Celdas de carga

Health problems and bad friends were the most frequently mentioned elements that enhanced parent’s insecurities and raised their stress. The same elements were also argued by the control parents as the cause of their stress and insecurities. Parents who felt that they were undertaking the responsibility to finance the family reported that were afraid that one day they would get ill and they will not be able to work. Facing poverty as an everyday experience made this an issue of serious concern for them. Three parents, including the couple with Hepatitis B, reported that they were afraid of their children being ill one day. However, most of the parents claimed that what scares them more is the forthcoming adolescence. They seemed to identify this age with drugs, bad peers and car accidents. Each parent tried to pass on this message to their children in different ways.

“ I don’t want him to bring his friends at home. I don’t trust them. They may steal our money or jewellery…..you can never know what will happen….. I can’t let unknown children come in.” Living in a refugee campus this mother did not seem to trust anyone. A father also reported that he would prefer to send his son to a private secondary school, despite the high expense, because he believed that there “ he will be better controlled and he will not get into unknown situations like drugs and bad friends”. He added very emphatically that it does not matter if his son learns nothing there as long as he can be better controlled and protected.

His insecurities, in this case seemed to affect not only the way he perceived his son but his perception about public education as well.

Finally, the army officer and his wife reported that since they were living in an area with many discos and night clubs, they were trying to pass on their fears to their son in order to be sure that he will not put him self in danger.“ We tell him what to be aware of…we pass on to him our fear for huge motorbikes….so he doesn’t like them… he knows who to speak to and who can be his friend by listening to us and watching all these things on TV”. However, they did not seem to be afraid only the external dangers but the way they were seeing their son, as well, since they did not seem to trust him. “ I am afraid of the future….the way I see his character… I am afraid of the coming years.”, his mother asserted very emphatically.

Parental fears and insecurities often led parents to seek for help from specialists.

“ We had problems with Spyros when he was younger. So we decided to go to a private school psychologist, after spending much money on special nursery schools. Spyros was very disappointed and we were fed up….we lost so much money and we felt that everybody was taking advantage of us. How can we help him? we can’t trust specialists anymore!” This couple brought into the discussion the role of specialists in facing their child’s problems. Especially they asserted the issue of trust and honesty in their relationship with the specialist. The negative experiences they had in their interaction with them affected their perception about their child. They were confused, they did not know what to think about him. On the one hand they realised that he had problems and on the

other hand they did not want to accept this fact and tried to face it themselves. This confusion prevented them from trusting their son’s abilities.

A mother living in a refugee campus also referred to the issue of special help. The first thing she told me as soon as I entered her house that afternoon was that she had a great problem with her son and he had been to a child psychologist. She believed that in the first years of primary school her son was coming home with bruises on his face. He was crying but never told her what was happening at school. That was the reason for taking him to a psychologist. “I wanted her to see him more often, but she told me that she could only see him once a month….it was useless…from the time she saw him till the next time she would see him Sotiris changed a lot….besides I also needed some help…” This mother was the only one who admitted that she wanted to see a specialist not only for her child but to support herself as well. She was not feeling secure herself as she was very stressed trying to handle her son alone.

Finally, only one mother whose son was adopted claimed that she and her husband saw a specialist after their son presented hyperactivity and resistance in the nursery and at home and she helped them to deal with the problem to some extent.

Parental stress and insecurities are also connected with parental expectations of their children, which is another component that influences parents’ psychology and consequently parents’ perceptions about the bully or bullying.