Introduction
In the past, marriage in western countries was regarded as a lifetime commitment, but lately there has been a greater prevalence of divorce, cohabitation and single motherhood, which has caused some to declare a deterioration of family values (Featherstone, 2004). In recent years, moreover, the number of married couples has been declining, and there has been an increase in the percentage of single (never married) people, childlessness, and divorced people (Hara, 2008: 43). The idea of family has been gradually evolving from the traditional formal structure toward a new, more informal arrangement of closeness and commitment without strict legal bonds (Bird, 2004). In East Asian countries such as Japan and South Korea, although family ties are not as strong as they used to be, they still
influence in family life (Atoh, 2008: 20, Suzuki, 2008). In Japan there is a strong emphasis on family relationships and values, especially pertaining to marriage (Sato, 2000; Atoh, 2000; 2008; Ochiai, 2008). Parents still influence and affect the marriages of their offspring to a large degree (Sato, 2000; Atoh, 2008; Suzuki, 2008). One of my challenges in this study was to explore, how strong family ties and the patriarchal structure affect women’s fertility decisions, which is closely connected with Japan’s lowest-ever fertility rates.
Marriage
Advantages of Being Married
Before the Meiji period (1868-1912), even though Japanese men could legally marry only one woman, they would often be involved with multiple other women (Omekake). Wives were not protected by law, and men were not punished for
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taking multiple lovers (Hendry, 2010). Japanese women were not able to apply for divorce, even if their husbands had an affair. Men, on the other hand, could
divorce their wives for any reason they wished. Hendry (2010) explains that, in the past, it did not matter to Japanese men who they married for themselves; it mattered to their family. Today, however, things have changed. Japan has one of the latest-marrying populations, but one thing that has not changed is a strong desire to marry. According to MHLW (2010) 89.4 % of women and 86.3 % of
men19 express a desire to marry in the future. The top reason women and men cite
for wanting to marry is to have a children and start a family. (Atoh, 2008: 18).
Marriage is no longer necessary to have an intimate sex life in Japan20; the
freedom to have a sexual relationship is now an advantage of being single (see Chapter 1; see also Tokuhiro, 2010; Atoh, 2008).
Figure 15: The Benefits of Being Married
Source: Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare 2010.
http://www.mhlw.go.jp/stf/shingi/2r9852000001wmnj-att/2r9852000001wmt0.pdf
19
Single and married Japanese women and men between age 20 and 49; based on random sample about 70,000 random sample, with a roughly equal number of women and men. The ministry has conducted this same study every three to four years over a long period of time, and the rates have hardly changed.
20
There are various sex industries in Japan (see chapter 4). One is the ‘love hotel’ industry. Japanese single women and men who live with parents can utilize these ‘love hotels’ to have sex.
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Japanese men gain respect from society by marrying; twice as many men as women consider this to be a major benefit of marriage. Bernard (2002: 208) notes that, in the west, marriage is also a boon to men’s reputation and stature.
Bernard’s findings also apply to Japanese society, because more men are
connected to society by working outside, but fewer women are connected to other women. According to Benokraitis (1993), in Japan to retain the loyalty of
unmarried employees in the under40 age bracket, several companies had started to offer the prospect of marriage as a new incentive and had engaged matrimony brokerage firms to act as matchmakers. The respondents 51.9 % of the men and 49.5 % of the women said they wanted to married around a certain age (which happens to be around the mean age of first marriage in Japan) (MHLW, 2005). One of the major concerns was the desire to find a ‘perfect partner’ before marrying, with 46.7 % of the men and 49 % of the women mentioning this. Tokuhiro (2010) explains that Japanese women’s attitude toward marriage has changed more than that of men because of inequality: it is better to postpone marriage to wait for an ideal partner, rather than marrying early. Tokuhiro’s study noted that Japanese people care a great deal about the timetable for marriage, including the ideal ‘tekireiki’, or marriageable age, for their first marriage (Tokuhiro, 2010: 48).
Quantitative studies have often examined the economic based on women’s attitudes toward marriage (see Chapter 5). The results of the quantitative research are unclear as to what kind of financial reasons are compelling women to marry. Tokuhiro’s (2010) qualitative research discovered a generally negative opinion of the Japanese tax system among married career women, though fewer single and non-career women held that opinion. When Japanese women work after marriage, they will be taxed more unless they are working on a part-time basis (see Chapter 5). Moreover, quantitative studies might have missed some of the other nuances of Japanese women’s attitudes toward marriage. The majority of Japanese women and men want to marry, yet, paradoxically, they believe staying single is a better option for both women (87.6 %) and men (81 %), with a greater number of women holding this opinion than men (MHLW, 2010; see also Chapter 1). Recent
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generations in most developed countries have found greater benefits to being single, such as greater freedom, independence and autonomy, compared to being
married (Hodkinson, 1993: 43; Athoh, 2008; Hara, 2008; Suzuki, 2008).Some of
my highly-educated respondents, Kiyomi and Eri in Japan, and Sakiko and Suzuko in the U.K., said that it is important for partners in a marriage to share similar values and support each other. Kiyomi’s case is unique (see Chapter 3 and 6) in that she is the only married woman in my study who says she is happy after marrying (see Chapter 6).
I married my husband because we had common values. I did not marry my husband only for love, since I thought that love was not more
important than sharing the same values. So now I was happier than when I was single, because most people do not expect men to change, but they will. My husband and I had some differences, but eventually I had, in addition to a very good job and financial independent, a beautiful child and an understanding husband, sort of (Smile). He never stopped me from working. If he had not been happy and I had not been happy, we could have gone on to lead separate lives. But I did not want to choose living separately because of my child, and my family. I thought I had been wise not to choose only ‘love’ marriage. (Kiyomi, married with a
child and has a job)
Kiyomi had married a wealthy, understanding and supportive partner, but she said she loved him because they both had the same values and the willingness to share responsibilities. Compared with other participants, Kiyomi feels very fortunate to have her husband, but even in her interview, she said ‘understanding husband, sort of’ with a smile. I asked her ‘What do you mean “sort of”?’ She said ‘He is not perfect, but I am pragmatic and did not expect too much from my husband; rather, I knew what I wanted and what to expect from him before marrying him’. She is an exception in that, unlike the other respondents, she was able to purse a career as well as having a family. She has enjoyed more independence and has had more
choices available to her in her life.Although she does not intend to separate from
her husband, she is independent and knows that she has the option to leave if she ever so desires. According to Hasegawa and Nagase (2006), many highly
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while pursuing a career would be problematic, and they are not willing to change their lives. Fewer than 30% of mothers in Japan continue their careers after giving birth (Hasegawa, Nagase 2006). In contrast, in Sweden more than 70 % of women continue their careers after having a child. While in Japan, marriage and children are hurdles which women must deal with if they hope to pursue their careers, these hurdles are much lower for highly-educated women in other developed countries (Kimura, 2008; Ochiai, 2008). Ema is single, has higher education, and she knows what she wants.
When I was younger, I wanted to have all for my partner, focusing on material things, such as a beautiful car, gorgeous looks, a high education, and higher salary, but now I feel I need more moral support,
understanding and kindness, and not the material things he has to offer.
(Ema, single, employed full-time).
She is independent and is looking for more than just financial support but that is proving to be harder for her to find her ideal partner. These are weak areas in Japan, so it is difficult for an independent woman like Ema to be happy with her partner after marrying like Kiyomi. Are there many supportive and understanding men seeking marriage in Japan? It seems not. It could be very difficult for Ema because Japanese men often look for women with a lower level of education than themselves to be the dominant person at home (see Chapter 1). As women grow older, their attitudes toward marriage change. The number of younger women who would like to marry is high, but after age 30 the number of women who feel that way is significantly smaller (Segawa, 2006). The gap between younger women who want to marry and women over 30 who want to marry is 16.7 %, compared to men with a gap of 3.6 % (MHLW, 2010). What is stopping women from choosing marriage even when they would like to marry? According to Figure 14 (Benefits of Marriage), one of the top reasons stated was to start a family and having children. When women cannot have children, however, they cannot see any benefit to marrying, so after age 30 the intention to marry declines. Men seem to have no comparable age limits to having children. Or it might be that seeing and
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hearing other women’s negative impressions of marriage may cause women to avoid marriage for fear of the freedom they would lose (see Chapter 3).
Quantitative research does not clarify the decision making processes involved. In my research, I have found why and how women lose interest at a later age, which I will explain later in this chapter. More and more Japanese women and men are staying single longer. What is the advantage of being single?
The Advantages of being Single
Though it is almost unimaginable by modern standards, seeking marriage soon after graduation was a status symbol of success for American college educated women in the 1950s and 1960s (Cherlin, 1992: 8). ‘A ring by spring or your money back’ was a popular saying for that generation, during which it was not uncommon to see women marrying at the age of 21 in the U.S.A. (Cherlin, 1992). Now, most women and men in developed countries are postponing marriage and remaining single longer (Cherlin, 1992: 8; Holloway, 2010). In Japan there is an expression, ‘dokushin-kizoku’ (single nobility), which refers to the fact that single Japanese people have more freedom and live more comfortably than their married counterparts, and are supported by their parents longer (see Chapter 1). Morihara (2006) found a gap between being single and being married, explaining that Japanese women and men enjoy being single because they are spoiled by their parents. Children live with their parents for a long time, until they are married, which is common in Japan since parents have still the economic power to support their children. Yamada (1997) called these adult children ‘parasite singles’, whose mothers support them by cooking, cleaning, and washing their clothes for them at home. Atoh (2008: 26) argues that living with one’s parents for a long time until marriage can cause some to postpone marriage, because life with their parents is very comfortable, especially when their mother does domestic work for her children. However, after marrying they find the new reality to be quite different, with issues ranging from family and financial concerns to changed spouses. It
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benefits a son’s image when his mother takes care of domestic work, and even after marriage, many men expect to continue this same pattern with their wives providing domestic work. My research echoes Atoh’s theory on how a patriarchal, male-dominated social structure will eventually lead to a low fertility rate.
Figure 16: From the Patriarchal System to Gender Role Responsibility to Fewer Children
Atoh’s theory states that the expectation of men is that women and mothers will do all domestic work, specifically men’s mothers (before men marry) and men’s wives (after men marry), making it very difficult for women to maintain a career. My own findings confirm that without any support from either the government or their husbands (see Chapter 3), women must finally leave their jobs and rely on their husbands. Some single participants are aware of this pattern, meaning that some of them cannot decide whether to marry or not and even some married participants are afraid to become mothers, because of the overwhelming commitments and responsibilities of being a mother. Women are also enjoying being single; however, there are different reasons (and some similar reasons) that Japanese women and men take advantage of the single life.
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Figure 17: Advantages of Being Single
Source: Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare 2010.
http://www.mhlw.go.jp/stf/shingi/2r9852000001wmnj-att/2r9852000001wmt0.pdf
It is hard to choose between a comfortable single life and a married life with less
freedom and more responsibilities. When I saw this research (Figure 2)21 it
reminded me of two things; one was the scheduling of my interview around Saki’s busy schedule (see Chapter 2 and 3). She did not have any time for herself, she wakes up earlier than husband, takes care of family and sleeps later than husband, and on average was sleeping only 6 hours. The other reason was that the majority of married respondents complained about their husbands spending days off with friends, while my respondents had no days off and were constantly working full time at domestic work and, for some of them, part-time jobs (see Chapter 3). Men might be less concerned about spending time with friends and family (see Figure 16), because this might not change after marriage. Women are more concerned about having relationships, careers and their standing in society than men (see Figure 16).
I have a great relationship with my mother. She is not only my ideal mother but she is also a great wife. She would have done anything for me and for my brother. She worked when she raised us, even though she did
21
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not care for her job, which was making envelopes at home. She chose the job because she did not want my brother and me to feel lonely after we came home. Though her job was very low-paying and was not satisfying, she did it all for us. She did almost all of the housework too. She was a wonderful mother. She gave us everything we asked for, both emotionally and financially. When I needed someone to talk to about important matters, I was able to talk with my mother. I am not sure if, when I do marry and have a child, I can be like my mother (Chiho, single,
employed full-time).
Her mother was always there to do everything for her, and Chiho realised that her mother had had to give up a lot in raising her and maintaining the family. She felt a great deal of pressure and worry about marrying and having children. According to Okazawa and Ozawa (2010), many women from the younger generations experience this same kind of stress, making it difficult for them to marry and have children. That is, they are afraid of having to make the same kinds of sacrifices their own mothers had to make. Young women growing up take note of gender roles in the home, with fathers considered the ‘head of the household’ and generally more important, while their mothers spent their energy on their
husbands; these young women now do not identify with or want to emulate their mothers’ roles (Murray, 2000). During the interviews most of the participants expressed good and positive views of their own mothers and their relationship with them, with no differences between single and married participants. None of my respondents’ mothers had a higher education level than their daughters. Since those mothers had difficulties in accessing higher education, it perhaps influenced their attitudes in focusing on education and saving every penny to raise their children (see Chapter 5). Yet some participants felt very negative toward the cultural archetype of motherhood.
It was a while ago that I became a mother for the first time, but I was very worried about being a mother. I knew it was a big commitment. I knew that even a dog or a cat has to be taken care of it until it dies, but a child is a much larger commitment. I cannot give up on them; I will have to take care of them as my responsibility until I die. It is therefore not appropriate for me to do something fun by myself. I feel that I have to have fun with my family. Sometimes since becoming a mother I have gone out to be with my friends, yet I felt guilty spending the time and money. I still feel that using money only for myself is kind of wasteful. If I had to
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choose one word about being a mother it would definitely be ‘patient.’ To have one’s own children is a precious thing but it is hard, and so before I became a mother I was worried about taking on such a responsibility. (Keiko, married with children and housewife)
Most of the respondents used phrases like ‘big commitment,’ ‘pressure’ and ‘huge responsibilities’ to describe motherhood (see Chapter 3). There were no apparent differences in views between single and married participants, since everyone felt at least some degree of apprehension toward being a mother, or more accurately, being the archetypical Japanese mother. I found that many participants indicated that they felt pressured to be like their own mothers when they themselves had children, because their mothers set a high standard of responsibility. They felt that their mothers had been perfect and still were (see Kamamoto, 2001). For some participants, marriage and motherhood means they must transform themselves into traditional Japanese women ‘Yamatonadeshiko’ to take care of their husband and children (see Chapter 3). It also involves pleasing their parents, so some respondents decided to marry someone for wealth or higher income instead of love. Kamiko (Married with a child and housewife) chose to marry into wealth, but came to regret it because her husband changed. What, then, are the differences between those who marry for love and those who plan their marriages more strategically? Those who had married for financial reasons thought that they should have married for love instead, assuming that they would at least have love, while those who married for love felt they should have married for wealth, so that they would at least have had enough money to take care of themselves and their children.
Ren’ai : Love Marriage
In Japan after World War II, the number of arranged marriages steadily decreased as the number of marriages based on love increased (Atoh, 2008: 18). Japan also has fairytales about looking for the perfect partner, or Japanese men are looking