In the course of putting your skills into practice, you will encounter resistance. You could try to reason your way through these objections, and likely be partially successful.
If you choose an emotional approach, you will stand more than a fighting chance. The principle of negation rests on acknowledging the resistance you encounter, at the same time including embedded commands into the mix.
Look at the following:
• Yes, you’re right. I shouldn’t be asking for a lower price. I shouldn’t be pressing so hard to get a better deal out of this discussion. And you don’t have to agree with everything I am saying right now!”
• Yes, you don’t need to imagine yourself a month from now, having accepted all the conditions I’m asking for now, already having been totally satisfied with our partnership, and looking back on today as having been the start of it.
Quotes
Quotes are a way of repeating what someone else has said (but it’s what you want the person you’re talking to to hear). When the direct approach (saying what you want to) will not likely work, having someone else say it in the form of a quote would work very well.
Here’s an example:
• “I was walking down the street, when I overheard this guy say to the person next to him “Hey, could you imagine that she passed up on the opportunity to partner with the big company? She just gave up on a huge quantity of new business! It’s unthinkable!”
• “I was sitting down at lunch with a colleague and he looked at me and said “Hey, you know for every one of us, there’s a perfect person out there just sitting there right in front of us, and as we look at them in the eyes, we realize that they’ve been there for us all along”
Quotes are a powerful way of saying what we mean to say, but going through the other person’s alert radar. Because we’re relating a command indirectly, the person will have little resistance to our suggestion.
Here’s how to use quotes:
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• Think of what you want to say to someone, but that you can’t say to them directly • Start off by telling the person “You wouldn’t believe what I heard this guy tell a
girl earlier today! He walked up to her and said” • Insert your command
• Include elements of curiosity or intrigue to make them continue to think about it.
Stories
Stories may sound similar to quotes, but where quotes are focused on what someone else has said, stories focus on what someone else has experienced.
This is more powerful because it will put your subject in the shoes of the person in the story.
Example:
What’s the feeling of running a successful business? It’s like the lifestyle of my friend, Jeff, who is just like you or I. And when Jeff wakes up in the morning, his typical day is something along the lines of:
Waking up whenever he wants to, typically after everyone has gone to the offices hours ago. He just lies in his large, soft bed, waking up sometime near noon. Then he takes five steps to his computer, logs into his payment processing account, and looks at how much his businesses have earned in the night, when he was asleep. If he feels like it, he’ll go for a jog. Otherwise, he’s log on and chat with his friends about the upcoming vacation that they’re planning. After lunch (and an afternoon nap), he’ll either go for a game of tennis with his girlfriend, or catch a movie at the theatre. He’s watched all the recent releases, good and bad. And as he’s sitting there, just feeling contented about the lifestyle that he has created for himself, the sensation of being satisfied, spreads like a warm feeling throughout his body, giving him an aura of contentment and peace, knowing that he has created the lifestyle he truly desires for himself.
By describing the physical and emotional aspects of what you want your subject to experience, you put them in the shoes of the person in the story. This creates a personal “virtual reality” for the person involved, and they will relate as if they’ve gone through the experience themselves.
So far, we’ve covered the primary steps in the Mental Iceberg theory, the stages are: 1) Have a clear idea of your intended direction and outcome
2) Create an emotional connection
3) Steer the Conversation toward an intended goal
4) Amplify the feelings you create and then link them to the intended goal The process of creating the outcome you want lies squarely in your ability to raise the emotions you want.
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Remember the mantra: “He who controls the emotions win”.
Too often, people are caught up in the false belief that “He who has the most facts win”. The reason why some legal cases (especially in front of a jury) are won on the basis not of evidentiary proof, but because the lawyer was adept in swaying the emotions of the jury.
In recent years, there have been a number of high profile legal cases involving celebrities. Due to the skills of their legal counsel, the defendant was judged innocent of all charges. Despite your personal beliefs, you have to give credit to the legal defense team on their ability to convince the jury of their clients innocence.
There are several elements of the Mental Iceberg theory if you study their statements carefully.
If you want to get your subject to take the action you desire, it requires that you put them into a trance state.
The definition of a trance state is one where your subject is in an altered state of consciousness.
Which may not mean a lot to you now, but it will make a major difference in the results you see.
Your consciousness is how you are feeling right now, at this moment.
And your state of mind, changes from moment to moment. You can feel happy one moment, and sad the next. It is this ability to switch states from something that you don’t want (resistance) to something that you want (your goal), that gives you powerful to influence others.