Los componentes afectivos

All five participants expressed a profound fear of the unknown in relation to their abusers. Although all participants had left abusive relationships, fear of the abusers continued but in a markedly different form. Whereas it could be argued that there was a certain degree of predictability within the women’s abusive relationships, either in cyclicality or constancy, there was sense in which the fear the women experienced transformed into something wholly out of control once the relationship was over, so much so that their fear came across palpably. Participants described the fear of not being able to predict their abusers’ future actions:

“In two years’ time, he thinks he can walk back into the house and legally I haven’t got a leg to stand on, that’s the trouble, unless he breaks the restraining order. He thinks he can just come back in and that’s my worry really ... so you’re on tenterhooks then, wondering if he’s going to come back.” (Megan)

“For a good six months my emotions were, like, still high. I was still jumping at every noise.” (Carlotta)

The fear of the unknown was palpably present even for the participants whose ex-partners were currently on remand:

“I mean, obviously, like, I’m dead scared, thinking ‘what’s gonna happen when he gets out?’ He’s gonna be fuming with me. There’s gonna be repercussions. So, it is quite scary. (Michelle)

“Every time, even when I get this new house, every time I put that key in my door when he’s out of prison I’m always going to think ‘is he in my house?’” (Mary)

This finding, one of the most surprising of the study, highlights the changing nature of fear experienced by participants as it transformed in size and scope to become a constant presence permeating the women’s lives, even for those whose ex-partners were incarcerated. This is

significant in understanding why women might remain in abusive relationships or return to them after leaving, highlighting the importance of ongoing protection and emotional support for women who have left their abusers.

4.7.2 Looking Forward to the Future

In spite of participants’ persistent fear, all five women expressed joy and gratitude that they were no longer in abusive relationships:

“Things are good now, things are so much better. I feel so much better in myself. I’d sooner live on my own for the rest of my life than go through this ever again, you know?” (Megan)

“I’ve had more of a life not being with Larry than I did with him. I’ve been on holiday three times. Anna’s been away with me. In the years I was with him, I didn’t go away once.” (Carlotta)

Participants talked enthusiastically about their hopes for the future:

“I’m going to finish my level two in Maths and English and I’m going to start dental nursing ... at the dental hospital in Manchester. That’s what I’m hoping to do.” (Sarah)

“Oh my future! I don’t think of my past, that’s what the difference is. When I think of the past and I think of him, I kind of get all sad and stuff but when I think of me and my future, I’m so happy because I can do what I want now and speak to who I want. I’ve got my friends back, my family [pause] and I’m back. Me! I’m not the quiet one who used to sit in the corner and have him speaking for me.” (Mary)

That participants were able to talk in concrete terms about their hopes for the future in spite of the ongoing fear they felt indicates that they experienced strongly conflicting emotional states simultaneously. Fear did not prevent participants from experiencing joy and hope nor did positive emotions assuage the women’s profound sense of fear. Women who are supported to manage their levels of fear while they are also encouraged to focus on achieving their future plans may be less likely to return to abusive relationships as, in the longer term, hope prevails fear.

4.7.3 Inner Strength

Developing inner strength was mentioned explicitly by all participants:

“I am quite a strong person. I’ve been through a lot. I don’t let me affect me. It might affect me for a few days but as soon as my head’s back on track, I’m up and I’m out.” (Michelle)

“He always said to me I would never manage without him and I’d struggle but it’s not the case. It’s him who’s not managing. I’m stronger than he thinks.” (Megan)

“We don’t choose to be abused ... It happens and women just need to realise that you can pick up yourself. We are strong enough to do it. If you’re strong enough to realise it’s happening to you, then you can take the next step to actually say ‘no, it’s not happening’ and you can do it all the way.” (Sarah)

“I’ve gone from strength to strength since leaving Larry. It was the best thing I ever done in my life and I’m so glad I got out of it. I’ve built my life up and I’ve seen him since and he knows that I don’t take his shit anymore. I’ve got a lot to live for and I’ve worked hard for it. I’m not letting this knock me down because,

you know, if I’d let it knock me down, I’d have given up a long time ago.” (Carlotta)

Sarah’s use of the word ‘we’ suggests that she developed a sense of sisterhood brought about by living in close proximity with other women with whom she had a shared experience. Inner strength is, therefore, derived from a sense of community and solidarity. Sarah then refers to abuse “happening to you” in which she intends her words to be a source of encouragement for other women still trapped in abusive relationships. In this way, Sarah makes the transition from victim to survivor. The women’s statements dispel the notion of the downtrodden abused woman who becomes permanently trapped in the role of victim (Walker, 1979/1984). Instead, participants found the strength to leave their abusers and articulated their wishes to lead happy, productive lives. They can only do this with the help of different agencies offering protection and support to help them leave abusive relationships and make sense of the aftermath.