The breastfeeding women in this study were certainly not immune to 'being with-the-they'. Their language painted pictures of how their worlds were interpreted in accordance with 'the they', revealing how their experiences of breastfe'eding hinged on 'the they's' interpretation of breastfeeding.
Eva was persevering with breastfeeding despite extremely painful cracks in her nipples - she practiced crystal gazing and deep breathing to facilitate coping with the pain of latching - and a five-day hospitalisation for mastitis. She spoke at length of her struggle to breastfeed and how, when her midwife presented her with the option of ceasing to breastfeed, she chose to continue as it was best for
her infant. Three months into the experience the thoughts were coming to her that she had forgotten to listen to her embodied knowledge. This embodied knowledge had been silenced; she had been deafened by the information offered by 'the they.'
I've got this huge pile, full of information, almost all of this is on breastfeeding. I've got this huge clear file that's four inches thick and I've got six or seven books on breastfeeding. There's so much
information that you've almost forgotten how to listen to your own body. You become reliant on other people to say its OK, such as midwives and doctors, or books or pamphlets, to say how things should be done. I also think that because the 'breast is best' slogan is told to you over and over again before giving birth you're so hyped into that mindset that you
actually need to hear someone professional say that "well actually bottle is OK too. "
(Eva. Int. 1 9. Para. 1 6).
The strong messages offered by 'the they' rendered some participants incapable of making decisions that would promote the well being of both
themselves and their infant. Mel, who provided the following narrative, spoke of her attempts to breastfeed her infant daughter. To ease the reflux, Mel would breastfeed with her baby in a sitting-up position, at the same time attempting to support her large breasts and splint her caesarean wound. She found this method of feeding impossible, but felt incapable of making the decision to stop breastfeeding.
I don't know why somebody didn't tell me in the beginning to give up. It's really horrible because people are saying to you "breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby': but it's emotionally crippling for you to have to
give it up. Or with the Plunket nurse saying '1'1/ support you no matter
what', that is really nice but I didn 't want that, I wanted someone to say "it's not working, go to formula it's a lot easier, don't berate yourself over this and just don't worry about it� but they don't. They try and convince you to do otherwise. It's really hard.
I was so disappointed to give up, that's probably why I persevered for so long with my daughter when it was getting quite awkward in the end.
But yea, yes - failing her and failing me and failing what other people think of you too. People that don 't have children or mothers that do and have breastfed successfully six, seven times, they are so opinionated on what you could be doing wrong or why you aren't breastfeeding.
(Mel. Int. 1 7. Para. 2 & 24).
Sam had embraced the idea that the only entity capable of making her 'a good mother', was her ability to breastfeed. Thus she became lost in 'the they's' interpretation that anyone can 'nurture' a baby, but only a mother can
breastfeed. As she struggled to establish breastfeeding, she began to question her ability to be a good mother, especially in light of her partner's ability to nurture their child. This resulted in her becoming insecure and feeling like a failure.
My partner is so good as a father and I wanted to be able to do
something that he couldn't do. I wanted to be able to be the mother of this baby. And my partner's mother was saying, "if he had a pair of boobs he'd be happy. " I thought 'great, thanks, so I do nothing. ' That really upset me at the time and still upsets me now when I think about it. (Participant had tears in her eyes). It was like that is one thing that I can do to demonstrate that I am a mother, and a good mother that my partner can't do. It wasn 't like I resented him being a good father, I'm really lucky, it's just that I wanted to be able to do the things that my body should be able to do.
(Sam. Int. 12. Para. 95-96).
Jan's sentiments echoed Sam's. 'The they's' created meanings leave women believing they are not good mothers if they cannot breastfeed. From the first breastfeed, shortly after giving birth to her first child, she and her son had difficulty. Jan reported that, by day ten, "he had basically eaten off my right nipple completely" (Int. 1 3. Para. 6). She went on to subsequently develop mastitis which resulted in hospitalisation and surgery. Despite all of these obstacles, she still struggled with the belief she was a bad parent because she could not continue to breastfeed. She spoke of the guilt that was so pervasive she cried for three to four months because she could not breastfeed. 'The they' reinforced these notions by being unable to accept her bottle feeding her son.
I think you have this expectation that you can do it and that it's relatively easy. People say "it's painful but you can get through it, if you keep persevering it will be fine. " My midwife was fantastic, she was visiting
me every day so I wasn't unsupported it was just that it wasn't going to work with him and myself And I think I started thinking that it was all me, and that I should be able do it. People kept saying "just keep going and it will go OK, it will go away': but we should have stopped heaps earlier. We shouldn 't have got to such a state where I couldn't stand up, I couldn't eat - I couldn 't do anything. I was useless to everyone
including my son. I felt terribly, terribly guilty about not being able to breastfeed. You get all this stuff shoved at you all the time about how breastfeeding is best and you almost feel like you're not a good parent if you can't.
It's a thought in the back of your mind all the time, that there 's something not right. That there's something I should be doing but I'm not. It was a very emotional, teary thing for me that breastfeeding guilt. Tears were never far away for three to four months. I guess because it's like an unknown with that particular question 'am I really affecting my child in such a way so that when he goes to school he's going to be so different from everybody else ?' He was also a relatively sickly child and that's because he wasn't breastfed. That he didn't get all the goodness he needed and became a sickly child and I've actually done that to him by not being able to breastfeed. So you have all this baggage that you carry around with you. And I think it was very in my face because people would talk to me about bottle-feeding a lot, and you'd go out and people would look at you bottle-feeding I mean that's your perception. And think 'Oh, she's got a wee, wee baby and it's being bottle-fed'
At the end of the day, when you're in the middle of being really sick, you're not sure and you don't have the ability to make the right decision sometimes, well I didn't. I got to the stage where I was told that I had to stop. And if I hadn't been told I would have kept going, and going, and getting sicker, and sicker. I was lucky, I suppose, that somebody said "this is the end of the road, we are going to stop now". And so maybe that helped because it wasn't my choice. Maybe if I had, had to make that decision I might not have got over the guilt as easily.
(Jan. Int. 13. Para. 8, 56 & 58).
Jan gave over the interpretation of her breastfeeding experience to 'the they' - she relinquished the decision to wean her son to health professionals, leading her to believe that she did not own the decision, and was thus freed from
responsibility. However, she still gave credence to 'the they's' interpretation that all good mothers breastfeed, succumbing to feelings of guilt that she resolved only when she accepted that she had not actually made the decision to wean her son.
It is not the purpose of this expose to critically analyse the 'hidden' purpose of 'the they'; 'the they' is neither good nor bad (Inwood, 1 999). Instead, the purpose is to highlight the manner in which women interpret their experience of breastfeeding. The call to comply with the practices of 'the they', the pull to averageness, the 'levelling-down' experienced by women at a vulnerable time in
their lives, are very powerful effects. "We cannot be average if what is
averagely expected is beyond the reach of most of us" (Inwood, 1 999, p. 21 3). Due to the vulnerability experienced during the transition to motherhood, women are at the mercy of 'the they'; thus, 'the they' powerfully influences women's interpretations of their breastfeeding experiences.