Comparación normativa Art. 31° Número 6:

It’s one thing to be able to go through the motions of seducing a woman. It’s another to actually incorporate seduction into who you are. It’s the difference between “doing” and “being.” In one case you are a man who is able to seduce women. In the other, you are a seductive man.

To be a seductive man you need to have a strong sexuality. That means that you are (1) in touch with your sexual desires, (2) accepting of them and not afraid of them, and (3) willing and able to express them. This simple three-part model enables you to develop a strong sexual aura that women will be able to sense when you are out with them or approaching them.

Getting in touch with your sexual desires

Do you know what you like in women? Do you know what your preferences are? Do you know what your standards are? Do you know what you are drawn to? What do you like to do in the bedroom? How do you like to hold women? What do you enjoy doing with women on a date? If you can’t answer these kinds of questions, then you are not fully in touch with your desires.

So the first step is to figure it out. Figure out what your preferences are and what gets you excited. Figure out what draws you in and what turns you away. It might take some trial and error, and that’s perfectly fine. If you have no experience with women, then you need to talk to them, have

conversations with them and take them out on dates to get a clearer idea of what you like. Men who have experience with women, and who are honest with themselves, are usually very clear in their desires.

You should be aware when you are physically attracted to a woman. But you should also know what you like in intangible terms: personality, sense of humor, values, goals, sense of style, and so on15. Clarifying these things helps you develop your personal sexual identity, and gives you a better handle on your personal standards for women and what you will and will not accept in a partner.

Accepting your sexual desires

Once you are aware of what you want, you must accept it. Unfortunately many men have hang-ups and issues with respect to their desires for women. Sometimes these stem from a very religious or

conservative upbringing. Sometimes it has to do with bizarre messages received from the culture and media. Sometimes it’s caused by bad experiences and negative feedback from past girlfriends. Regardless of the cause, this is something that you will need to move past in order to embrace your sexuality fully. Another person will not be able to accept you if you don’t first accept yourself.

You accept the fact that you need to sleep, that you like certain foods over others, that you like to dress a certain way. So why should your sexual preferences be any different? Sex is a part of your life like any

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84 other. It’s not going to go away, and it’s not a problem or an annoyance. It just needs to be respected and accepted.

Accepting your sexual desires does not imply letting them take over your life or turning into a sex- obsessed maniac. It just means allowing sex to play a normal, natural part of your life. It does not deserve excessive condemnation or excessive celebration. Sex and romance should be integrated into your overall life. It should not be squashed into a corner and diminished. And neither should it be blown up beyond proportion and interfere with other things.

Having a healthy, balanced attitude towards sex not only makes you infinitely more sane and calm overall, but it also makes you stand out in a world where men are often afraid and intimidated by everything having to do with sex—from their own sexual desires, to women’s sexuality, to the sexuality of other men.

Expressing your sexual desires

This is where the rubber meets the road, and where you actually take risks and put your desires out there. This is all about communication, and we know there are two main ways of communicating with women: verbal and nonverbal.

Nonverbal communication is the most effective way of expressing your sexual desires to women. If you have already gone through the first two steps—getting in touch with your sexual desires, and accepting them and embracing them—then the hardest part is already over. You will find that “expressing your desires” comes very natural as you are interacting with the girl. She will sense your sexuality through your voice tone, eye contact, body positioning, gestures and facial expressions.

Verbal communication is the second choice when it comes to sexual expression. Nonverbal

communication is the most powerful, but words can be effective if you know how to use them correctly. Flirting, teasing, and bringing up sexual- or romantic-themed topics are all good ways to escalate

verbally. As you progress further in the seduction, you can become more and more explicit and direct in your words (like with “dirty talk” in the bedroom or during foreplay)16.

While countless men want to learn the right things to do or say to get more sexual with women, the fact is that the vast majority of sexual communication happens just beneath the surface. Instead of being a product of directed, conscious effort, it’s mostly a result of your attitude, psychology and state of mind. If you are in touch with your desires and totally comfortable with your sexuality, then you will

automatically do things and say things that send the interaction in a sexual direction.

You can learn and execute certain tactics to convey a more sexual vibe and generate more sexual tension (including many of the techniques discussed in the previous chapters). But in the long run, the only way to achieve a high level of skill in this area is to get your attitude and beliefs around sex and your own desires sorted out. If you are clear and open with what you want, then everything—from approaching, to flirting, to asking girls out, to physical escalation—becomes totally natural and

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85 straightforward. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything, because you’re already acting in congruence with your desires. You are living in a completely honest and open way.

In the long run, all outer game comes from inner game. The ability to express your sexuality is directly tied to your awareness and acceptance of it.

Developing the killer instinct

The “killer instinct” is the trait that all master seducers, pickup artists, players, hustlers and whatever you want to call them have. It means the ability and willingness to identify opportunities and pursue them consistently. Consistency is one of the most important differences between a guy who is great with women and who gets his desired results regularly, and a guy who is merely “good” and gets results, even good results, but only from time to time.

Consistency of action and taking initiative is essential for consistent results. Advanced guys are able to switch to higher consistency when they want it. They are never in a situation where they really don’t know what to do or how to do it. Their results come from choice, not chance.

And the killer instinct is one of the critical qualities of those guys who are beyond the “pretty good” stage. There are two key parts to developing the killer instinct: identifying opportunities, and going after them consistently. One without the other is good, but not sufficient for the highest level of seductive skill.

If you can identify opportunities, but not go after them consistently, then you will be very observant and aware, but you will not get the regular results because you are simply not taking action and initiating things enough. On the other hand, if you take action more or less whenever you see an opportunity, but you are not able to see very many of them, then your results will suffer from your lack of awareness and inability to see all of what is out there for you to take.

Noticing opportunities

Noticing opportunities applies everywhere. Not just to approaching and meeting women, but also at every stage of the process—conversation, asking her out, taking her on an instant date, kissing her, bringing her back to your place.

One of the most common shortcomings of beginners and guys with poor results is that they fail to see all of the opportunities in front of them. They don’t notice the women looking at them, they don’t realize they can ask for her number, they don’t realize they can kiss her much earlier than they think, and they don’t realize that they can invite girls back to their place much more often than they currently do. Just doing these basic things and going through the motions over and over is enough to significantly transform results.

This doesn’t apply to every beginner (some guys are just not very attractive and need to improve in their fashion, body language, and other areas for women to notice them), but it applies to enough guys that it is a very common problem.

86 The really advanced guys who get amazing results can see things that other guys can’t see. They have been practicing and looking for women for so long that it has become second-nature to notice details and subtleties in social settings that elude others. The way a woman makes eye contact from across the room—might be a sign of wanting to talk to him. A woman’s body language sitting in the corner says that she is bored and waiting for someone interesting to approach her. A woman is strolling leisurely outside while other people are rushing to and fro—a sign of greater openness to being approached and chatted up. The way she is looking at him and her open body language suggests that she is open to an instant date. The way she is making out with him tells him he can slip his hand up her skirt.

To be able to notice as many opportunities as possible, you need to first understand that opportunities really are everywhere. As long as you are in an area with at least a decent amount of people, with a diversity of ages, and a gender ratio of at least parity, there will be opportunities. But they might not be where you expect.

When you are out in your daily life on public transportation, walking in the street, whenever you enter a new room or store or shop, make an effort to count how many attractive women there are. You have to be looking for the opportunities before you can see them. In time, this looking habit will become second nature, but until then, you have to make a conscious effort.

Be open to seeing opportunities. Don’t assume they can only occur in one kind of place—bars and nightclubs being the classic example. There might be a woman in the elevator that you want to meet, or waiting in line at the supermarket, or sitting texting on her phone in the lobby of your office building. In the same way, don’t assume that opportunities to go out with a girl or to kiss a girl must occur under very specific, narrow circumstances. You might be able to kiss a girl within minutes of meeting her (especially in night game). You might be able to take a girl on an instant date—essentially going out with her right upon meeting her, and capitalizing on the emotions and energy in the moment, instead of waiting several days and trying to build up interest again. Keep in mind the logistical situation and the opportunities and challenges it presents17.

Pursuing opportunities

Pursuing opportunities means going after what you want without shame and without worrying about what the girl, or anyone else, will think of you. Taking risks and taking initiative is one of the key qualities of an attractive man. If you are in touch with your sexuality, accepting of it, and willing and able to express it, then pursuing opportunities simply becomes a matter of taking action. Push yourself to go after those opportunities.

You can make it easier by breaking down the action into smaller pieces, and focus on whichever mini- action you are having trouble with at the moment: walking towards women, opening your mouth, saying something to them, carrying on a conversation, flirting, asking for phone numbers, etc.

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87 And the same principle applies at the more advanced levels. Focus on one step at a time until you are where you want to be: making out with girls, sexual innuendo, feeling her up, getting her back to your place, foreplay, taking her clothes off, and so on.

For approaching women (which is the most important part of game and seduction), get in the habit of approaching women any time the opportunity presents itself. You can do this by talking to people everywhere you go and incorporating talking to strangers into your lifestyle. Talking with random people does not come automatic to introverts, but this skill is absolutely learnable. Practice talking to cashiers, retail workers, bartenders, people waiting with you in line at the supermarket, bus stop, post office, or anywhere else.

Get in the habit of being friendly, open and approachable with strangers. It will not be long before you will see a hot girl, and approach her as a reflex, with zero hesitation. The more often you do something, the more naturally it will come to you. Being more social, friendly and willing to talk to strangers is a very positive habit for you to get into as an introvert. Don’t assume you have to drain yourself by being super high energy. A simple compliment, innocent observation with a smile, or idle chitchat can go a long way in your development.

Whenever I tell people I just met (including attractive women) that I’m an introvert, they always react with disbelief. I come across as an extravert to them because I am friendly and have very little

nervousness approaching strangers. I am still an introvert, but I have developed this skill. If I can do it, then any other introverted man can do it too.

You are already attractive

One of the most critical insights that men tend to miss is that they have attractive qualities simply by being a man. Just by being of the male gender, the basis of attraction from women exists within you. What you do with that core potential is up to you.

You have probably been in conversations with girls who you did not find particularly attractive. Maybe she was overweight, maybe she wasn’t really your type physically. But there was something about her that was still a little interesting. It might have been something in the sound of her voice, the way she flipped her hair, the way her hips moved when she walked, the way her sweater conformed to her breasts, or her silly wide-eyed expression when you mentioned her favorite TV show. Even though she wasn’t attractive enough for you to ask her out, there was still a little something there that got your attention for a moment.

What was that? Femininity. Simply by virtue of being a female, she has the raw material to attract men. It is up to her what she does with it—whether she gets in better shape, learns to flirt better with men, and so on.

In our case as men, the same rule applies. We have masculinity, the raw material with which to attract women. Seemingly minor things like the way you move your shoulders as you walk, your facial hair, the deepness of your voice, your chest hair, the roughness of your palms, the thickness of your arms, the

88 way you sit with legs apart, the slight bulge in your pants (or maybe not-so-slight), the fact that you are taller than her—all of these send the signal that you are a man. Women may not talk about them, but they notice them. These are the little masculine details that get a girl’s attention.

How you feel about your masculine qualities is up to you. Do you embrace them or not even notice them to begin with? Do you think of yourself as masculine and sexual? Do you see a guy who is at least potentially attractive when you look in the mirror? Or do you just see the same old face you’ve been looking at for years?

Aside from how you feel, you also can change how you act. You can adjust your body language to accentuate your masculinity and confidence. You can dress in a more “manly” way—for instance, by ditching the boring ill-fitting t-shirt (which is genderless) and putting on a nice suit (which is clearly masculine). You can speak louder and deeper. You can improve your facial hair and make it stylish and slick. You can get in shape and lose the gut or bulk up your arms. Again, the tools are at your disposal. There are women out there who are already attracted to you. If they are the kind of girls you are attracted to as well, then your main job is to approach, escalate and seduce them. If those girls are not attractive enough, then you need to either adjust your context or improve yourself and become more interesting to the women you do desire.

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