4.5.3.1 Respect - Strong relationships will survive difficult conversations.
A significant skill in the repertoire of the Māori change agent is the ability to influence others. The most important aspect of this, and members of the research whānau were unanimous about this, is the need to create respectful relationships that allow all parties to be challenged but still maintain their dignity. Creating these respectful relationships is not necessarily easy, especially with people who have already taken a resistant position about the goals of a programme or have already made personal judgements about the Māori change agents themselves. One whānau member shared that starting small is important:I assume people don’t just want to be fearful or afraid or ignorant and that they like talk positively. I don’t dwell on the negatives. I find the positives and build on those. So building people up is what I do, somebody might be quite negative but I can find something they do really well; I can build on that, and then by building on that, it builds the trust and then I
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can go a little bit more challenging for some other things once they feel it’s a safe relationship.
As already identified, being a Māori change agent is demanding and emotionally tiring kind of work. Congruence is of the utmost importance. Change agents cannot be challenging teachers to show more respect for Māori students if the change agents themselves are not modelling that respect. It may not be reciprocated in the short term, however, in the
medium to long term as trust is won and respectful relationships developed, people begin to be influenced and make changes.
If I want people to engage in open and respectful discussion with me, I must do that too.
Another whānau member emphasised the need for the others you are trying to influence that you have their best interests in mind. They must trust that you want the best for them, even when it’s not comfortable.
I think that it’s like a Māori kid; they’ll take a tough conversation with you if they know that they’re in your heart. So it’s about a purposeful
relationship. It’s not an anything goes mate and that’s actually the same for schools. You know they’ll take the difficult conversation if they know that actually you’ve got in your heart an utter belief in their potential.
It was also noted that the people who are most openly resistant are often the ones who it is possible to engage with and influence their thinking. Those who keep their thoughts to themselves were less likely to be influenced.
Looking back at the groups I’ve worked with I think of the people who were strongly out there and resistant. Probably the majority of them changed, whereas the people who just quietly went along I didn’t see much change at all. I rather deal with the overt than the subversive.
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The importance of keeping a level head when dealing with people in emotional situations was stressed by one whānau member. Teachers can be a little fearful of changing the way they approach students and it is important to be supportive when they are in that space.
I guess we’re leading people, we may ask them to step in a place they’ve never been before and so we’re showing what that looks like so if I'm getting all nasty and twisted then I don’t think anybody would want to follow that.
At the same time as being supportive and encouraging, members of the research whānau also acknowledged the need to have the courage and conviction to challenge the people they were working with.
I realised then that I needed to mitigate the challenge with support - to find that balance where I was challenging people but not so much that they got all defensive and it was all too much for them and so they came out fighting. But not too much support and awhi [cuddling] and
understanding so that there was no need to be changing. So over time I learnt to walk that fine balance between the two.
The key concept behind this model of influencing others is change through conversation. Deep and insightful conversations rarely occur when there is no relationship. The premise is that by having discussion you can move people. One whānau member highlighted these points:
It’s about the power of change through conversation and discussion and how important it is to have a context and a relationship that we can engage in that will have a challenging conversation and still be respectful.
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Creating a safe environment that allows people to change goes hand in hand with building strong relationships and challenging with respect. One research whānau member shared feedback from teachers that she had worked with. They said to her:
You didn’t lecture it to us, you showed us, you kind of took us gently by the hand and you walked us through and you opened up a safe space where we could ask questions that we’ve always wondered about Māori.
Preserving the mana [dignity] of each individual is something that members of the research whānau underlined as being important to them. One whānau member explained that she has worked very hard on creating safe and respectful relationships with teachers with the result being that they begin to think along these lines:
‘Ok, I don’t have to be so fearful about this and she’s not talking about anything that’s going to mean that I'm totally exposed as somebody bad or somebody incompetent.’ That’s basically what people are fearful of at the end of the day.
Dealing with fears was an important feature of an effective approach. One whānau research member shared her approach:
If I'm working with the staff or a group, I might get them to make lists of things and discuss things, what are their fears around this or it might be what are the issues from their point of view that they see and then we go through and say well what do we have control over, what don’t we have control over that’s a really good one.
These types of group approaches allow individuals to share their beliefs in an anonymous way that maintains their safety. It does, more importantly, create a context that the Māori change agent can speak to and plant seeds to begin to grow alternative possibilities.
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I get them to work in groups and they talk together, so they can say those things like ‘Māori are lazy.’ They’re reasonably safe and it’s better for it to be out and open. It’s actually one of their beliefs, so they can safely put it on the table, and through conversation I can help them to see whether these things are true or not.
Through these learning conversations and discussions the research whānau explained that they help teachers to grow. They agreed that overwhelming teachers is something to avoid but at the same time, there is a continual need to consider what the next step is. One whānau member said:
You’re still pushing them to name the next place too aren’t you; you’re not accepting that this is ok, what’s the next place?
The strong message that the research whānau have given when considering strategies to overcome resistance, is that influencing others through discussions which are based on respect are the most effective approaches. These conversations are best when they are built on relationships that have trust and support as the foundations. This does not mean that Māori change agents should be nice all the time – there are times when it is appropriate to challenge, but there are ways to make those challenges without destroying relationships and undermining the goal of change. This element of Māori change agent work again highlight the complexities of their role – maintaining a delicate balance between professional challenge and relationships.