When the Levees Broke Narrative
Christina was the first young woman that I interviewed. I was somewhat shocked at the comfortable nature of our emails and phone conversations before we met.
Christina did not seem the slightest bit apprehensive, especially considering the way in which I received her contact information. The cliché, “things happen for a reason” rang true for the meeting of Christina and me. I went to visit Christina’s college for work on a college counselor visit. I snuck away from the boring counselor tour and found my way in the basement of the student center, peeping around corners, looking for the student affairs office. I popped into the office, appearing like a student myself, whispering “Hello, hello is there anyone in here?” I found my way to a back office with a cracked door and I began to knock. The gentleman said I could come in. We exchanged pleasantries and then I got straight to the point.
I explained to him that I had snuck away from my tour and was looking to find African American females to participate in my dissertation study. I asked him if he knew of any Black females on campus who were extremely active, and maintained a strong presence in the campus community. He did not even hesitate, the name Christina rolled off of his tongue immediately. Before I could even complete my question, he was
writing down her email and phone number. He urged me to contact her immediately, for she would be so excited to participate in my research. Spring break rolled around a few
weeks later and I was back on the road for the six hour drive to talk to Christina about her experiences.
Christina is a senior at a medium sized private university in the southern part of the United States. When I asked Christina the question, “How would you identify
yourself?”, her answer was short and to the point: “I am a twenty-two year old senior at (UNIVERSITY), originally from New Orleans.” This description, however quite brief does not even scratch the surface or should I say depth of such a phenomenal young African American woman. Throughout my conversation with Christina it was apparent that her understanding of her own development was “developing” throughout our conversation. By the end of our conversation, she had shed new light on who she is and how she identifies herself.
Childhood
Christina’s narrative begins at an interesting point. When asked to paint a picture of her childhood she paints the picture of her surroundings: “had a huge backyard, huge front yard”. It is here that her story begins, the memories of her home and life in New Orleans are such a critical component of her past, present, and future existence. Home is where the narrative begins as well as who she was as a child. The picture she paints is quite vivid and I could clearly picture the scene:
I grew up in New Orleans East in a middle class Black suburban area. I would have to say that the east is great suburban living. It isn’t as congested and busy as it is uptown and downtown and the French Quarter. We had a huge backyard, huge front yard, got to play around, I was pretty active. My friends used to call me the walking encyclopedia cause I would just know random facts. I didn’t get a TV until I was 9 or 10 and even when I got a TV I didn’t have cable. So I watched PBS a lot. So that’s how I knew random things.
As Christina continues to paint a picture for me of her childhood she transitions from the physical location of her childhood in New Orleans and who she remembers herself to be (the walking encyclopedia) to the people that were in her world at this time and whose influence shaped her. “Blood is thicker than water.” This is what Christina immediately remembers about what she has come to know as a member of her family. The
importance of her family and their support in her life is definitely evident throughout her narrative. Christina describes her family as a typical nuclear family, parents still married, and an older brother who was also a critical person in her life. Her family is without a doubt interconnected and linked to the theme of home in the narrative:
I grew up with a pretty much nuclear family. Mom and dad still married, they are celebrating 29 years in July. And I have an older brother. He is going to be 25 soon and really close, really close family. Growing up my parents always enforced the importance of family. Blood’s thicker than water and things like that. Whenever I was in trouble I would always see my family first even until this day and it was great. I was happy really I didn’t have a tough life. My parents provided for me very well. Some people say I would be spoiled or privileged but we definitely had to earn everything and work for it. And you know there are some things we didn’t get to do. I didn’t have a big sweet sixteen. I wasn’t a debutant you know spending thousands of dollars.
Adolescence/High School
Christina’s narrative shifts in tone and the sense of euphoria as she transitions from childhood to adolescence. It is this time in her life that she begins to grow
awareness of herself and begins to form ideas about who she is as a person, especially in the context of the world around her. Christina attended Predominately White schools growing up and later on in the narrative attributes the “not so great of a transition” to her PWI campus to her experiences in elementary, middle, and high school. She did not
undergo a great “culture shock”. What is extremely significant about her narrative during this time is that it is centered around her memory that she started puberty early. Here is the point at which her narrative explores her body image:
I would say my adolescence was, well I think it really started when I hit puberty. I developed really, really early like 3rd grade. I would be teased because you know I was getting thicker and wider and heavier and a little heavy set up top and I remember I used to hide it. I would wear big tee- shirts and baggie jeans. I turned absolute tom boy I would say about 5th grade. My mom would have to kill me to get into a dress then. I used to love dresses, pink, I just loved all of it I was the girly girl but I definitely was active in sports and things like that but I think once puberty started I was becoming more shapely then some of the people I knew and I would get teased about it and I would definitely cover it up.
In this narrative, it is apparent that Christina is trying to make meaning of her body image and the way in which she embraces that image. She attempts to manage the contradictions of having to embrace a sense of “tom boyishness” with the wearing of baggy clothes, so she can hide her maturing body, even though she was a girly girl deep down who loved dresses.
In the same vein as her awareness of her body development, Christina also discussed another shift in her own identity during her adolescence. She discussed the way in which she began to understand herself. This understanding is connected to how others perceive her. It is this point in the narrative where it is evident that Christina is internalizing what others think of her. Up until this point Christina has mentioned how others viewed her (walking encyclopedia) but at no point in the narrative does she mention what she felt about this or how it impacted her. There is a shift from embracing who she is, to doubts about who she is. Upon the arrival of other African American students to her school, Christina experiences difference. As I listened to this part of her
narrative, I immediately could relate to her and I was reminded of my own narrative. The term of Oreo emerges in the narrative and is reminiscent of the “Oreo-cookie” existence in my own narrative. Interestingly enough, Christina begins to encounter this existence after other African American students arrive to her Predominately White school. :
We had more African Americans in the school and that is when Oreo. I would be teased for being an Oreo. I didn’t know about certain things you know. I couldn’t listen to Q93 an urban radio station here. I listened to B97 and I used to love Alanis Morsette and Hanson. OMG I used to LOVE Hanson. I was the hugest Hanson fan and then when they came you now when most of the Black people came, they were like what? You like Hanson, who, you know and most of my friends are Predominately white and I guess fifth and sixth grade is when I really saw color as being significant. I knew I was Black but that was when I know it was more significant in the world than what I had expected. Yeah, that is how it was, my friends knew I was Black and I know I was Black but it wasn’t a big deal at all growing up until the Oreo sort of teasing and things like that and that is when I sort of realized I am Black and I am a little different I guess than others.
High School
High school proved to be another space in which Christina grew and developed as a person. So much of what she learned and experienced in her world during this time had a significant impact on her development. When I asked her how she would identify herself during her high school years, her response paints the picture of a very open, diverse young woman:
I would say people knew me as the really cool well rounded girl. I had a lot of friends from different groups. I had some of my closest friends from high school and even to this day are Black and then I have my white friends that I went to elementary and middle school with. I was in the choir so I was really cool with the band and I was really good in academics and I stayed social.
Her family emerges yet again as a constant source of perspective givers and supporters. A major turning point in her life occurs when she was introduced to double consciousness, and it is during the time of her high school years. I was so interested to hear that Christina had awareness of double consciousness at this time in her life.
Something I do not think I truly, truly understood until I began my PhD program. Sure, I had heard of and read about double consciousness, but I had not internalized its
relevance in my own development and its impact in my existence. It is also during this time that Christina begins to understand the importance of negotiating/managing roles and worlds:
When I first got to high school that is when my parents first sat me down and told me about the real world. There is a way you act with your friends and a way you act in front of your teachers, whole idea of the dual
identity. That is when it definitely came into play. You had a group of wealthy White kids from uptown that came here and they sort of already had these preconceived notions in their head. That’s when my parents sat me down. I would say the whole dual consciousness, double
consciousness thing that is when it first came and it came from my parents and my older brother who went to (UNIVERSITY) which is Predominately white catholic school here and his school was less diverse than mine and he definitely gave me a lot of experience and told me a lot of his experiences.
Transition to College
The way she understands herself in the context of going to college is wrapped up in a story she tells about the night before she moved into her dorm. Through this story it is apparent that her transition to college had an interesting impact on her family,
especially her father. She understands herself at this time in the context of her father’s use of the word: “baby”. This is significant to Christina’s narrative because she must attempt to work manage her location as the baby within her family structure in
comparison to the woman she is becoming. Within the narrative she discusses that her father no longer calls her by her first name but begins to refer to her as the baby: “ When I was sixteen, my dad started calling me the baby, like he stopped calling me Christina and started saying what is the baby doing? “ As Christina begins to discuss the transition from high school to college, she flashes back to the night before she moved on campus. She literally refers to this moment as a flashback in the story. As I listened to this story, I took off my researcher hat and by this point in our conversation had put on the hat of an inquisitive and interested friend:
My dad sat me down and I had already had the sex talk when I was twelve. I guess my mom just sort of casually mentioned it. My dad pretty much reiterated alcohol use, and safe sex. That was the last conversation and then woke up moved, packed, preparing my room, my dorm room, met my roommate and things like that, it was nice.
Her flashback is quickly, almost painfully interrupted by an unpredictable natural disaster. The greatest transition of all is displayed in Christina’s own words: “Then it got a little interrupted because of Katrina.” Indeed, Christina’s transition to college was interrupted by the then presumed category 5 Hurricane Katrina. Due to the path of the hurricane, the course of Christina’s life shifted at this point and her narrative weaves around the experiences of Katrina. Her narrative spirals, so to speak around Katrina. There are images of spiraling, whirlwinds, and instability during this time in her life, and the events that happened thereafter. It is this time that the theme of home undergoes intense disruption. Before Christina even begins to talk about her first days on campus, her memory (and her narrative) goes straight to Katrina. Her narrative from this point on in the conversation is weaved together in the context of the impact Hurricane Katrina
had on her and how it shock up her world. This part of the narrative is very critical, as it is the turning point of her life thus far. This is the reason in which, Christina’s narrative is called “When the Levees Broke”.
The metaphor of a whirlwind emerges during this point in the narrative. Several times in the narrative Christina refers to this particular time as a whirlwind. Christina appears to be in a state of shock and disbelief as she recalls the events in her life during this time. Christina’s story is now joined by her tears, as the emotion of her experiences takes her back in time. I the listener/ partaker in the conversation am also struck by the heavy emotion of that time. We share this moment together, as I too begin to tear up. Christina has lost her sense of normalcy and spoke often about the way in which things work together. I have included her story without any commentary, because it is truly the heart of Christina’s narrative and is critical to consider in understanding the essence of who she is.
We moved on campus had convocation and then I remember our university president saying the university is going to be closing at 5 pm and we knew about hurricane Katrina. But when you are from here, hurricanes are a natural thing. You ride some out and then sometimes you actually evacuate. There was one time we evacuated and nothing really happened so we were casual with Katrina. I only packed five days worth of clothes and I took my computer and everything else was in the dorms. I was like ok I will probably be gone a week max. So I wasn’t too worried…. and then Monday happened…. and um I remember, sorry I get (crying). I’m sorry and I was watching the news cause they were doing aerial shots of the city and I saw Six Flags. It was maybe only about 5 or 10 minutes from my house and I saw that covered, and they showed a picture of East Over which was a subdivision right across the street. I saw two story houses flooded and that’s when it started hitting me. I think I was in denial the whole time. We googled our house and saw nothing but water and maybe the top of our minivan which was parked closest to the house so that’s when we knew ok yeah, yeah, it’s serious. When that happened you kind of grow up early.
After the storm, left in the wreckage caused by Hurricane Katrina, Christina understands that she had to grow up early. She had to enroll in a big state public university where she maintained a 4.0 GPA that semester. Here the metaphor of a whirlwind is introduced. Ironically she describes the whole ordeal as a good thing, and here is where the narrative shifts; she again realizes the significance of family, especially extended family and the important role that they play. This is the first signs of resilience in her narrative:
I would say it was a good thing that it sort of happened because it gave me my own personal testimony. When I came back I definitely grew up after that. Some people their freshman year wild out and do God knows