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You may be reading this wondering whether I am suggesting you simply manipulate your words and actions to make it look like things have all changed when in fact they have not . To make it seem like deep insecurities you had when you are with him are no longer present in you, only to later reappear in your relationship . I am not . These changes have to be real, and insecurities, bad habits and negative patterns in relationships don’t go away over night without any effort . For many people they take years to make, if they ever change them .

It is precisely for this reason that it’s nearly impossible to trust a someone we’ve just tried to break up with when they come running

back with tears in their eyes telling us they’ve changed and they now know what they need to do . There is a big difference between knowing what one needs to do and being able to do it .

You’ll see this in movies . The guy doesn’t suddenly get back with the woman the first time she asks . He walks away, unsure of whether he can revisit that relationship . She cries at home, begins to feel a feeling of frustration and futility, and begins to accept the idea that it may never happen . With the acceptance comes a sense of calm, and she has a real shot at building her new life now that she’s not desperately clinging onto the result . She begins to make changes over the next couple of months, and when he sees her again, he sees all the changes she’s made, along with a sense of calm that he didn’t see before . Her value rises, as does her Perceived Challenge, and he has the sense that the changes are real because they aren’t motivated by the agenda of getting back together, but by real progress.

I hope you are beginning to see a theme here . The only way to improve your love life, either by getting your ex back or by getting someone new is by sustainable and measurable improvements in the quality of your life. You may not yet know how to truly rid yourself of previous insecurities . It’s all very well to say ‘I don’t want to have my jealous insecure streak any more’, or ‘I don’t want to fear him leaving me every time we are not perfect’, but the reality of eradicating these long held fears and insecurities seems impossible . I’ll say this now, if you really want deep level change to deal with your deepest insecurities so that you have unstoppable self confidence and a deeper feeling of self worth than you’ve ever experienced, come and join me in person for 5 days on my Retreat Programme . We’ll spend all day every day together working on making you the best version of you, and upgrading your life in every area . It’s a five day process where I coach you live in my ultimate formula for core

confidence and self worth . It’ll be one of the most transformative experiences you’ve had in your life bar none, and it’ll not only leave you feeling invincible in your own life, but you’ll look 1000x more powerful and attractive to everyone around you . If you want to apply to be one of my exclusive participants on this programme which I am able to run only three times a year, go to howtogettheguy .com/

retreat .

Let’s assume for a moment that you’ve already made these changes, and you’re with your ex . There’s something you need to be aware of in the way your ex could react to these changes . If you’re lucky, he’s the ultra confident and supportive type who will just love seeing these changes in you . But there’s a strong chance that seeing a more evolved version of you will bring up some insecurities for him . People generally aren’t good at handling change, so his first reaction may be to test that change in you to see if it’s real or superficial, or even in a more sinister way to see if he can make you revert to your old type . Don’t take the bait.

When you mention that you are going hiking and he says “I’m surprised to hear you say that . I always knew you to be such a princess who didn’t want to get dirty!”, your response shouldn’t be reactive by saying “well I’ve changed, you clearly don’t know me any more…” . You are not attempting to score points here, nor would you score any by reacting as such . Simply wear a knowing smile when he’s says it, give a cute playful shrug of the shoulders, and feel confident in the changes you’ve made . The more he feels you have nothing to prove, the more he’ll be drawn to you .

It may seem like a cynical point, but there will also be a sense on his side of not wanting to lose his investment just as it begins to come to full blossom . When he sees these changes in you, along with all of the time and energy that’s gone into your relationship in the

past, he’ll want to be the one to reap the benefits of the changes, not somebody else . It’s an unspoken message you are sending him that “If only we were together you would benefit from all of the ways I’ve grown” . Don’t be surprised to find that having made these changes you may in fact have grown out of him, something many of us only realize when we are faced with our old partners again in person, and not in our minds . If that happens, you’ll find yourself walking away with a big smile on your face regardless .

I suspect there may be some readers at this stage who will be indignantly asking the question “Why do I have to show all of these ways I’ve changed? What about him?!” If you are asking this question, I recommend you skip to the FAQ at the end of this document . The bottom line is, if it is change in HIM you are looking for to save the entire relationship, you shouldn’t be back there in the first place . If he has no motivation or thought about changing on his own, nothing you say or do is going to induce him to be any different right now . Unless of course, you want to hang around another five years to wait and see whether he does (Hint: You don’t)!

When talking about your life, and the positive things that have happened, it’s important not to frame these things just in respect to a relationship . Show how any changes you have applied have enhanced your life in general . Talk about new projects in your life that you are excited about; it’s very beautiful to see someone who is grounded in a sense of purpose that doesn’t come from their relationship .