A NÁLISIS DE SENSIBILIDAD A PRECIOS SOCIALES

One of the dangers of sexual chemistry is that people who experience it often fail to see either the true nature of their partner or the obstacles standing in their way. The literature of love is filled with irrational stories. People who experience sexual chemistry are often powerless to control their actions. They can be driven, perhaps pos-sessed, to a certain extent mad. And a particularly perni-cious condition exists when the object of someone's love cannot return what is offered.

One reason why this occurs, Helen Singer Kaplan, a New York City psychiatrist, explained to us, is because of a condition she labels sexual anorexia.

"A sexual anorectic," she explained, "is someone who doesn't feel the sexual urge. Infrequently it's due to a hormonal problem, but far more often it's rooted in a deep psychological conflict about love and sex."

We asked what could be done about it. "The most important aspect of sexual anorexia," she said, "is not what we do about it. That's for deep therapy. The

prob-Love and the Amphetamines 77 lem most of us face in connection with sexual anorexia occurs when the irrational factor is so strong that we fall in love with a sexual anorectic."

"But why would anyone be attracted to such a person?

Why fall in love with someone incapable of returning that love?"

"There are the neurotic reasons," Dr. Kaplan answered, "wanting to hurt yourself, but there are also good, sound reasons. A sexual anorectic can still be physically attractive, beautiful or handsome, talented, bright and clever, have a marvelous sense of humor, be a good dresser—any of the things calculated to spark sexual chemistry. Once that's ignited, you tend to suspend all your negative perceptions and see only the positive side of the person."

"What's the solution, then?"

"The solution, as always, is to face reality," Dr. Kap-lan said. "That's the first step in solving the problem.

Recognize the danger you are in, the one-sidedness of the situation."

Thinking over what Dr. Kaplan had said, we were reminded of an interview we had with Steve. Steve met Lisa at a street fair in a large city. "A most unlikely place to pick up a girl," he told us. "She was in charge of a booth selling pottery. Lisa wasn't a potter, but her friend was, and she was helping out, and an attractive helpmate she was. She had long black hair and clear white skin and deep blue, almost violet eyes. She was wearing a long white dress with lace, and I took one look at her and lost my head. You've no idea how darling she was, like a character out of a Chekhov play.

"I bought two mugs and a casserole and three candle-sticks, and by then we were old friends, and I asked her out to dinner. She agreed, to my surprise. She was so

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pleasant, so—well, I guess you'd say passive, but we had a wonderful time, and it wasn't until I kissed her good night that I began to wonder. That kiss was like snow, cool and insubstantial. I saw her again, and again, and each time I enjoyed myself, but when I made any physi-cal move she seemed to melt into herself. There was absolutely no response.

" 'What do you feel?' I asked her once, and she looked a little disturbed and shrugged. 'The same as anyone else.' But she didn't. There was no fire, no life behind that adorable facade. When I tried to push our physical involvement, to make love to her, she just seemed to fade away. It was less than resistance. It was nothing.

"We had a long talk, and I discovered that she had never been involved sexually—nor did she feel that she had missed anything. 'I like you, but I'm just not like that, Steve,' she told me. I tell you, it was heartbreaking.

I was sure I could melt that block of ice she had for a heart, but I got absolutely nowhere. I wasted a whole month of my life on Lisa, and then I gave up. I don't believe anyone could have gotten to her."

That was Steve, a man who made an irrational choice, blinded by sexual chemistry, but knew enough to face reality, as Dr. Kaplan suggests. It was a wasted month, but only a month. Pamela, who ran into the same situa-tion with Jerry, didn't have that much sense. Jerry, like Lisa, was a sexual anorectic. A handsome young man, bright and talented, he was wonderful company. Pam met him through a friend, and the two of them clicked in many ways. They made a perfect couple—as long as they kept out of bed.

"At first," Pam said, "I thought there was something wrong with me and that Jerry enjoyed my company but

Love and the Amphetamines 79 looked somewhere else for sex. Then I went through a period of thinking maybe he was gay, but I have some close friends who are gay and one of them met Jerry, and I asked him, frankly, what he thought. 'He's not gay,' my friend said definitely, 'but, Pam, you're wasting your time!'

" 'Do you think there's another woman?'

"He said, 'There's no one—not even you. Take an old buddy's advice and give it up. There's no future for you with Jerry. I've met his type.' "

But Pam couldn't give up. Sexual chemistry had made her illogical, and she was convinced that somehow, in some way, she could get through Jerry's defenses. What she didn't understand was that there were no defenses, just a lack of interest. It might have been just some wasted time, like Steve's wasted month with Lisa, but Pam went on for much longer than that. Unfortunately, Jerry satisfied a deep neurotic need in her. Being rejected, pursuing something that didn't exist, agreed with a sado-masochistic streak in her nature and drove her to keep on after Jerry.

In turn, he was not at all uncomfortable in the situa-tion and was reluctant to break off. While he had no sexual interest in Pam—or in anyone else—he enjoyed her company, and his social life demanded a woman from time to time. Pam was perfect for that—and so the unhappy situation continued.

The cure, when dealing with a sexual anorectic, is two-part. First, you must recognize your partner for what he or she is, and second, you must get out of the situation as quickly as you can. You will probably be hurt, but the pain you feel now will offset a much greater pain in the future if you fail to end the relationship at once.

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