7. Búsquedas y visualizadores
7.1. Aspectos relacionados con la búsqueda
From the fieldwork, it was noticeable that dating, relationships and sexual intimacies are an integral part of Nepalese young people’s leisure and lifestyle. Bishal, a teenage male, illustrates the difficulty in discussing sexual lifestyles:
Bishal (17M): ‘Sex’ is like… its quite normal in the UK but in Nepal.. its different.. When you say sex.. suddenly it’s a big thing “sex bhanney bitikai aba thulo kura huncha”.. I don’t really like to focus on sex.. I like focusing on what I have to do.. I don’t like wasting my time flirting with girls or so…
RKS: Are you in a relationship or were you in any relationships in Nepal?
Bishal: I was not interested in that. In Nepal, I liked hanging out with my friends.. I was not interested in girls.. I used to speak to girls but not in a way like girlfriends... I was not interested in making girlfriends..
RKS: Any special friend who is girl?
Bishal: I was not interested in such things… My school was very strict… they wanted everything to be perfect there… if you say boyfriend and girlfriend then they will inform parents and will call them to the school.. it was like that strict.. so there it was all about sports and study..
RKS: Any relationships here?
Bishal: No.. Nothing like that…
RKS: Are you in a relationship? 107
Bishal: ohh.. yeah.. I am.. this is like.. it has been like 3.. just like 1 month
Young people in this research often showed an initial reluctance in sharing their sexual experiences and were selective in choosing the information to share. In most cases, during the research fieldwork and interviews, I always had to make an extra effort to create an environment where young people were able to discuss their dating, relationships and sexual experiences.
Nepalese society still considers the discussion of sexual matters as taboo and people often contemplate having minimal conversation on this sensitive topic (Adhikari and Tamang, 2009). Tiefer (2004: 8) reports, “sex, for the most, is still a private and secret matter”. There is often doubt about the willingness of young people to divulge details of their sexual lives to a person who is not close enough. Bishnu and Sagar assert the secret nature of the romantic relationships within the Nepalese community and highlight the changing attitudes and engagement of Nepalese young people towards sexual experiences and expressions:
Bishnu (17M): We boys.. our brain is like that… like we get attracted towards girls.. I don’t know about sex in Nepal but making girlfriends were very common.. If we talk about Nepalese young people, it is not only me but most of the boys have girlfriend but they don’t want to talk about it.. they want to keep it secret.
Sagar (23M): If I talk about the young people in colleges... more than half of pupils have affair.. when they are in affair.. obviously they will have sex..
107 When we went deep into the conversations, I generated another opportunity to ask the questions about his relationship status and then he said he was in relationship but still he was very reluctant in talking about this.
Bishnu believes that the attraction towards the opposite sex is natural and this can start at an early teenage. While these attractions are not always about sexual relationships, young males and females become friends or get into a relationship because of an emotional attachment (Holland et al., 1998; Allen, 2003). Young people’s introduction to the wider population beyond family members and heightened need for intimacy or sexual desire, because of puberty, drive an initiation to the romantic relationships (Patton and Viner, 2007). The initial interactions commence dating experiences for many young people advancing into romantic relationships, which usually create opportunities for sexual engagement. Young people’s romantic relationships are considered as potentially significant and relational factors to the individual’s development, embedded into the social networks to provide important social and relationship skills (Collins, 2003; Collins, Welsh and Furman, 2009; Rowsell and Coplan, 2013).
Bott et al. (2003) suggest that many South Asian men and women have increasing adulthood transition period due to the focus on education and career, which delay marriage; creating opportunities for dating and romantic or sexual relationships (Rauer et al., 2013). Dating culture, a meeting between young men and women for romantic or sexual purpose, is gaining popularity amongst young people in Nepal (Regmi et al., 2011). Despite the increasing popularity and acceptance of dating and romantic relationships among Nepalese young people, many prefer to remain quiet and keep it secret to themselves. Young people preferred to report sexual perceptions and experiences in a more general way or by using an intermediary channel, citing an example of a friend or a colleague. In separate conversations with young females: Asha, Dibya and Tulsi affirm the secret nature of their romantic and sexual experiences:
Asha (16F): I think girls are a little bit secretive. We hide our sexual feelings and we don’t want to share it with anybody..
Dibya (18F): There was one whom I liked [laughs]… but it never grew into any relationships.. it was only like Crush.. I never told him..
Tulsi (24F): Most Nepalese young people like to keep their love life secret.
If they develop crush or infatuation then they will keep it secret and in many cases they will never say to the person they love.. but I have heard several girls.. there are many girls who are in relationships and who sleeps randomly with many boys but it depends on us if we want to believe it or not.
Although the sexual lifestyles of young people have been changing in contemporary society, many young people are unwilling to discuss sexual intimacies or relationships; especially young women who are more likely to secure their feelings even rather than expressing it to their potential partners.
In the study it was found that some women in contemporary society may feel free to express romantic relationships and sexual interaction citing their peers but there are uncertainties about such information. The confession of love in a romantic relationship is about making a choice of ‘the one’, which initiates expressions of one’s feelings and intimacies towards the selected ones that strengthen the relationship for future commitments (Gonzaga and Haselton, 2008). Nepalese women find it hard to make the first move in a romantic relationship and the onus is on men to make the first move and encourage females to go on a date (Regmi et al., 2011). Sapna strengthened this discussion with the following conversation:
Sapna (23F): Currently I am not in a relationship but there is a guy whom I like.. we speak by chatting messaging but I have not told him…
RKS: Do you like him?
Sapna: Not like I like him.. but yes a little.. “Not mann paraune.. tara ali ali”
RKS: Why you have not told him?
Sapna: [laughs] Girls never say it at first .. don’t you know that..
RKS: If he proposes you, will you accept his proposal?
Sapna: Let’s see…
The expectations and roles of males and females in a love or romantic relationship are different, even before the commencement of a formal dating where men are assumed to be ‘proactive’, and the pattern continues even after they are in a sexual relationship (Winstead, Derlega and Rose, 1997).
Young females within a romantic relationship wait for the man to make the first move and the man is likely to confess first, even though the female is
rather associated with love and commitment (Ackerman, Griskevicius and Li, 2011). Nepalese females, similar to most south Asian women, grow up in a patriarchal society where men are the decision makers and hold authoritative power while women have little power and choice (Brah 1996; Poudel and Carryer, 2000; Ahmad et al., 2004). Although the traditional roles of men as initiators may not be important today, due to decreasing gender disparities, the pattern still exists in the modern day where females feel it is not natural for them to be an initiator in a romantic or sexual relationship (Meston, Trapnell and Gorzalka, 1998; Meston and Buss, 2007). This was widely suggested by a number of young females in this research; while both male and female partners maintained the secret nature of the relationships.