You can guarantee that somewhere in the world, at any given time, there is a guy offering to buy a girl a drink or telling her she looks beautiful in an attempt to get her to like and feel attracted to him. The reason it’s such a commonly used ploy by men is because on the surface it seems like a great idea: “If I tell her she looks good or pay for her bill she’ll see that I’m a kind guy and she’s bound to like me. After all, if someone paid me a compliment or did something equally nice, I’d be flattered.”
As is so often the case, though, things in reality work a little differently. When a guy buys a girl a drink, whether she’s asked him to or not, she immediately has the psychological advantage, the power, the upper-hand. Even a compliment, delivered out of the blue, gives only one clear, underlying message: “I’ll say you look or smell great, or have amazing eyes, to make you feel good about yourself and therefore positively about me.” Girls spot this a mile off and even though they might smile and say thanks or accept that free drink graciously, they won’t have respect for you – let alone a deep attraction.
Avoid using compliments when you open, buying drinks and doing favours like the plague – they serve no productive purpose.
3. “Don’t I know you?”
This method of opening (really just a pick-up line masquerading as an opener), isn’t an instant killer, but is instead usually a slow-burning path to failure. Lots of guys use it to introduce themselves to a girl they’d like to get talking to. They’ll say: “Do I know you? You look familiar.” Women, however, being much more adept at facial recognition than men, know instantly that they’re not met you before, which is what lands you in icy waters 5 seconds after you’ve opened. Some guys can make this method of opening work, but it’s their skill at turning a stone-cold situation into a sizzling conversation that does the trick, and not the initial “Don’t I know you?” line. So, once again, avoid it. Women don’t mind talking to a guy they don’t know if it feels right – in fact, you being a stranger they slowly fall in love with over a drink is infinitely more powerful than posing as someone they might have met before and spending the next hour trying to convince them of that fact to therefore validate your presence.
So, that’s how not to open and how not to make a good first impression. Let’s now look at the opposite: 3 examples of openers that, at least in the girls’ minds, will always feel spontaneous, natural and unrehearsed.
Example #1: The Valued Opinion
This opener involves approaching a girl (remember to use flanking) and asking for her opinion on something.
Now, on the surface asking a girl for her opinion might seem a little tame, but this opener’s power and effectiveness actually lies in its simplicity.
Before you approach – or even before you leave your house – have a topic in mind to ask a girl for her opinion on. Once you’ve decided on the topic, plan the reason you need to ask a stranger for their opinion as opposed to simply asking one of your friends.
Here’s a few of the best ways to do it:
You: “Excuse me…Hi. This may sound a little out of the blue, but could I ask for your
opinion on something?”
Her: “Erm, yeah, sure.”
You: “Okay, well – mind if I sit down? – I’m with a few friends over there *vague
gesture off into the distance* and we’re talking about colours. Actually, which colours are supposed to be calming and which, you know, screw with your mind or whatever. See, my friend says he’s going to paint his kitchen red because he says it’s a calming colour, but that makes no sense to me…
Her: Right…
You: And I know it seems crazy me coming over here to ask, but you know, I needed a
calming influence myself – and a second opinion! What do you think?
Okay, now let’s analyze what’s just happened in that short opener. First, you’ve asked for her opinion on a seemingly random and innocent subject. This boosts her ego in the
best way possible, because it isn’t a clear way of complimenting her attractive physical
attributes or an obvious ploy or pick-up line that’ll immediately turn her off. Next – and just after she’s said “yes” to your first request - you casually and quickly ask to sit down. She can’t say no to that, after all, she’s just agreed to help you out. By sitting down with her, you put yourself on the same playing field (allowing yourself to use the mirroring
techniques we’ll look at later). Then you dropped a subtle time limiter in, by mentioning that you’re with friends which not only demonstrates your social worth but also lets her know she’s not stuck with you for ages (even though she certainly won’t care a bout that a few minutes into the conversation). Then came the chosen subject matter: colours and the moods they represent. This is a great topic to use because not only is it easy to talk about, it’s also rooted in emotion and how you feel – this allows plenty of scope for getting her to describe things that make her feel relaxed and happy, which you can repackage and subliminally feed back to her to boost your rapport and overall connection/attraction level.
You finished your opener by saying: “…I needed a calming influence myself – and a second opinion!” Coupled with a smile, this short sentence really puts the girl at ease. And because you said you need an “opinion,” she knows that a one word or really short answer won’t do – which helps develop the conversation further.
Although the “colour” topic is really powerful, you can ask for opinion on anything you like. Think about which topics will evoke the most elaborate and emotional answers from the girl, like:
What to call your new pet goldfish. It’s a crazy topic, but it being a little “out-there”
helps establish the fun, easy-going feeling all good seduction related conversations should have.
How women judge men on first sight. This one’s good because you can say you and
your buddies were talking about what women base their opinions on and you decided you’d find out straight from the horse’s mouth. Show her your shoes jokingly and run with the idea of you asking her opinion as a bit of a flirty joke (although don’t say it outright!).
Favourite milkshake or ice cream flavour. This is another one that works well
because it’s obviously a silly/goofy thing to ask someone about, but that fact only further demonstrates your confidence – you can talk to girls about anything! It’s also a good way of covering the 5 senses – especially taste and smell. Cool mint choc chip, creamy strawberry whip…have her salivating. It may sound crazy, but you’ll find that girls reply with broad smiles and open body language when you ask for their opinions on wacky or random topics confidently and easily. It’s a harmless way to have a fun conversation for them and a perfect way for you, as a master seducer, to simultaneously build a super- strong feeling of compatibility and chemistry between the two of you.
Example #2: Under the Radar - A.K.A. ‘The Old One, Two’
This opener fuses the concept described above (asking for a girl’s opinion) with a preliminary, basic conversation starter – mixing the two strengthens the effectiveness of the opener and helps guarantee receptiveness and interest from the girl. It also incorporates Proximity & Body Language Manipulation to ensure you maintain control/dominance of the situation at all times and don’t boost the girl’s ego too much, too quickly.
First, use the standard approach described in the Proximity & Body Language
Manipulation section earlier – casually move into her social zone with a supposed
purpose (looking at a menu, checking your phone, etc.), then progress into her personal zone and linger for a few seconds, retaining your closed/neutral body language. Now open with a basic, day-to-day style conversation starter that relates to the situation you’re in. So, if you’re both standing at the bar waiting to be served, it might go something like:
Her: Yeah, it is.
You: Which do you prefer, when it’s busy and there’s a good atmosphere or when it’s
quieter and getting served is quicker?
Her: Um, a mix, I guess. I like it when there are lots of people because, like you said, the atmosphere, but quieter’s good too sometimes.
At this point you’re still maintaining your original body language (stance, facing direction, etc.) You have two options here, either move into the next phase of the opener or continue the day-to-day, easy-going conversation you’ve just started. If she’s responding well and, at a minimum, making good eye contact, move ahead with the next phase by going into the ‘Valued Opinion’ approach detailed previously.
You: Hey, while we’re talking, would you mind helping me out with something? See, I
need an opinion on something very important and I think you might be the girl to give it to me.
Her: Sure, what is it?
You: I need to name my new pet goldfish…
Delivered confidently and with a slightly cheeky smile, the valued opinion method (whether it’s intentionally funny/quirky like the one above, or more serious like the colours one) is sure to make her smile and heighten her interest and involvement in the conversation. Once she begins to answer, open up your body language by facing her more and ensuring you’re not using any barrier signals, then – if you feel things are going particularly well – you’re in a position to invite her to a table to carry on talking or
pull up a seat at the bar to swap fish names or opinions on the best colours to use in your bedroom - hint, hint.
The main benefit of using the Under the Radar technique is that it first eases the girl into an easy, stress-free conversation that doesn’t put her on edge or make her feel awkward. It doesn’t feel forced or reek of an attempted pick-up. Then, once she’s warmed to you, you use the Valued Opinion method to take the conversation to the next level – it still feels natural and, most important of all, fun (two of the key ingredients necessary to create deep attraction in any girl’s mind).
Example #3: The Roving Reporter
Many men dread performing openers because they think the girl they’ve approached will immediately know what their intentions are: to hook-up with them. This, apart from being a little embarrassing, can also spell potential disaster because their control and dominance of the situation is relinquished to the girl as soon as she realises what they’re up to. To combat this you can use the Roving Reporter approach to truly give yourself (in the girl’s mind at least) a reason for starting a conversation with her.
Pretend you’re doing research for an article that’s going to go in the local newspaper or college gazette (choose the most appropriate/likely for you to be associated with). You’re doing a piece on the differences between men and women (in reality, you can choose any topic you like – but selecting one that is potentially good for flirting over is best).
You: Hi, could you help me out with something?
- You take a seat next to her while taking out a notepad and pen –
You: I’m doing a piece for [insert name of publication, website or TV station] on the
differences between men and women and need some opinions from real people – women especially. It’ll only take a few minutes. Want to help out?
Her: Yeah, why not.
You can then go ahead and ask some pre-planned questions that you’ve got written on your notepad or memorized. As the conversation progresses and she becomes more comfortable and animated, open up your own body language and move slowly away from the planned questions and onto more flirty/dynamic topics.
Now we’ve covered seduction topics relating to scoping, approaching and opening, it’s time to look at some advanced techniques related to actual conversation and interaction with a girl or group of girls. The first port of call is the subject of wingmen and wingwomen.