But unless you’re the grandmaster mackdaddy of the century, you really shouldn’t put yourself in a position where you HAVE to score that evening every time out no matter what.
Unfortunately, that’s what happens to guys who have been convinced that it has to be all or nothing. Again, this is on both a conscious and subconscious level. They see someone they’re attracted to, and an involuntary decision is made that there must be sexual contact that night or they’re nothing but a big loser. And so, these guys convert what usually should be a multi-stage process into one huge step. They walk in thinking they have to do everything all at once. They don’t pace themselves properly. They don’t successfully complete the first steps that are
necessary for moving forward. If they only realized that all they have to do is make it from one step to the next (and only
concerned themselves with the actual step they were on), they would be just fine.
What I mean by that is this: You shouldn’t even think about having sex until you’ve made out with her. You shouldn’t even worry about making out with her until you’ve had a first kiss. You shouldn’t even wonder about that first kiss until you’ve set up a first date. You shouldn’t even think about setting up a first date until you have her phone number or e-mail. And you shouldn’t even worry about getting her info until you’ve made the decision to walk up and talk to her. One step at a time. And until you’re done with each specific step, you don’t even begin to worry about getting through all the later ones that will follow. Now I don’t want to be misunderstood here. You are, after all, reading a book by someone who strongly encourages you to step outside of your comfort zone. You must embrace the reality that you are capable of so much more than you are already doing. But that doesn’t mean you should try and rule the world when you haven’t even figured out how to rule the country. Taking big
Trying to do too much sets you up for almost certain disappointment, which will weigh heavily on the spirits of anyone who’s really trying to achieve true growth for the first time in their life.
Now the beauty of understanding all of this is that operating in this fashion goes hand in hand with leaning back, creating some distance, building up sexual tension, and magnetically pulling other people in by limiting access to yourself. For example, unless you’re in a situation where you’re stuck at a location for an extended period of time, picking up a girl should take you no more than five minutes, and if possible, only three.
The 5-minute limit pickup
It’s amazing how many guys shoot themselves in the foot when they’re out at bars and clubs trying to pick women up. They don’t even stop to think about what they’re competing with in that type of environment:
-Better looking guys.
-Guys who are naturally better with women. -Loud, distracting music.
-Friends of the girls (who will go to great lengths to block you because of pettiness, jealousy, or some other pointless reason). But even worse than those obstacles listed above, there’s also the inexperience that most guys have in carrying a perfect
conversation for hours on end. They’ve never done it. But they keep trying anyway. And what they don’t realize is that this is the furthest thing from what they should actually be doing. If you really want to do well with a girl, you have to control the environment. And being surrounded by other guys who want the same girl (and who are in a situation where they basically have the same access to her), you are not in control.
By trying to communicate with her over loud music and having to reply to her muffled words with an obnoxious, emphatic “huh?” every time she speaks, you are not in control. By trying to win her over in the presence of her friends, who look down on you for wanting to do what is only natural for a human being to want to do, you are not in control. And finally, by living under the pressure of having to eventually ask for her information for hours on end, and letting the stress build up on you unnecessarily, you are not in control.
So how do you get control? You get in, you get that info, and you get the hell out. In three minutes, if you can. In five minutes, at the very most. And you should be completely unapologetic about this. This should be routine for you, and if she can’t handle it, that’s her problem, not yours.
THIS is how you get at least ten numbers a night. THIS is how you put the odds in your favor. THIS is how you have enough potential first dates on the horizon, that when you actually call or e-mail to set them up, the pressure is completely off of you since you know you’ve got another option just around the corner. And THIS is how you carry more confidence into the situation as a result, which, by sheer nature of that positive self-esteem, helps you get more dates.
You can’t get ten phone numbers or e-mail addresses in one night if you’re spending at least 45 minutes on each girl you’re
interested in. Do the math. It just won’t work. Especially since the competing guys, the loud music, the cockblocks, and your inexperience carrying successful extended conversations will prevent you from getting a number from everyone you talk to anyway. There needs to be a method to your madness, and it all begins with the approach…