You want yourself to get back to the calm neutral state which is your ideal state for thinking, acting and making life choices.
Confidence vs. Arrogance
Here we have an interesting one. Many guys I have talked to or
answered emails from have tried at one time or another being an ass to women because they heard that women love jerks.
The problem is that although you are displaying features attractive to a woman that will set off her triggers a normal woman will in many cases
avoid you because although she is attracted to you she does not want to be.
What you need to do is find that delicate balance where you are not rude – you are confident and in control but still have a loving and concerned way about you – you accept that make no excuses for your actions and do what you want when you want but still don’t EVER consider yourself better than anyone else.
Calibrating confidence and alpha traits is one of the hardest aspects of learning to be attractive for many guys.
For many guys, even after reading this book calibrating a new
personality is still something that needs to be worked on and improved.
Confidence is an EMOTION and being confident is all about emotional control… it’s something you feel from within.
If you feel confident on the inside you will display that outward to the world.
You need to feel comfortable with who you are and realize that you are no better or no worse than anyone else on this earth – all of us our equal as human beings.
… The most important thing to do for success is to have a clear sense of who you are.
Of course “who am I?” is one of the greatest questions anyone faces in their life and it is something that took me YEARS to answer. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked back on my younger years and realized
I’ve wasted gaps of two years or more not accomplishing what I wanted to… it’s sad.
In order to know where you’re going you NEED to know what you want.
In getting what you want, you want to make sure above all else that you do not criticize those around you or have a constant obsession with being right – you know the type of person I am talking about. An alpha male is content with who is and little reservation about what others think of him.
Becoming More Social
If you’re shy it’s an inconceivable fact that you’re going to need to become more social to attract women.
When I started out, I was a kid in high school who is too afraid to even ask an attractive girl when my history project was due because I was afraid she would think I was a creep hitting on her.
I would intentionally avoid eye contact with attractive girls (which I did as a sign of submission) because I was afraid they would get offended that I was looking at them.
My fear kept me from my goals to an unbelievable degree. Don’t let it do the same to you.
My point in telling you this is so that you will realize this is a very typical beta guy tactic (although my extent was not typical).
These beta guys are so worried about what a woman will think that they are afraid to take any risks out of fear of making a woman feel uncomfortable (or in any other way negatively)… they’re worried about
“ruining their chances” with her.
The problem with this is that what you are really doing is indulging in your fear rather than being nice – you don’t care about offending her, you care about “messing up” with her.
Once you move beyond your shyness and begin to date incredibly gorgeous and intriguing women you will realize that most of your shyness zone was in your mind.
Fear can be your greatest demon in attracting women.
You need to un-brainwash yourself.
Ideally you want to learn to become fearless socially.
This will leave you with a natural confidence that simply can’t be beat.
As I have said, before we are not taught in society to find strength within ourselves. We’re usually taught that it’s good to look for a
“shoulder to cry on” or “a friend to confide in” rather than dealing with our emotions head on.
We are taught to conform and mold our beliefs to the views of the world.
We are taught to fear things that are different and always be wary of taking risks.
We are getting our information restricted from us like the Great
Firewall of China limits what knowledge is available to the Chinese via the internet.
Where does this leave most people? In 12 years of school, 2 to 8 years of college and a 40 hour a week job for the next 40 years.
Doesn’t that sound dynamic and interesting? We think we are
independent and free – it is true that we have the opportunity to be but most of us are brainwashed from childhood.
But back to my original point, about a woman’s general attitude towards shy men, but it can come down to two things:
She will either feel contempt for him or pity but it is highly unlikely she will feel attraction.
This is because women are biologically programmed to be attracted two alpha Males who are strong, independent and assertive and display signs that they can take charge and society and will be able to protect a woman.
It’s not my system that’s just the way evolution made things.
While the alpha male gives off a strong, protecting vibe, the shy or nice guy gives off a wimpy, dependent and beta vibe which women are simply not programmed to be attracted to. The reason this
programming exists is because throughout history man was the protector and provider and a woman played a more comforting and nurturing role.
It’s not necessarily that a shy person is a bad person. However. it can make a bad first impression for attraction.
If you do not display your personality openly, other humans, male or female tend to draw conclusions, whether consciously or unconsciously and fill in the blanks about what your intentions are.
Breaking Shyness
Have you ever thought about what causes shyness? Is it the way you look? Is it the way people treat you?
While shyness may appear to be a natural part of someone’s personality, is actually a learned trait.
Being shy is one of the biggest reasons for failure with women. Shyness keeps most men from even getting to square one.