Regardless of the reason for the departure, children experience different emotions at different times and cope with the father's absence in different ways. How the participant
copes and comes to terms with the absence depends on the participant's comprehension of why the father is absent and how the father is represented in light of his absence. Thus, coping with the father absence is tied to the representation of the father.
As mentioned earlier, many participants appeared confused over the real reason the father was no longer present in the household, and many participants said that they had several unanswered questions they would like answered. Questions such as 'Who is my father?', 'What does he look like?', 'Does my father not love me?' created an environment of uncertainty and confusion. Some participants, whose fathers had abandoned them, had a strong desire to locate and find out the real reason for his leaving and longed to
eventually have a relationship with their father. They expressed a strong desire to locate their biological fathers. This desire again highlights that the emotional need that a child has for his father should not be denied.
In this study, consistent with Balcom's (1998) findings, participants expressed one of two variants of intense emotions related to their fathers. Evidence of emotional reactivity was evident in this study when participants distanced themselves from their fathers by
expressing that they are very different from their fathers and claiming that they did not want to repeat the same mistakes their fathers had made. This distancing could be directly caused by the father's physical and emotional absence leading the son to deny the
importance of his father, the negative representation of the father facilitated by the mother or significant others, or the participant's own negative experiences with the father. The second variant of intense emotions related to their fathers was the idealisation and great admiration of the father expressed by some participants in this study. Despite the father's 'not being there' for the participants, some emphasized they had great respect for their fathers and wished to be like them, idealising their absent father. This
idealisation could be based on an actual experience with the father or the fantasy of the 'ideal father' that participants long for, despite the father's lack of commitment and responsibility for his son.
Furthermore, this study revealed that the nature of the absence affected some
highlights that how the participant copes with this absence depends on the participant's understanding of why the father is absent. Some participants expressed confusion over the perceived reason given for the father's departure, blaming themselves for the father absence. They openly admitted to the thoughts that they had caused the absence and tended to feel responsible for it. Some participants questioned whether their father did not like them, believing the separation was their fault, thus representing themselves
negatively. Thus, for some participants, the perceived reasons for the father's departure influenced their own self-representation, resulting in feelings of self-blame and damage to their sense of worthiness. The lack of clarity about why the father left caused the son to question his value to others, asking the question 'was I not good enough?' This lack of clarity also created a desire to connect with the father and seek answers to such
unresolved questions. Other participants in this study expressed feelings of a profound sense of deep sadness, loss, and emptiness. Many of the participants felt intense pain and hurt at not having their fathers around and expressed a painful desire to connect with their father some day; two of the participants said that they have the need to call someone 'baba'.
It is also important to note that the presence of multiple voices was evident across interviews. Participants did not speak with one voice and often presented multiple
representations of their fathers. Some participants talked about the good characteristics of the father, longing to be like him, representing him positively, but, at the same time, they also said that they hated the father for deserting the family, hence viewing him in a negative light. Reasons for these multiple voices could be due to participants' different personal experiences with the father, sometimes positive and sometimes negative, thus leading to the varied and multiple voices. Another explanation could be the conflicting representations offered by significant others about the father which resulted in multiple and often mixed representations of the father.
In order to cope with these feelings and try to resolve their internal conflicts, participants often employed a variety of discursive strategies. Participants would negotiate and manage these feelings by trying to rationalize the issue through internal dialogue,
constructing, justifying, and substantiating their feelings through talk. Most participants would do this by stressing how fortunate they are and by comparing themselves to children who are in worse situations than they are, such as children who have lost both their parents. Thus, participants attempted to mitigate some of the negative effects of not having a father in the house by normalizing their situation, by comparing themselves to other children with no parents, and thus feeling grateful to still have their mothers in their lives. Other participants substantiated their feelings through talk by stressing the positive aspects of their father and constructing and representing him positively. Thus, although the father may be remarried, he still maintained contact with the participant. By
comparing themselves to other fathers who remarry and forget about his children, participants reported feeling lucky insofar as they have their father's love and respect. Employing these strategies helps participants alleviate their feelings of sadness and distress at the absence of their fathers and makes them feel better about themselves and the situation they are in.