Antecedentes

I was told to tell the truth even when it meant punish- ment.

I tried and failed.

As time went on I was told that to tell the truth in the hope of a reward meant that I was without moral fiber. I was told that I should tell the truth for "truths sake." I con- cluded that Truth was a jealous and horrible God. Then I read about Jesus who felt forsaken by God at the time of his greatest need. At that moment I knew that belief was even more horrible than truth.

I abandoned truth and belief—and fell in Love. As my arms drew Her to my chest I awoke from my dream holding my pillow. A l l at once I realized that truth, belief, and love were only sounds resonating in my pathetic brain. They had no reality but brain-reality.

I learned that auditory symbols "cause" autonomic reac- tions (emotions) and were the fundamental basis of human behavior.

702

To Lie is Human

Emotions convey a sense of solidness—a three-dimen- sionality to the brain—like a brick wall. I concluded that emotions could be made into "brain" walls simply by manipulating the sounds and symbols people respond to.

The only truth left was that I was always lying. This awe/ful fact—a "bad" memory, poor hearing, bad eyes and an aging sex drive—has made me very unreliable. I became a man of the moment, a man afflicted with moods. People mistook me for a Zen Master—until I yelled at them!

My inherent lack of reliability is only balanced by an equal resolve to suffer eternally from every promise that a moment of joy or terror has caused me to make.

You see, we all suffer from our desire to extend ourselves in time by making promises—a horrible substitute for immortality. Thus, I decided that I was either a saint, an artist or a philosopher. Regardless, I hold out no desire to be saved at the moment of my cmci-fiction. Thus, I have learned to "choose" my fictions wisely.

He Who Screams First!!! NO-ONE IS INNOCENT

To assert is to prove. When someone says you wronged them—it is your duty to react and defend yourself.

This is an example of how form is substituted for fact. Why is there so much interest and anxiety when someone makes an accusation? Our minds have been trained to tac- itly accept an accusation as a truth. We react this way be- cause of the structural relationship of parent and child. The parent asserts—the child defends. Every assertion promotes fear. Thus, the idea of "innocent until proven guilty" is only a principle—it is not organic. We are all guilty even after we are proven innocent.

Humans are so weak that they require someone else to be guilty of the same things that they have done.

Christophers. Hyatt, Ph.D. 703

Regardless of how bright or intelligent, regardless of how developed, the one claiming victimage elicits a response from the crowd. We have all wronged and been wronged. We wait for someone to punish. When we hear an accusa- tion our eyes light up. "It is him and not me."

We are all guilty of not being Christ-like. We are all guilty of not living up to the images of our childhood. We all claim superiority when we find a victim to suffer for us. We feel safe when someone else is being punished. Our sins go unnoticed for awhile.

Who would want to accuse? Someone who is wronged. Someone who didn't get what they "think" they deserved. I once saw a woman who later accused me of not being kind or understanding. "What an accusation!" I said to myself. So what. But the accusation became public. Eyes clicked from left to right. Everyone sat up in attention.

Many came to her defense. Many had been waiting to have reason to torture someone else. When my accusers told me what I was guilty of, they smiled. They waited for my reaction. This is what they wanted most of all—my reaction. What they received was a smile. I turned away— presenting them with my ass. This did not suit them. They confronted me again. I smiled again and walked away. After three times—they stopped accusing. After a month or two, however, they accused me again. This time I again smiled and turned away.

We are taught to meet every accusation with a defense. And we are taught that the best defense is a strong offense. Thus, we live in a world of accusation and counter-accusa- tion. Whoever accuses best wins. Yet, many of us feel that the guilty party has gotten away. They have. Each of us is guilty of knowing that every accusation is a negotiation strategy. Every accusation is a lie.

The whole truth can't be seen lest we forgive everyone. Hatred and anger keeps empathy in check. If we feel empa- thy then we become weak. How to feel empathy and still kill? Be honest with yourself first. Know that everything is

a violation of some principle. Learn to humanize your vio- lations of others.

In our culture we live off each other while pretending to care for each other. Both activities are lies. We neither live well nor care well. For most of us life is simply form. We feel sorry for ourselves privately. Yet, publicly we claim innocence. We are all guilty of the crimes of childhood. And what is this crime? Being a child.

But, we are really guilty of something worse—remaining a child—not in our innocence—but in our laziness. We are too lazy to be human. It is easier to react like a beast. We are too lazy to go deep enough into anything. Being human means going deep—it means going beyond form—.

BECOME WHO YOU ARE THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES