DIRECCIÓN DE ADMINISTRACIÓN DEL TALENTO HUMANO Nota:

We know that all seduction comes down to the balance between two forces: excitement and comfort. As a woman gets seduced by a man, she feels progressively more excited, stimulated and aroused by him, and progressively more emotionally connected, trusting, and comfortable with him.

Seduction is the transition from strangers to lovers, from the least intimate connection with someone, to the most intimate. It can’t happen without that initial spark of attraction, but at the same time, that is just the beginning. Seduction has roots primarily in comfort and familiarity. Professional PUAs have known this for years, and it still holds true.

Dating is not a competition

Seduction is often thought of in terms of “conquest.” To conquer means to defeat an enemy in battle. Is that the best way to think of women and dating? That women are the “enemy” and flirting and dating them is a “battle”? Perhaps for some men with an unhealthy attitude towards women. This kind of attitude tends to be popular with men who have been taken advantage of, or hurt emotionally in some way by a former girlfriend or ex-wife.

Seeing seduction as a zero-sum game with winners and losers (“if we have sex, I win, and if we don’t, then she wins”) is also often popular with men who have no idea how it really works, or who have extremely little exposure to the female gender21. They do not understand what women really want or what they are attracted to. All they know is that they want something, and women tend not to give it to them.

An entire book could be written on the problems with this attitude alone. But perhaps the most critical flaw is the idea that women are neutral or even against sex.

Women want sex

To the contrary, despite prevailing cultural stereotypes and assumptions, women are in many ways more desiring of sex than men. The female body contains the only human organ whose sole function is sexual pleasure (the clitoris).

Rather than sex being something that men have to convince women to partake in grudgingly, sex is something that women crave on a deep level. But they desire sex in a way that is different from men, and moreover, just because a woman desires sex does not mean she desires sex with a given individual man.

Whereas sex for men is primarily physical, for women it is primarily emotional and psychological. There is certainly an overlap between the physical and the emotional. The problem is that countless men think of sex in their own terms (the physical), without awareness of the emotional side of things.

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101 No wonder they have trouble “convincing” women to sleep with them. They are focusing their attention on the physical act, trying to impose their physical urges on the woman. When this effort fails, they come to the conclusion that “women don’t want sex.”

But what is really happening is that women don’t want sex that is unsatisfactory to them. An unattractive woman could try going out with man after man, and never able to sleep with one. She would come to the conclusion that “men don’t want sex.” But in reality, men do want sex, they just don’t want sex that will be unsatisfactory to them, or that will not feel good. Sex with an unattractive woman is not enticing to most men. And sex with a man who does not stimulate her emotionally (i.e. a man who is unattractive) is not enjoyable for most women.

There are certainly exceptions to this rule. Occasionally, an unattractive woman will be able to get a man to sleep with her. It will be a man who is not attracted to her, but narrowly focused on the sexual act and satisfying that urge. In the same way, occasionally a man will be able to sleep with a woman without any real emotional connection or engagement. It will be a woman who, for whatever reason, at that moment has a strong physical urge that overrides her normal desire for the emotional and

psychological experience.

Both scenarios are relatively uncommon. Women who are unattractive need to make themselves more attractive to become more sexually desirable (by getting to normal weight, getting clear skin, improving their hair, and so on), and men need to become more emotionally powerful and psychologically

engaging to become more sexually desirable to women (through conversation skills, mindset

adjustments, body language and nonverbal communication, calibration and contextual awareness—all of the elements discussed in this book).

The central role of emotional openness and genuineness in the seduction process means that men who shut down their emotional/ feeling side and concentrate their energy in the physical realm will miss out on sex more often than not. They will fail to stimulate or engage women and therefore fail to sleep with them.

The real conquest

Seduction can be thought of as a “conquest.” But if it is a conquest, it is a conquest as much of oneself as it is of a woman. You are not just conquering and overwhelming her emotionally. You are also breaking through your own emotional barriers and making yourself more vulnerable.

For a woman to open up physically, she has to open up emotionally. And for her to open up emotionally, you have to open up emotionally first. Seduction is not just about getting her own feminine, sexual nature to come out, it is also about getting rid of the clutter and baggage in your own head (much of it induced by the culture, society or your family background) to allow your masculine, sexual nature to come out. You are sexualizing yourself as much as you are sexualizing her.

Giacomo Casanova, one of history’s most famous seducers, said: “I do not conquer; I submit.”

102 Submission to the pure sexual power within yourself is a prerequisite to engaging a woman on sexual terms. Submit to that sexual power, submit to the effect that the woman has on you. Don’t fight it or constrain it, accept it without neediness or eagerness. And take action.

True leadership in seduction

We know about the importance of calibration and responding to her signals. But does the fact that you are reacting to her mean that she is in the lead and you are just playing the weaker role? No. To the contrary, the fact that you, as the man, are of a mind to push things forward means that you are occupying the leader position.

Being a leader does not mean steamrolling over one’s follower. You cannot be a leader without a follower. But the follower has to comply with the leader in order to be led. If the follower is not complying, then she is no longer following, and therefore you are no longer leading her.

Playing the overall dominant role in the relationship does not mean that you are blind to her

preferences or her input. A successful seduction is a give-and-take process. As such, if you are going to seduce the woman, it’s going to be with her approval and her acquiescence, by definition. Her sexual “stamp” will be on the end result as much as yours.

One of the things that makes seduction so interesting is the unique sexual chemistry between each man and woman. Even if you are the same man, each woman that you date or sleep with will bring out a slightly different part of your personality. She will talk about different things, touch you in different ways, kiss you in different ways, and give you different experiences. The nerdy undergrad who hates bars. The extraverted fashion designer. The medical student with a sarcastic sense of humor. The quiet girl who works in a nail salon. You can bring ten girls into your bedroom, and you will get ten different opinions on the décor and colors. Each girl you seduce has something new and different to offer you, in addition to her body.

This give-and-take process makes leadership in seduction quite enriching. As you lead another person to sex, you are not just becoming more confident and more powerful in your own right, but you are absorbing experiences and lessons along the way. Of course you have certain boundaries and

standards—that’s critical to making sure the experience is to your liking. But within those boundaries, many things are possible depending on the woman and what she has to offer.

Just as you are developing your own style of seduction and your own habits of sexual escalation, each woman is doing the same for herself, based on her own desires and her own personal journey. You can learn a lot about yourself from each relationship you have.

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