WHEN IT CAN’T BE SAVED
Sometimes life does not work out how you want it to
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You may have really wanted to rekindle your relationship with your ex, but it’s not the right time or the right person for you
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All along after a breakup you should have been assuming the attitude that you were moving on, just in case it actually happened
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Still nobody is really prepared for heartbreak.
Good thing can come out of a break up and in particular the lasting lifestyle changes that make you into a better person
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Keep the Life Style Changes
If you followed the advice in this book chapter by chapter then you made needed lifestyle changes
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Just because your ex did not come back does not mean you need to let them go.
By now you are eating better, exercising, and taking care of your looks
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This will assist you in your healing and it would be a great big mistake to go back to your old ways.
Keep making these things a part of your life
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A good health and fitness regime will do wonders for you.
Taking care of your body can have huge effects on your mental health.
It will also:104
• Improve self esteem and confidence • Make you feel fit and sexy
• Make you appear young
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Keep Dating
You first learned how to date when you went on your thirty day respite from your ex, and there is no reason to stop now
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The more people you meet, the more opportunities you’ll have to find another relationship that will be fulfilling.
As discussed earlier in this book, great places to meet new singles are --• Singles groups
• Through mutual friends • Internet dating websites
• Sporting and other hobby clubs • Dating services
Don’t retreat because you feel upset about your ex
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Isolating yourself is the worst thing you can do.
You won’t meet somebody sitting around, watching television, and feeling sorry for yourself.
Leave Your Ex Alone
When a relationship is really over you need to find the discipline not to contact him or her
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This only opens old wounds and make things painful.
You need to resist the impulse to call him or her
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Use all the self-control you have to leave your ex alone to live his or her life
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Then you’ll be free to do the same.
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Avoiding a Rebound Relationship
If you were not able to save this relationship, then you may feel the need to jump right into another one
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This can be a desperate act to try and ease the pain of how you feel about your break up.
By all means you can enjoy dating and meeting new people
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However give yourself a few months before you jump fully into another relationship.
Allow yourself to grieve and accept the way things are before you find someone new to settle down with.
Loving Being Alone
Loving being alone means that you love and respect yourself
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You need to be a whole person and be sure that you can live without someone else.
Then when somebody else comes along you can have a good healthy relationship instead of a codependency.
There are a lot of benefits to being single for a while:
• You can travel to places you’ve always wanted to see • You can learn a new hobby
• You can choose to live wherever you’d like • You can spend your free time however you like • You can focus on your career and get ahead
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These are just a few of the good things that come from being on your own
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When you learn to love yourself and function on your own, you can really bring so much more to the next relationship.
Learn From Your Mistakes
There are two people in every relationship
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Even if your relationship ended because one of you cheated, the other person has to usually be accountable too for why that happened.
And if the story is that you were with someone who is a sex addict then you need to be accountable for that as well.
Usually it is incompatibility that splits two people apart
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You can admire people who are not compatible with you from afar.
Maybe you didn’t have the same interests
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Maybe your family or religious values were different.
It’s possible that you just didn’t have much to talk about.
Then again, you could have found that you weren’t really attracted to one another.
Spend some time analyzing what went wrong
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Then make sure that as you search out new relationships you don’t make the same mistakes.
Put Off Major Life Decisions
After a breakup people often try to make drastic changes in their life
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You may start looking for a new job in a faraway place, buy a new car – they do what they can to change from being that person who was rejected by their love.
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It’s Okay to Grieve
After a break up that seems permanent it is okay to be sad
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Give yourself the time to mourn the person.
Having a relationship end is really a life-defining and often experience
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It can be hard to say goodbye.
Don’t be ashamed if you feel bad about it.
It is very common for people to go through the stages of grief: 1. Denial that your relationship is over
2. Anger about the end of the relationship
3. Bargaining – for example, “If I could just lose 20 pounds, maybe it will work
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”4. Depression
5. Acceptance that it is over that provides you with the ability to move on Do not dwell on the tragedy as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression
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It’s normal to have these feelings – and it’s even good
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If you don’t grieve the relationship now, you may have to deal with dammed up feelings later that could affect a new relationship.
Time Will Heal You
One thing is for sure
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Time does heal a broken heart.
You may feel like you will never ever get over this, but in time you’ll be okay.
Things always do get better.
They just do.
The cliché of what goes up must come down is absolutely true.
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If you’ve had several serious relationships in the past, you need only look back over your own life to see that you eventually were able to pick up the pieces and move on
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If this is your first major breakup, you’ll have to trust the other people in your life that are all telling you that you will heal and not be self-indulgent or self-
destructive
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A broken heart is really painful – there’s no doubt about it
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But you get a little stronger every time you have a broken heart and heal.
You are guaranteed to come out of lost love a better person than ever before.
A good thing to do is look at it philosophically
...
What did you learn? How did you grow? When you can have gratitude for the changes you’ve undergone, you’ll be better for it.
Moving on after a relationship is over, is one of the hardest things to do in life, but you’ll be able to do it with grace if you take care of yourself and keep your head held high
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Remember that in order to find somebody new to love you first have to learn how to love you!