There are many issues to be concerned with when you’re interacting with someone, but paramount among them is the
But since there’s so much ‘sub-communicating’ going on through body language, it’s very easy to tell when someone either isn’t being straight with you or if they feel that you aren’t being straight with them. Again, this is how detectives catch lies from suspects they’re interrogating. They pay attention to the physical movements that are going on along with the suspect’s words. An obvious telltale sign that someone doesn’t like what they hear is that they’ll rub their ears. It’s as if they’re saying “I don’t believe what I’m saying to you right now. I know the information I’m giving you is false. So I’m unconsciously attempting to cover my ears since I don’t want to hear my own lies.”
On the flip side, they might also be indicating “I don’t believe what you’re saying to me right now. I know the information
you’re giving me is false. So I’m unconsciously attempting to
cover my ears so I don’t have to hear your lies.
This very same view can be communicated by rubbing one’s mouth instead of one’s ears. It’s more along the lines of “I don’t like what I’m saying, so I’m subconsciously trying to cover my mouth to keep myself from continuing to do the wrong thing and lie to you.” Or “I don’t like what you’re saying to me, but I can’t cover your mouth. So I’ll cover mine instead and hope you do the same thing.”
If some of this seems a bit ridiculous, remember one thing… this all consists of communication and thoughts that are just under the
surface, so people are not 100% aware of them. But they
obviously know when they’re lying. And they obviously know when they think someone else is lying.
It seems so simple and direct, but it isn’t since most people aren’t watching for it. When someone rubs their eyes, it’s because they don’t like what they’re seeing. When somebody rubs their arm, it’s because they don’t like how they feel. It really is that simple.
Have you ever been annoyed by someone who was ‘twitchy,’ for lack of a better word? Does it ever bother you when someone fidgets, continuously rubs their face, nervously scratches their arm, or does anything other than comfortably sit still? Here’s an even better question… have you ever wondered why you were bothered by it?
It’s simple, really. The thing that annoyed you about the person who was doing this …was the basic fact that they were annoyed themselves. Because that’s why they were fidgeting in the first place. And when you were bothered by this subconscious indication that this other person was annoyed… it was because you were subconsciously recognizing discomfort in them, involuntarily empathizing with their negative state, and feeling this negative condition yourself as a result.
So while most people don’t consciously pay attention, anyone and everyone is very capable of knowing when something isn’t quite right with whoever they’re interacting with.
In order to really understand this, you must first appreciate your own subconscious ability to read a situation for what it is. Like I said before, since humans didn’t always have spoken language, the talent for communicating through facial gestures, tone of voice, and basic body posture is still embedded in our own DNA. It’s a simple question of how aware we are of all of it. But it’s definitely there. That’s where your gut feelings come from. You already know on a certain level what is in your best interest and what is not. That’s why your teachers always used to suggest you go with your first instinct on test questions that you didn’t know. It’s because you really DID know, you just didn’t realize that you knew. Is it any shock that, statistically speaking,
students perform better when they go with their first instinct? It’s all about the fact that they already read the situation for what it was and they made an accurate unconscious decision about it.
Now the disclaimer I should give you here is that you should not take one scratch of the ear and automatically interpret it as something being wrong. What you want to do instead is look for a consistency in behavior. If someone’s covering their mouth at certain points, concerning specific topics, then you can read into it. But if you see them twitch or fidget three times in an hour long conversation, you really shouldn’t be thinking too much about what it may or may not mean.
Past that, remember that a lot of people have self-esteem issues, and such self-imposed limits can come to light in situations where one person feels pressure in a conversation. This holds true in many instances, whether it’s from feeling obligated to carry a conversation, feeling obligated to say something interesting, or just feeling burdened in some other way.
For example, rubbing one’s ears might not be about believing or failing to believe the truth in another’s words… it might simply be a refusal to accept that truth. Think about it. If someone is criticizing you, and they’re actually right about what they say, you probably still don’t want to hear it. But rather than go the obvious route and tell them to mind their own business, you subconsciously hope they’ll shut their mouth… and this desire is physically manifested in your body language.
Since this probably seems a bit complicated at this point, I’d suggest simply getting out there, interacting with others, and learning from your direct experience with them. The more you see, the more you learn. The more you learn, the better you get at this. Only by going through those moments and actually
studying the responses and behaviors of others will you actually improve your ability in reading them.