Análisis general

Problems

This chapter introduces the practice principle of finding exceptions to difficulties. Locating, and recognizing, times when children have managed their behaviour in a way that is helpful and beneficial to them and others, are empowering and uplifting experiences which help engage children. There is further discussion on the importance of language: how we talk about problems; the recognition of strengths;

and helping children begin to see themselves as separate from their difficulties. Techniques that support this process are also described.

Finding exceptions

Most problems have exceptions, so once goals are agreed the next step is to direct the conversation around exploring those times when the child’s goals have happened and/or the problems they have experienced have not happened, or happened less. Focusing on those times, the exceptions, provides the child with an opportunity to realize that there have been better times, and that they have the required skills and strengths to tackle their problems. Furthermore, it reinforces the assumption, mentioned in earlier chapters, that children are experts in their own lives who are equipped with the knowledge necessary for finding ways of moving forward. Because they are accustomed to being told what to do about their problems (not that they necessarily do this), they are unused to being asked about their own solutions so they can struggle to locate this information. This is where the support and skill of the worker is required.

Solution focused practice recognizes that there are times when the problem, however entrenched, could have happened but didn’t;

identifying those times will therefore also identify each child’s unique solution. If you think about something you have tried to give up, smoking or chocolate, for example, there will have been times when you could have had a cigarette or a second chocolate but you didn’t.

What probably happened is that neither you nor anyone else noticed

this happening; or, if you did, you dismissed it as not good enough.

This is because we get into the bad habit of noticing problems and ignoring solutions, causing problems to get bigger and bigger so that any tiny improvements seem irrelevant. This is very discouraging for people with problems. A solution focused conversation aims to discover even the smallest exception to the problem. Then the unique details of it are identified, such as what the child was thinking or doing that was different on those occasions. The purpose of this is to make those different circumstances much more visible and therefore memorable and accessible to use on the next occasion, with the aim of supporting the child in increasing the control they have over their problem and their life generally. The skill of the worker is in noticing the tiny beginnings of solutions and helping children ‘literally talk themselves out of their troubles by encouraging them to describe their lives in new ways’

(Miller 1997, p.6).

Case example

Kirsty complains that her six-year-old, jadon, simply will not do what he is told. She describes a constant low level disobedience, which occasionally escalates into them shouting at each other. Then jadon makes cruel remarks about her, at which point she becomes so upset that she sends him to his bedroom until he has calmed down and can apologize for his behaviour. This strategy doesn’t work very well because he informs her that he ‘isn’t bothered’ and although she doesn’t send him to his room for longer than it takes for him to calm down, he often opts to stay in his bedroom rather than come downstairs and apologize. (Levy and O’hanlon (2001), comment that defiant children can soak up much more negativity than their parents without getting anywhere near as upset.) Kirsty feels like a complete failure especially as – after a rocky start – jadon is behaving well at school.

Judith: Your mum tells me that you got into trouble at school when you first went there but now your behaviour is really good. This is most interesting. Can you tell me how that happened?

Jadon: I was shouting in class. Matthew was shouting at me.

he was swearing. Mrs boden told us to stop and Matthew

didn’t, so I didn’t. It’s not fair. Matthew’s always getting me into trouble.

Judith: [ignoring the conversational diversion about fairness] So how come your behaviour improved when you didn’t take any notice of what Mrs boden said?

Jadon: She sent me to the headteacher and then my behaviour got good.

Judith: how did you do that, turn it round like that?

Jadon: She told me to stop messing about in class and behave myself.

Judith: And you did?

Jadon: Yes.

Judith: Straight away?

Jadon: Yes.

Judith: Gosh, just like that? [jadon nods] how did you do it?

Jadon: I just did it.

Judith: So how do you do behaving?

Jadon: Just behave.

Judith: Suppose I was looking through your classroom window, what would I see you doing that would tell me you were behaving?

Jadon: I wouldn’t be shouting. not messing about.

Judith: What do you do instead of shouting?

Jadon: Talk quietly.

Judith: What do you do instead of messing about?

Jadon: I ignore Matthew when he tries to get me into trouble. he’s been to the headteacher three times!

Judith: how do you do ignoring Matthew?

Jadon: I just get on with my work.

Judith: And what else do you do for behaving?

Jadon: I do what Mrs Boden says.

Judith: First time of asking?

Jadon: Yes. And I listen.

Judith: So you can do six-year-old behaving at school. It might even be seven-year-old behaving! What else do well-behaved six-year-olds do?

After getting a lot more detail from jadon about how he does behaving at school, what the consequences of this are for him, and whether it suits him to be like this, judith then begins to look at other aspects of six-year-old behaving, such as at the supermarket, friends’ homes, and then his own home. Although, of course, if he chooses to do five-year-old behaving first or only do as mum says at the second or third time of asking, that’s okay because he’s beginning to change. We are quite happy to start off slowly with small steps. The solution focused process is a bit like making a snowman: if you pay enough attention to packing the snow into a tight ball to begin with, it quickly picks up more and more snow. jadon’s small beginning will soon gather pace.