’ or ‘Masters’: “I pride myself (don’t let anyone tell you real submissives aren’t proud) on remembering how my dominants drink their coffee, fold their Jockey shorts, and like their necks rubbed. This is my art, my vocation” (Campell in Califia and Sweeney 1996: 185).
In order to feel more happy and balanced the ‘submissive’ has to fulfil his/ her needs for belonging and serving and therefore, according to Campell: “The collar that Daddy or Master or Mistress places around my neck reminds me that no matter how insane the world is, there is an island of acceptance and care for me, a place to come home to. When I play as a masochist, all I need to do is show up, communicate with my top, and keep breathing. ... But the joy I get from service is as intellectual and emotional as it is physical. Caring for another’s person and possessions is a mark of intimacy, affec- tion, and respect. I may be a fetishist, but I won’t do just anyone’s leathers” (Campell in Califia and Sweeney 1996: 186). The fulfilment of the need to serve and belong in this context as opposed to within ‘conditions of dom- ination’ does not imply unselective and general submission, nor passivity but choice.
Townsend described in the ‘Leatherman’s Handbook II’ (1993) how the dichotomy of ‘Sadism’ and ‘Masochism’ that in former times had matched the ‘playing’ of distinct and exclusive roles of ‘S’ or ‘M’ within the gay ‘SM’- community now has given way to a majority of ‘switch-hitters’. These obser- vations find parallels in Gosselin and Wilson’s findings (in Howells 1984) as well as within the results of my empirical research in London. As will be illustrated, the ‘old Scene’ in London was characterized by rigid roles while the ‘new Scene’ embraces ‘switching’.
9780230_522107_04_cha03.indd 116
Only very few of the people I interviewed were not ‘switching’ to experi- ence both sides of this consensual power game. Diabolo: “I do whatever my mistress tells me to. I do not like to switch. I did it sometimes, when one of my mistresses wanted me to but I do not like to ‘top’, it does not feel right. Only when I am asked to. In the Scene people often switch or do gay stuff, I don’t. I prefer to serve my mistress. Sometimes I can do small ‘scenes’ in clubs, like for example in ‘The Entrance’ but mainly I serve one mistress” (Interview-file D.: 1).
Within the current ‘hetero/bi’-Scene of consensual ‘SM’ there exists nearly an idealism of ‘switching’, many couples encourage each other to try out dif- ferent tools as well as positions.