ANÁLISIS ESTADÍSTICO

Definition o f theme: this theme relates to the participants’ use of self-injury in communicating their feelings to others. Self-injury could be used as a way of informing others of their inner experience of distress.

Some participants felt that the visibility of their self-injury was a way of making their inner distress real for themselves and others:

I t ’s like look, this is how fucked up I am. I want someone to notice that I ’m fucked up, rather than me ju s t knowing how fucked up I am. (Fiona)

You hurt yourself and that is an acknowledgement o f the fa c t that you hurt inside., it is almost a recognition o f the internal hurt that is really

there...because a lot o f my stu ff is that I have no right to fe e l any pain

because it feels like I had a perfectly alright upbringing. I ’ve been quite lucky in some respects. (Bettina)

Self-injury could be an attempt at getting help or support from others, or an attempt to get their difficulties acknowledged. However, for some, the shame associated with their self-injury meant that they were wary of letting others know. Bettina illustrated this paradox:

/ think part o f it is having the physical wounds to show to the outside world that I have emotional wounds, but then I do n ’t show my body...so I don 7 know how that works. (Bettina)

In other instances, self-injury could be a way of communicating remorse or anger to someone else, or a way of saying “I need you” . One participant reported feeling invisible as a lesbian in a refuge for women who had been physically abused by their partners. As such, self-injury was an attempt to gain support and validation of her experience:

Sometimes you were really invisible, especially i f you were a dyke, it's like ‘i t ’s only women that slapped you fo r g o d ’s sake, i t ’s not a man ’, but at the end o f the day, a slap is a slap, a kick is a kick [ ...] ! ju s t wanted someone to say ‘oh god are you ok? ’ (Cassandra)

C.6 Comfort

Definition o f theme: this theme relates to self-injury as providing a source of comfort, a way of providing a context in which they could care and soothe themselves or receive comfort and reassurance from others.

M ost participants said that self-injury made them feel better, and that they relied on it in times o f stress. For some participants, it seemed to be a resource which was

reassuring for them:

Sometimes I get like a memory pain, like a remembered ache where the cuts are and that is like having an old friend there. (Bettina)

I ju st fin d it really nice sometimes, it’s like a comfort blanket. I t ’s like carrying a little blanket around, a comfort blanket. (Cassandra)

Some participants reported that self-injury created a context in which, unlike the rest of the time, they felt good about themselves and could care for themselves. In such cases self-injury may be carefully planned, and the situation in which it occurs may be conducive to self-nurturing:

The second time I cut, I got candles out and 1 put some nice music on, and had a bath. It was like I ’m going to kind o f like really enjoy this because I know I ’m going to go o ff to sleep straight away. So yeah, quite a nice setting really. Quite nice, quite romantic. (Cassandra)

As such, self-injury could be an indirect way of self-soothing, a way of creating a situation in which the individual could be kind and gentle with herself. Self-injury could also be a way of creating a context in which they felt cared for by others. For some participants, the knowledge that someone would be attending to their wounds could be comforting:

Feeling I was being looked after, and feeling I suppose safe in a way (Glenda)

Others were searching for the sort of loving care that they did not feel they received at home, desiring parental or guardian figures to watch over them. For Imogen, her scars were a visible communication that she still needed and desired comfort and looking after:

I hate the thought o f everyone thinking that I ’m completely ok and I don’t need looking after, d o n ’t need reassuring. (Imogen)

C.7 Survival

Definition o f theme: this theme relates to self-injury as a way of surviving and continuing with life, not ending it. Participants talked about not just feeling better after self-injury, but feeling better equipped to cope with their lives.

Self-injury was universally felt to be a way of coping and getting through crises as well as the setbacks that are part of everyday life. One participant conceptualised her self-injury as a sign of inner strength in the context of extremely traumatic and distressing life experiences:

Dve lived through a hell o f a lot, and actually I think self-harm was a way o f surviving you know, because a lot o f people always say to me why aren ’t you dead, and I think self-harm is one o f the reasons I ’m not dead. (Tamsin)

Self-injury could have a preventative function in averting a emotional breakdown or a suicide attempt. Although participants had felt suicidal at times in their lives, they generally distinguished between suicide attempts and self-injury. For these

participants, self-injury could be a way of saying “I don’t want to die”. Some

participants talked about feeling that they wanted to survive their difficult life by any means necessary:

/ would never have committed suicide, I thought it was my duty to stay alive no matter how impossible staying alive was. (Josephine)

Participants talked about the sense of empowerment that accompanied self-injury. In this context, self-injury could be conceptualised as a form of decisive action.

One consequence of self-injury could be the feeling that the individual could cope with anything:

When I used to self-harm it actually fe lt good and made me fe el good... like I can take on the world now. (Emily)