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Late in the evening, having already lain down to sleep, Tanya heard sobbing from the trunk with the ghosts. Unhealed Lady was sobbing. Moreover, she was sobbing somehow in a special way — bitterly and mutedly. How unlike the demonstrative whining, by which she usually accompanied her complaints on health!

Tanya opened the trunk slightly. A spectre floated out and, sorrowful, bent, sat down on the edge of the sofa, not touching it. The roses on the straw hat drooped sadly. “What?

What’s with you?” Tanya asked.

Lady unclenched her hand. On it laid a flickering silver plate — narrow and long, something similar to a key. “It’s the marker. I received it from the King of Ghosts. And it means that he will come after me... I’ll vanish...,” she announced sorrowfully.

Chapter 5 The King of Ghosts

A couple of days before New Year a cupid brought Tanya a new letter from Bab-Yagun. Begging for candies, the chubby tot in red suspenders was twisting so much that a gold arrow fell out of his quiver. Tanya discovered it after he had already flown away.

“What a goof!” She hid the arrow between two large pillows on the sofa and almost immediately forgot about it. She could not wait to find out what Bab-Yagun had written.

“You certainly guessed who this is from,” as always no greeting and not troubling himself with punctuation marks, the grandson of Yagge began. “Please excuse the illegibility of this all because of Slander that is because of the frog feet Terribly inconvenient to write with them surely why till now not one professor has appeared among the frogs Pity I was not able to find out what they are hiding on the Main Staircase Fly back soon without fail we will again take them by surprise there Now I have thought out how to go around all the guard spells of Slander

“You had a note delivered here and asked to find out about the King of Ghosts He bothered you so you say I got some books from the genie Abdullah So as follows: The King of Ghosts — it is this spectral fellow with a toothless mouth on the entire head Some says that he is the first the most important genie some that he is a poltergeist but everyone agrees that he can pull spirits into himself and dissolve them They even say that he invokes very strong curses and that all his prophecies come true But in general very-very little is known about him So little that they do not even study him in evil spirits studies

“The King of Ghosts can only be seen on New Year’s eve and if nearby there is a spectre whom he is going to take away Briskus-quickus will not get the better of this fellow this is a fact — so do not even try Only one spell can drive him away — Justislanderis theokssiris

“That’s all Hope you made out my scribbles How is your double bass there?

Nightingale O. Robber ordered me to send you his regards He said that dragonball matches this year will be very serious All the same no joke — first place in the world Our

‘goal’ as last year will be the same Goyaryn The genies already received the order to scrub its scales to a dazzling lustre and generally to prepare Goyaryn so that it would be in the best form

“Well that’s all for the time being! By the way did I tell you the news? Nightingale took me instead of one of the senior pupils into the composite team Well all the same I jumped I want to grease my vacuum again”

Noticing a very large grease spot below the letter, Tanya smiled. She could imagine very well how Bab-Yagun lubricated his vacuum. He literally floods it with oil until everything inside begins to gurgle. Once Yagun overdid it to the point that he could not even sit down on the vacuum: he was always sliding off. “If he does not give up his habits, then the opposition’s dragon will not remain hungry for long,” thought Tanya.

Unexpectedly in the corridor voices were heard, and Uncle Herman, gesticulating, ran into the room. Behind him, a concerned Aunt Ninel rolled in like a rosy round loaf.

Tanya quickly hid the letter.

“And what’s this? You want to give me a stroke?” the best deputy shouted in a whine.

“Have you really forgotten that in twenty minutes the TV people are arriving?”

Aunt Ninel looked at Tanya critically. “You better change. You will take some of Pipa’s things,” she ordered.

The Durnevs stinted on nothing for Pipa, but always dressed Tanya simply awfully — in worn out junk, which Herman Durnev’s firm Second-Hand Socks dealt in. Therefore, for some reason Tanya always got things either not possible for her to get into or things clearly intended for a hippopotamus. In the first case, Aunt Ninel said, “Don’t talk nonsense, it’s not small on you!” and in the second case, “Always buy for children to grow into!”

Tanya had barely finished changing when two short rings at the door informed them of the arrival of the TV people. Having stopped pushing one another, Tanya and Pipa carefully opened the door slightly and looked into the corridor. Uncle Herman quickly stretched on his face the most affectionate expression and shook hands with the commentator — a small, robust little fellow in round glasses and long hair down to his shoulders. It was Nikolai Shmyglikov — the popular host of Meet the Family. Behind the back of the interviewer loomed his retinue: the bearded camera operator, the sound technician, and the makeup artist.

“Gu-d day!” coquettishly smacking his lips, Shmyglikov greeted Uncle Herman. “I hu-pe, we’re not late? Such a traf-fic jam on your Rublevka!”

“No harm done... You’re almost on time!” Uncle Herman said.

The TV people efficiently entered the apartment. “We’ll shoot here... Everybody, find room, and natural light!” The bearded camera operator decided, nodding to the large sofa, on which Tanya recently read the letter of Bab-Yagun.

“Gu-d, I agree. Only we ne-ed to bring a table in he-re. And even some fla-wers in a little po-ot. I need somewhere to hi-de the paper with my que-stions,” the anchor said languidly.

Uncle Herman began to nod hastily. “Ninelie, please, bring two flowers! I’ll also hide my paper with the answers!” he said.

“We don’t need this here! Everything must be na-tural! You’re at hu-me!” Shmyglikov protested.

While the camera operator, directing Aunt Ninel, dragged over a table and brought the flowers, the famous host flopped into the armchair and puffed up his cheeks. The makeup artist immediately started to flutter about with the brushes and the powder-case.

Meanwhile Uncle Herman extracted from somewhere a small bowl of toffee and placed it on the table next to Tanya. “Only try to make a slip of the tongue of something silly!

Sit and eat candy! And don’t take it into your head to let go of the dachshund!” he hissed in an undertone.

“And they’re not poisoned?” Tanya could not control herself.

“I’ll have a talk with you afterwards,” Uncle Herman turned slightly green and started to smile so affectionately that Tanya simply became terrified.

The shooting soon began. Tanya sat with the dachshund on her knees and chewed toffee as she was ordered. The toffees were not poisoned but so sticky that she could not open her mouth: her teeth were cemented to death. So, how crafty of Uncle Herman!

“Hul-lo, de-ar view-ers!” smiling dazzlingly, Shmyglikov began to chatter. “We are here as guests in the hu-me of the distinguished politician, the pres-peres bi-snisman deputy Herman Nikitich Durnev and his re-merkable family. Herman Nikitich, will you not present to us your family mem-bers?”

Uncle Herman began chattily to present Pipa and Aunt Ninel. Tanya was not particularly paying attention to his words, but she shuddered when he unexpectedly pronounced her name. “And this is Tanya Grotter! The orphan who has been living with us here for ten years already... A very complex child! She was abandoned to us, ha-ha, in a double bass case...” Uncle Herman said. The bearded camera operator instantly directed the lens of his camera toward Tanya.

“This? Her pe-rents were musi-cians?” Shmyglikov came alive.

“And where they got it! They for sure found the case in a dumpster!” Aunt Ninel snorted, but right away remembering, quickly added, “But nevertheless we love this girl like our own. And in general she’s best friends with our daughter Pipa.” On hearing this, Pipa furiously sneezed. Tanya, whose teeth were still glued together by the treacherous toffee, could only mumble in protest.

The interviewer carefully moved the paper behind the flowers. “What’s this wun-derful dou-g in the hands of your war-d?” he asked, wisely not attempting to pet the dachshund.

“This is One-And-A-Half Kilometres!” Uncle Herman said.

“What an original name!” Shmyglikov was enraptured. “I paid close attention to your pre-election cum-panions. It was so unu-sual. And where are your rabbits now?”

Uncle Herman hesitated. “They’re outside the city... We frequently visit them! It’s very hard for Herman without his fluffy friends, but he tries,” Aunt Ninel came to his rescue.

Suddenly the dachshund, waiting for a long time for a suitable moment, deftly jumped from Tanya’s knees to the table and gripped with its teeth the anchor’s papers with questions. This was its favourite game: to hold something in its teeth and not return it.

“My text! It took my text!” Shmyglikov exclaimed plaintively.

“It’s someone else’s paper! Can’t take! Give it to papa!” Uncle Herman ordered, energetically trying to recapture the pages from the dachshund. This was already a serious error. If Uncle Herman had pretended that the papers were necessary to no one, in a minute the dachshund would let go of them by itself. Now One-And-A-Half Kilometres closed its jaws tightly. It intended to fight to the end, and Aunt Ninel correctly grasped this.

“Herman! We’d better take the dog out!” she cooed with a warning, but the best deputy had already gotten into a rage. “Give it over!” he hissed. “You, long wiener! I’m saying it for the last time! Whom are you really turning up the heat on?” But it was a failure.

Growling, the dachshund rested its feet on the table and did not let go.

Pulling at the pages, the enraged Durnev jumped up and began forcefully to spin the dog over his head. “Don’t!” Pipa screamed, but it was already too late. The pages tore with a crack, and One-And-A-Half Kilometres, gathering its feet, tumbled exactly onto the head of the interviewer. “My wig! Turn off the camera! It’ll tear off my wig!”

Shmyglikov was frightened and, confusedly gesticulating, accidentally pushed the table.

The heavy table struck Uncle Herman under the knees. The best deputy lost his balance and flopped down together with everything onto the sofa, which sagged almost to the floor. But a second later Uncle Herman set up a howl in a superhuman voice and hit the ceiling. “I’m injured! Terrible pain! Snipers shot at me! Worse, I sat on a needle!” he began to moan.

Aunt Ninel and Pipa rushed to Uncle Herman. “Herman, don’t get excited! You don’t even have a droplet of blood!” Having examined him, Aunt Ninel calmed her husband.

“Indeed! But what pricked me then?” Uncle Herman asked disbelievingly. But even before he uttered this, Tanya recalled about the cupid’s gold arrow hidden between the cushions of the sofa. If Uncle Herman was pricked by this arrow, he without fail will fall in love with someone, but with whom here?

Meanwhile something was definitely happening to Durnev. He first turned blue, then grew red, then before his eyes chubby little red hearts began to jump, and something sweet stabbed him in the chest. “I’m dying! It’s the end for me!” he groaned, slipping down to the floor.

“Shoot, shoot everything except me! It’s sensational!” covering his bald spot with his hand, Nikolai Shmyglikov shouted to the bearded camera operator.

The dachshund One-And-A-Half Kilometres showed itself from under the chair and, after spitting out the soiled wig of the anchor, began to drag the sneakers off Uncle Herman. It decided that once the owner had died, he would not need the sneakers, and it was now possible to slobber over them.

However, Uncle Herman suddenly opened one eye and neatly kicked the dachshund with a foot. “Hey, someone help get me up!” he demanded of Aunt Ninel. “Somehow I haven’t died!”

Leaning on his wife’s arm, Uncle Herman got up and began to look around perplexedly. On noticing his own reflection on the sideboard, the best deputy first recoiled, and then started to smile in embarrassment, “Ugh you! Who’s this one so good-looking? There!” he turned to Aunt Ninel.

“Herman, what’s with you? It’s you!” she was astonished.

“Me? Really?” Durnev was pleased. “How glad I am! What fine eyes I have, what a well-formed nose... And a determined chin? And indeed I am even clever for sure!”

“Eh-eh... Well, yes...” the amazed Aunt Ninel mumbled.

Uncle Herman indulgently patted her cheek. “I also thought so. Poor little fatty, I’m sure you’ll fall head over heels in love with me! Simply one can’t fail to fall in love with me! If you want, I’ll move away a little and you can admire me from a distance! Is there a large mirror here somewhere?” Uncle Herman exclaimed and, swinging his arms exactly like butterfly wings, flitted away into the corridor. “Interesting, will someone be able to love me as much as I love myself?” he howled along the way.

After him hurriedly dashed the camera operator, Shmyglikov with the entire retinue, and Pipa with Aunt Ninel. Tanya remained alone in the room. She was rolling on the sofa with laughter, hearing how they tried to tear Uncle Herman away from the mirror, but he exclaimed, “Tra-la-la! Please go see how handsome I am! And the eyebrows? You have not yet seen the eyebrows! Hey, get this bald one away! Why is he running after me with a microphone? Someone, give me the fly swatter! This type admires me inadequately!”

A loud slap was heard following this. Likely, with his hand Uncle Herman slapped the bald spot of the interviewer. Nikolai Shmyglikov squealed plaintively. The sound technician and the makeup artist rushed to protect him. In the corridor a brawl started.

Aunt Ninel and the dachshund battled on Uncle Herman’s side. Pipa in a panic hid in the cabinet and squealed.

A minute had not passed and, as the loud footfall of feet on the stairs and the triumphant hooting of Uncle Herman communicated, the best deputy and his powerful spouse won a difficult victory.

“Hey, girl!” Uncle Herman shouted to the daughter. “Come out from the cabinet! You saw how strong I am? How courageously I fought? And they’ll show all this on TV! The entire country will see me! By the way, where’s that frightful fatty, who sent everyone flying here? Oh well, let her admire me, though she’s not my type.”

“I’m here, Herman!” a low voice was heard, and Aunt Ninel loomed at the doors — red as red calico and enraged like a bull. Moving her arms apart, she slowly advanced on her husband. Uncle Herman instantly evaluated the threat and with a jog-trot dashed to hide under the bed. “Don’t break my nose! With a broken nose they’ll not take me into modelling!” he cheeped in terror.

Laughing out loud, Tanya slipped down from the sofa onto the floor. The former Lisper the Rabbit again broke all the records! The interview with him will be totally unforgettable!

* * *

The remaining days before New Year passed rather boringly — without any interesting occurrences. Uncle Herman seemed completely normal, in any case, until they began to take away his mirror. Several times, he even went to the Duma and was terribly indignant that the people there admired him unsatisfactorily. The scandalous broadcast went on TV, but, in spite of expectations, it did not make much noise and did not ruin his career — Durnev was already considered such a joke. Moreover, everyone’s thoughts were occupied with the forthcoming festivities.

Soon after midnight, having sat for a couple of hours at the table and then by the TV, the Durnevs went off to bed, having told Pipa significantly that her gifts would be waiting under the fir tree tomorrow. “Excellent! Perhaps, Grandfather Frost will break through on a cart with square wheels!” Pipa hemmed.

Pipa believed in Grandfather Frost even less than African tribes not acquainted with winter, but then she did believe in the power of whining. Moreover, she had time to peep where Aunt Ninel hid all the rolls and packets, when she had only just brought them in from the car.

Tanya was also soon lying down and she began to think about Tibidox. She tried to imagine what gifts she would give Bab-Yagun and Vanka and what they would give her.

Her daydreaming was already beginning to change into pleasant and light New-Year dreams gradually, when suddenly some unpleasant hissing sound woke her. Opening her eyes, Tanya sat up with a jerk. A greyish fog was swirling and thickening in the middle of the room. Then it suddenly turned into a mad howling vortex — and it was even much more terrible that this vortex did not stir the sheets of paper on the table. “Who’s there?”

Tanya asked in agitation.

The fog finally thickened, and suddenly in the middle of the room was clearly traced the contour of a short hunchback with an enormous knobbly head and the narrow mouth of a toad. The windowsill was seen vaguely through his body. The eyes of the hunchback indifferently slid around the room and stopped at Tanya. “Where is she?” the hunchback asked in a squeaky voice.

“Who?”

“The spectre, to which I sent the marker! Unhealed Lady... The time has come for her to disappear! Aha, I already sense her...” The hunchback turned his ugly head. The

sobbing, unsuccessfully held in control, clearly reached them from under the sofa. The King of Ghosts snapped his fingers, and the lid of the trunk was thrown open. Unhealed

sobbing, unsuccessfully held in control, clearly reached them from under the sofa. The King of Ghosts snapped his fingers, and the lid of the trunk was thrown open. Unhealed