Stigmatising women because of what they wear also occurs in public functions and professional environments. Hajia Reprem Mishmut narrated an experience that illustrates the way in which community groups can intimidate women who no longer visibly belong to the community:
During December, my brother invited me to go and help him during the Christmas holiday ... When I finished some chores, I decided go and see my other relatives ... When I was walking in the village, the youths kept shouting;
hey you woman, where are you going? What brought you here? You better remove that thing [a hijab] you are wearing... You see we face a lot of challenges from both sides, the rejection is eating [us] up seriously.
The statement above points to the hostility women come face to face with as a result the conflict. Such comments mostly directed at women is part of the way in which the experience of conflict in Jos and other parts of the Middle has made it easier for men to internalise how an ideal good women should dress or behave. For instance, women are taught to ignore derogatory comments for the sake of peace, because an angry response is usually taken to confirm the assumption of bad character. Such comments and remarks play a very important part in making life difficult for those married into another community. In some cases, women even endure accusations of contamination from their own family members. The experience of Hajia Kamran Jepmu sheds light on the way women’s lives are being controlled even under normal circumstances, sometimes by family members considered much younger than them but who enjoy the
privilege of being male. Hajia Kamran Jepmu faced many challenges at the beginning of her marriage. She said:
When I delivered my first daughter I wanted to go home and show her to my parents. My own junior brother said to me: ‘I am going to kill you and the baby if you dare visit us.’ He said he does not want any Muslim or Muslim baby in their house, because it is a contamination of the full indigene blood. He started beating me with the girl, he tore my clothes ... to the extent that we were admitted in the Hospital.
Thus, women are targeted partly because of their choice of husband and more because of their gender. The statement above demonstrates how ethnic and religious divisions further isolate women. The main source of comfort for many women suffering the loneliness of growing suspicion from their natal family and community is their immediate family, i.e. their husbands and children. For instance, Mrs Matyen Muktar told me her husband is her best friend and that his home, even though the area is dangerous for Christians like herself is her home. She told me: “There is nowhere like home and your family are your friends.” She said: “I married my husband getting to 37 years now”79 and explained:
We all live here in peace with one another and I had my nephews who lived here with us from childhood and they are orphans. This is their home from childhood and we are the only parents they have known all this while, but with
79I noticed a big smile on Mr Muktar’s face when his wife said “my husband is my childhood friend and my best friend.”
the conflict they had to go because they are Christians, and with the lingering ethnic and religious intolerance, they had to leave.
Not all marriages survive the pressures of the conflict. For Hajia Sharki Sharfina, the challenge was much more than her family could bear. She narrated the effect of the fall-out from the 2010 crisis on her own life:
One of the day I was in the office like that and the crisis in Jos started and my husband rang me and asked: ‘where are you’? I said I was in the office, and he said, I am leaving the house oh, you better hurry up and come and see your children, because I am going [away]. I said to him, where are you going to? He said just hurry up, they have started fighting from Bukuru and before it gets here I am going to leave. I said to him why are you leaving the children, can you go with them and when I come to collect them? He said no, he does not even know where he is going to, so I should just hurry up.
I drove out my car from the office as quickly as I can [as if I was going to fly] ...
I got home and I called my children, are you all home?, and they said they are all home, and I said enter, and they all entered the living room where I was. And I said to them, there is crisis already and your father had left. And immediately I opened my door I saw a letter on the bed that he had written me that he had to leave. In it he said he could not put up with it anymore, he could not stay any more, he feels so mocked and he feels he will be safer among his Muslim brothers than where he is, so I should take care of the children.80
80 Mrs Sharki Sharfina narrated this aspect of her life to me with tears in her eyes and with so much pain in her voice. I remembered my eyes became so teary too and we had to stop the interview for a moment
The position of Hajia Sharki Sharfina in the narrative above presents part of the very complex and inevitable challenge that results from separation from their spouse, for example this situation where women in an inter-faith marriage have had to face divorce due to the displacement arising from the segregated settlements. As pointed out by Fukshiwe (2010: 38), “residential relationships hardly remain the same after violent conflicts, because what…follow[ed] such acts are separation, segregation and polarisation.” He stressed further that ‘people whose houses were destroyed no longer feel secure’ particularly when the reason for the destruction is ethnically and religiously motivated. In Jos itself and in some outlying villages, the violence has led to ethnic cleansing where the animosity and hatred recalls the Rwandan genocide, each group with the intension of wippingout the other, as formerly mixed villages or Jos neighbourhoods now consist of only one ethnic group and in some cases predominant religious groups. If an outsider is detected, he risks being killed on the spot (Campbell
& Harwood, 2013). The result of this situation is that women often face forced divorce, due to the insecurity associated with the conflict where they or their spouses are easily targeted. As will be discussed in the next section, looking after children under such conditions also becomes very challenging.