2. SEGUNDA PARTE: MICRÓFONOS ABIERTOS PARA CHILE
2.8 Con dedicatoria
In an influential book, the British sociologist Anthony Giddens argues that major changes have taken place in intimate relationships between people (particularly relation- ships between sexual partners). He relates these changes to the development of what he calls high modernity (his concept of high modernity is discussed on pp. 895–9).
Romant ic love
Giddens (1992) argues that premodern relationships in Europe were largely based around ‘economic circum- stance’. People got married to particular people largely to provide an economic context in which to produce a family. For the peasantry, life was so hard it ‘was unlikely to be conducive to sexual passion’. Married couples, according to research quoted by Giddens, rarely kissed or caressed. The aristocracy also married for reasons to do with reproduction and forming economic connections between families.
However, in the eighteenth century the idea of romantic lovebegan to develop,first among the aristoc- racy.Romantic love involved idealizing the object of one’s love and,for women in particular,telling stories to oneself about how one’s life could become fulfilled through the relationship.
The idea of romantic love was closely connected to the emergence of the novel as a literary form – romantic novels played an important part in spreading the idea of romantic love.It was also related to the limitation of family size.This allowed sex, for women, to gradually become separated from an endless round of (at the time very dangerous) pregnancy and childbirth. Romantic love contains the idea that people will be attracted to one another and this attrac- tion will lead to the partners being bound together. 51 2
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T h e m e s a n d P e r s p e c t i v e sIn theory, romantic love should be egalitarian. The bond is based upon mutual attraction. In practice, however, it has tended to lead to the dominance of men. Giddens says,‘For women dreams of romantic love have all too often led to grim domestic subjection.’ Sex is important in romantic love, but a successful sexual relationship is seen as stemming from the romantic attrac- tion,and not the other way round.In the ideal of romantic love, a woman saves herself, preserves her virginity, until the perfect man comes along.
Plast ic sexuali t y
Giddens argues that in the most recent phase of modernity the nature of intimate relationships has undergone profound changes.Virginity for women is no longer prized, and few women are virgins on their marriage day. Plastic sexuality has developed. With plastic sexuality, sex can be freed from its association with childbirth altogether. People have much greater choice over when,how often and with whom they engage in sex. The development of plastic sexuality was obviously connected to the development of improved methods of contraception. To Giddens, however, it began to emerge before these technological developments and has more social than technical origins.In particular,as we will see,it was tied up with the development of a sense of the self that could be actively chosen.
Confl uent love and the pure relat ionship
The emergence of plastic sexuality changes the nature of love. R omantic love is increasingly replaced by confluent love. Confluent love is ‘active contingent love’ which ‘jars with the “forever”, “one-and-only” qualities of the romantic love complex’.
In earlier eras divorce was difficult or impossible to obtain and it was difficult to engage openly in pre-marital relationships. Once people had married through romantic love they were usually stuck with one another however their relationship developed. Now people have much more choice.They are not compelled to stay together if the relationship is not working.
The ideal which people increasingly base relationships on is the pure relationship, rather than a marriage based on romantic passion. Pure relationships continue because people choose to stay in them. Giddens says:‘What holds the pure relationship together is the acceptance on the part of each partner,“until further notice”, that each gains sufficient benefit from the relationship to make its contin- uance worthwhile.’
Love is based upon emotional intimacy and only develops ‘to the degree to which each partner is prepared to reveal concerns and needs to the other and to be vulnerable to that other’.These concerns are constantly monitored by people to see if they are deriving sufficient satisfaction from the relationship to continue it. Marriage is increasingly an expression of such relationships once they are already established,rather than a way of achieving them.
However, pure relationships are not confined to marriage or indeed to heterosexual couples. In some cases and in some ways gay and lesbian relationships may come closer to pure relationships than heterosexual ones. Furthermore, pure relationships do not have to be based
upon exclusivity if both partners agree that they will not limit their sexual relationships to one another.
In general, Giddens sees pure relationships as having the potential for creating more equal relationships between men and women.They have an openness and a mutual concern and respect which make it difficult for one partner to be dominant. However,that does not mean that Giddens has an entirely positive view of contempo- rary marriage and other intimate relationships – far from it. He documents a whole range of emotional, psycholog- ical and physical abuses that can occur within contempo- rary relationships.T he pure relationship is more of an ideal than a relationship that has actually been achieved by most intimate couples. But Giddens does think there is a trend towards such relationships, because their development is intimately bound up with the development of modernity.
M odernit y and self-identit y
Giddens seesinstitutional reflexivity as a key, perhaps the key, characteristic of modernity. In premodern times institutions were largely governed by tradition. They carried on in certain ways because they had operated that way in the past. Modernity involves the increasing applica- tion of reason. Reason is used to work out how institu- tions can work better. Reflexivity describes the way in which people reflect upon the institutions that are part of the social world and try to change them for the better.
Increasingly, such reflexivity reaches into all areas of social life, including very personal areas. For example, publications such as the Kinsey R eport (a survey of sexual behaviour among Americans) opened up sex to critical reflection. An increasing number of self-help books, magazine columns and so on are written to help people reflect upon and try to improve their sex lives. Giddens says,‘the rise of such researches signals, and contributes to, an accelerating reflexivity on the level of the ordinary, everyday sexual practices’.
Reflexivity extends into the creation of self-identity. People can increasingly choose who they want to be.They are no longer stuck with the roles into which they are born and confined by the dictates of tradition.Within the limits of the opportunities available to them, people can increasingly shape who they are and who they think themselves to be.
Giddens argues there is a ‘reflexive project of the self’ which ‘is oriented only to control. It has no morality other than authenticity,a modern day version of the old maxim “to thine own self be true”.’ People want to discover who they really are, and trying different relationships can be an important part of this process. Seeking a pure relationship may, for example, allow an individual to try to decide whether they are truly homosexual,heterosexual or bisexual. People have far more choice of lifestyle than in the past, and trying different ones may be part of creating a self-identity. Giddens says,‘Today, however,given the lapse of tradition, the question “Who shall I be?” is inextricably bound up with “How shall I live?”’
Conclusion
If Giddens’s analysis is correct, then it certainly seems to explain the increasing rates of divorce and other relation- ship breakdowns and the greater pluralism of family
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F a m i l i e s a n d h o u s e h o l d sforms. The continuing popularity of marriage could be seen as part of the quest for the pure relationship. Certainly, Giddens seems to be on strong ground in arguing that there is more sense of choice in personal relationships than in the past.
However, Giddens may underestimate the degree to which factors such as class and ethnicity continue to influence the form that relationships take. Furthermore, other sociologists, while agreeing that there is now more choice, see this as resulting from somewhat different processes from those discussed by Giddens. Some see the changes in a much more negative light than Giddens does.