children’s success is their own aspirations for their children. For example, when asked why she helps her daughter in school, Sonia (A) responded, “Maybe it’s because my mother also taught me as a child, but maybe it’s also because I want my child to learn.” Aurora (A) echoed this sentiment and said of her daughter, “It’s important that children learn, that’s something no one can take away from you. It’s important because in case something happens to us, she can take care of herself.” Julie (A) shared that when her son was in first grade, he dropped out because he did not like school. After that school year, her son was more motivated, but he did not like going to school by himself, so Julie would always accompany him in school even if that was frowned upon. When asked why she persisted, Julie said:
Because I feel that my real goal is for my child to finish school; I feel bad that he would lose another year if I give up, he’d be pitiful (kawawa). If I can avoid that, if I can do it, why should I not give everything for him, right? That’s why I really persisted, even if some parents were saying, “Why is that mother always there?”
My God, that’s why I was always wishing then that he’d like going to school by himself. What I’d do sometimes is try to escape from his sight, especially when it’s time for his favorite teacher... until he got used to it.”
There was an evident preference for a college degree as this is perceived to be instrumental in securing a good-paying job in the Philippines. Although the participants acknowledged the difficulty and financial burden of sending their children to school, they expressed their willingness to do whatever it takes for their children to graduate. Kris (A) mentioned, “I want them to finish school. For as long as I can, I will send them to school. Not only high school, college. That’s the ultimate finish.” Aurora (A) had a similar response, “I want my daughter to graduate so she can get a good job. Whatever it takes, we’ll try to help them finish college.”
Some of the mothers also noted that they want their children to have a good life, and that that is attainable through higher education. Jane (C) shared, “What’s important for me is that my son will finish school, that he will not become like me and his father who only finished elementary school. I want all my three children to finish school so we can overcome poverty (makaahon sa hirap). That’s why I tell them to study hard.” Lyka (B) said, “I want to see them enjoying a good life when they finish school. That they are in a good state even if we’re no longer there, that we sent them to school no matter how difficult, and that they finished school. College, of course.” Veronica (C) said something similar about her niece of whom she is the legal guardian, “I really teach her so she will learn. Because we’re poor, they need to study because we have nothing to bequeath to them. They have to graduate so they can work, they will get whatever they want that we weren’t able to provide.”
As all the participants also grew up in low-income households, they were explicit that they do not want their children to experience what they had experienced as a child or what they are going through now. Myla (A) shared that she and her husband would sometimes argue as her husband would bring up his hardships as a child. Myla would tell him, “Why would you let your child experience what you have experienced?” Beth (B) mentioned that as a child, she would sometimes go to school without the things she needed. She said that times have changed and that is no longer acceptable, saying, “You can’t go to school without your complete materials, it’s unacceptable that your classmates have the things they need, and you don’t... You’ll fall behind. That’s why sometimes I tell my daughter that she’s lucky because I didn’t have school materials when I was studying, but she has them even if I’d need to borrow things for her, I really provide it.” Beth (B) added, “I promised myself that when I have children of my own, I will not let them experience what I experienced when I was studying. Now, what I want is to always be there for my daughter.”
Trina (A), whose mother died when she was 13 - years old and soon after grew up with a stepmother, reported, “I don’t want my child to experience what happened to me before because even if I still wanted to study, I didn’t feel like wanting to finish school because I didn’t like my parents.” Similarly, Monica (C) shared, “I really focus on them (her children) because my parents didn’t give me much attention as a child. I’m giving them what I didn’t receive because I know the feeling. I don’t want them to feel what I’ve felt, that I felt like I was alone, that I had no one to talk to.” Carmela (B) also had a similar experience:
That’s why I attend all those meetings in school, any meeting. I experienced it from my own parents who didn’t attend any of the school meetings. I looked stupid. One classmate would tease me, “You don’t have a mom!” … The things that my parents were not able to do for me, I do them for my child.