Caracterización del material adsorbente

A lot of people think that coaching means giving advice; that you give advice in kind of a nice way so that you’re giving advice but you can call it “coaching.” That’s not really coaching. That’s advising.

Coaching is a more complete package than that. Because coaching embraces a bigger picture.

When you are coaching, the first thing you do is seek is to understand the other person. You do not first seek to be understood. The first and most important part of coaching is seeking to understand where your person’s heart is. What’s their current mindset? What are they thinking? How do they see things? Because if you saw life the way they saw life, you’d be doing just what they’re doing. You’d be behaving the way they were. You’d be communicating exactly the way they are. When you get inside their mindset and really see how they see things, then you are ready to coach.

Therefore first stage of the coaching session is the intake: you ask your gentle questions, and you get in touch with the intentions and the inner motivations of the person you are coaching. It’s really important for you to see what they want to achieve, what they’re trying to do, and how they see the situation. So first of all, you want to listen, ask more questions, and let them talk. Keep your hands off their answers. They don’t need fixing.

“Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive.”

And this is why coaching is so effective. This very aspect: seeking to understand first, not to be understood. Because in the old model of managing, people tried to be understood first. They had all their communications going out and nothing coming in. They were thinking, “I sure hope I’m being understood!” And then if somebody was messing up, the micromanager would sit down with them and say, “Now let me tell you how to do this,” or, “Let me tell you what you’re doing wrong,” or “Let me tell you what I expect of you, here.” And then they would try again to be understood. And all the old school managers would go around the organization trying so hard to be understood.

And it wasn’t working.

In today’s organization the young people being hired are much brighter and more knowledgeable than ever before. They are so smart! But what comes along with that? They’re also more independent and personally sensitive than ever before. They’re not going to fall in line like people on the assembly line in the 1940s and just listen to orders being barked out and move like robotic sheep through the organization. We all know this. It’s a different world.

That’s why hands-off managing works where micro-managing doesn’t. That’s why coaching is so effective now in an organization. Because with coaching there is a real dialogue going on. You’ve got both people participating in the communication process.

You, the coach, might ask the player “What’s life like for you? How are things going right now? Tell me what you’re doing in this situation? How do you see it? Describe it to me.” Because the first skill of effective coaching is knowing to ask some good, gentle, open- ended questions that reassure the person you’re coaching that you’re really interested in how they feel and how they see things. That’s what you’re going to work with. You’re not going to work with some preconceived notion of how things should be. That’s just a subtle form of advising and condescending. That’s the old parent-child model of hands-all-over-the-person management. It’s derived from a military model of leadership that doesn’t work today.

When you have two people sitting down and one person’s coaching another there’s a mutual intention arising. Both people want to do a good job. Both people want to succeed at what they’re doing. So the two people intuitively work together.

Because together, there will be mutual mentoring that elevates the “problem” to an intriguing level of fresh challenge. Two heads meet challenges better than one.

So, the coach opens the inquiry: What would cause you to only dribble the ball with one hand? How do you see life that would have you use that one hand only?

“Well, you know, I never had confidence in my left hand. I always thought if I dribbled with my right hand, I would have more control over the ball.”

Now, if you’re coaching that person you might now say, “I can see that, I understand that.” Because you want reassure the person you’re coaching that you really “get” where they’re coming from, and you empathize.

You then give them a sample out of your own life.

Such as, “I was in an exactly parallel position. I used to dribble with one hand only, and let me tell you what I did, and let me tell you how it cost me. I had the ball stolen from me so many times that I finally couldn’t do it anymore, and I had to learn all over again, just like learning how to walk. And it worked for me, eventually. So let me ask you. Are you open to some coaching on this?”

And if the person says, “Yes,” you reassure the person that “the only reason we’re coaching together is that I can see something in you that’s possible here.”