CAPITULO 2. TENDENCIAS Y TECNOLOGÍAS ACTUALES A DESARROLLAR
2.7 Lenguajes de programación para la web
Listen calmly to his first demand. He's making it big and irrational because he really doesn't expect you to do anything more in response than to be overwhelmed by it and to resign yourself back to his original answer of NO. Instead, as you listen, think about how many of his initial demands you could possibly agree to and respond to his demands by stating the points that you can meet and telling him the points you won’t meet. If you are willing to meet all of his demands, then meet his demands. You can now expect him to respond to your original request with a resounding YES.
Negotiations over. Everyone’s happy.
However, if you find that you have to continue negotiating, then do so, but whatever you do, don’t respond emotionally and don't emotionally judge the points of his demands. Meaning, don't respond by saying, “I can do this, but this other request is outrageous, you must be out of your mind to say that!
You’re making me feel….” Once you bring emotion into the negotiations you have as much as folded on your hand. And he knows this. So leave your emotions at the door and remind yourself that the point you are trying to reach is a YES in response to your original request and that to allow yourself the luxury of letting your emotions color your negotiations
would mean you are willing to forfeit your bigger goal.
During the negotiations, answer him with fact and capability and continue to do so until the two of you have reached an agreement and he’s saying YES.
If your guy is sharp, he'll realize that you've changed his NO to a YES with your negotiations. It's better if he doesn't realize it. That way you can barter through all future NOs to YES' on other issues with ease. When he's sharp, you can still barter your way to a more agreeable outcome, but then he might enjoy the negotiations too much and he may challenge you more during the negotiations just to see what he can get from you in addition to whatever it initially takes for you to change his NO to a YES.
This may be cheating, but if you really want to guarantee that his NO changes into a YES, then use your new powers of negotiation on your man while he’s caught up in his sexual desire for you. Ask him for what you want before you have sex with him, right before, when he wants you and he will agree to anything to have you. In fact, you could make him agree to anything before he can have you. Like I said, it’s cheating, but….
Men have used the power of the word YES in their favor for a long time. Given that the word itself could actually be credited to Eve, way back at the dawn of time, it’s long past time we women reclaim our natural heritage and use it to our own full advantage.
SURRENDER
22
Women and men all migrate towards each other for one of two reasons beyond the desire for sex and companionship. One, we subconsciously search for someone who will help us work through an unresolved issue in our life, like a particular fear or past experience; or two, we end up falling in love with a person who behaves like our parent – for men it’s their Mother, for women it’s our Father. It's a fact.
As a woman, you may have had an absentee Father who was a closeted homosexual and you never knew him, but due to your genetic predisposition to find someone like your Father, you will find yourself unnaturally attracted to a person who appears to have unanswered homosexual tendencies and who may have a habit of abandoning you when you need him the most. Or, if it’s a man we’re talking about, he may say that he hates the way his Mother talks all the time about pointless things; so out of respect for his repulsion to this quality you are silent around him because you want him to love you. But your relationship may end with him breaking up with you to marry a chatty woman. A situation which leaves you mystified, since he said he didn’t like women who were like that. Actually as I write this I realize that “two”
may be more like “one” than I thought.
If the Universe determines that you are not yet ready for that one great and lasting love, you will have what I call Issue Relationships. These are relationships where
you end up coming face to face with whatever unresolved issues there are in your life. Do you have low self esteem? Meet the guy who will have lower self esteem than you do and who will create unpleasant situations in your life until you understand how to improve your own self esteem and can honestly leave this relationship behind. Are you compulsive?
Meet the mirror of a man whose compulsions and need for immediate gratification will exceed yours until you learn restraint. Problems being honest? Here’s the liar in your life. Answer? Learn how to see the truth in yourself and how to express yourself more truthfully.
What about a traumatic experience that you just never really got over? Unfortunately you will meet a man who will bring up the memories of that experience. It may be that he has been through something similar or he may encompass some of the qualities that the people who provoked the experience in your life had.
In this case, I strongly suggest that you pursue some counseling or join a support group who will compassionately aid you in healing from the trauma you have experienced.
We can all run away from our problems, the problem is, we usually end up running right into them while we’re running away. Whatever your unresolved issues, you will end up confronting them in your relationships until you resolve them.
Obviously we would rather enjoy our relationships, so here’s one way to handle things:
Face yourself and your life head on. Learn to look at yourself honestly and to deal with whatever your issues are realistically so that you can resolve them
before the Universe puts a mirror relationship in front of you forcing you to resolve them when you would rather be in love. In response to the parental factor in a relationship, make lemonade out of the lemons. If your Father was absent, try to find a nurturing way to encourage your man to remain present. If your man is more experimental in his sexuality, then use that to create a dynamic sex life for yourself. For your partner, if his Mother was too chatty, you can be chatty too, but say informative things rather than making empty, mindless chatter.
S
urrendering is the best way to let go of the unpleasant experiences. It’s using the Laws of Physics in your favor. In Physics, you use opposing energy to advance your own efforts. It’s like this; if you are in a fight and someone throws a punch at you and you stand your ground and the punch connects with you, you will get hurt and your desire will be to disarm the other person because getting hurt is not in your favor.But, if you use the Laws of Physics and grab their wrist as they punch, pulling their punching arm towards you while you step out of the way of the punch, then you pull them off balance, effectively disarming them and avoiding injury by using their own force in your favor.
Use the Laws of Physics in your relationship to cooperate with the opposing efforts of your man in order to disarm him. If your man likes to go off by himself and the two of you usually fight over that choice, then instead of fighting him, exercise the Laws of Physics by letting him go and using the time you’ll have alone to do things that will make you happy.
Instead of pushing against his offense, pull it towards you as a benefit, so that everyone wins.
We all love to fall in love and while no relationship in life is perfect and we all fall while we’re trying to get along, there’s a way you can fall forward in order to be happy with the results of having fallen at all.
I
have to say it again... men are the way they are;regardless of their upbringing or their moral or intellectual endeavors. Despite how they’d like to be, they still just are the way they are and there are three things they need to make them happy. These are:
1) For you to be happy with them and around them, because your happiness really does mean everything to them.
2) For you to let them be themselves sometimes, even if the way they are upsets you, because they need to like themselves as much as they like you.
3) And, for you to have sex with them as often as possible, because as I’ve been told, men need to have sex in order to keep feeling like men. It’s in their genes. I know, now you might be thinking about Chapter 8, but get your mind back to a higher place.
That was not a cheeky comment. (And neither was that one.)
I
t’s been said that you can end up kissing a lot of frogs on your way to finding Prince Charming. Some of us, myself included, fall madly in love with those adorable little green monsters and have relationships with theminstead of continuing the search for Mr. Right. There are also women like me, who fall in love with a pair of size 7½, Stuart Weitzman shoes and spend $400 dollars on them even though we are without question, a size 8. We then happily wear the wrong size shoes to every major event in our life until one day we realize that those little corns on our pinkies would be much more comfortable in a pair of boots. So, we find a pair to slip into. Just like someday, we stop dating the wrong guys and find the right relationship to slip into.
This book is for you, for us. The eternal optimists.
The ones who make lemonade out of lemons. For the rest of you who are having the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie true love experience, you probably don't need this book. But then again, you might.
T
he last freakish truth I have to tell you is that you can tell if your guy is in love with you if he doesn’t want to“do” anything with you but hang out. Seriously. If your guy likes to stay home next to you on the sofa or in bed, eating pizza, occasionally making out and watching TV (even if it’s Sportscenter) then you can rest assured that he’s in love with you. So think about this the next time you complain that he doesn’t love you enough to take you anywhere. Maybe he does love you enough already and you’re exactly where he wants you both to be.
Use the tools in this book as you see fit. Enjoy the privileges of being the woman you are and I guarantee you will have your lifetime of happiness, wherever you are and whether you’re involved with a man, or not.
Get it? Got it? Good.
P.S.
– several final thoughts...Water sex sounds sexier than it is. Sex in the water washes off your lubricant and trying to maintain a standard position without drowning can be difficult.
Next, maintain your own interests when you enter a relationship and become interested in new things.
Your man is attracted to you because he finds you interesting. So remain interesting. Don’t become a disinteresting pale shadow of who he is once you express interest in each other.
More than anything we need to support ourselves by supporting other women. Inherently, women have different needs and desires than men. We can make changes and use new methods of communication with men, but deep down inside the unique way we live our lives works for us and the only other people who truly understand that, are other women. So smile at each other. Listen to one another when one of us needs to talk things out before she returns to her relationship.
And let’s create a movement of women who are united in our compassion and comprehension of what it takes to live happily with the men we love.
Lastly, if you think you’re too old for this book, then think about this. Are you too old to fall in love? I hope not. My Mother, who’s 70 read this book and then reread this book and then asked me if she could find flavored condoms at Target. If she’s considered too old, then I can only hope I grow old like her.
...ommm...