DISPOSICIÓN N.º 1558/DGIUR/

Enjoyment of sex within the realm of marriage is encouraged and fostered. Outside marriage women have to keep sexual experiences secret. The best way to convey how sexuality is celebrated and made public upon marriage and kept quiet outside of wedlock is to draw on my experiences as an unmarried woman upon my arrival and how this changed when I married.

As I have shown in previous chapters, a girl who has kept her virginity until marriage is highly respected in Futanke society. It is taboo for her to speak of any sexual experiences in public. Openly admitting to having lost one’s virginity before marriage is shameful and unmarried women are talked of as if they were virgins, even if it is unlikely that they are. As in Mali, even when a girl is not found to be a virgin upon marriage, the family are often in denial and pretend that marriage expectations were met (Diallo 2004: 177). Instead of openly admitting to no longer being a virgin, the bride and her parents are congratulated in public

through songs and compliments. However this is only possible if the bride has not had any children before wedlock (Diallo 2004: 177).

When I arrived in Bito, it was assumed that I was a virgin (mboomri), and I was treated like the other unmarried girls in the household. It was extremely shocking to people if I was seen outside the compound of my host family after dusk. When I did go out and was seen with men, the women in my family would show disapproval of my behaviour upon my return. They did not just fear that I might lose my virginity but also that my behaviour might jeopardise their reputation in the village, as they and others considered them to be my guardians. It apparently did not occur to them to ask me whether I really was a virgin or not, but their behaviour showed concern about my personal safety, since being publicly exposed as not being a virgin and being unmarried would have reflected badly on my reputation as a ‘responsible’, respectable person. Whenever I did speak to anyone who enquired about my marital status, of past boyfriends or sleeping arrangements, sexuality and intimacy in Europe, I was told that such talk would bring dishonour upon me and potentially upon my guardians. Linguistically, unmarried women and virgins are the same: Mboomri. Unmarried women are treated like virgins and girls have to conform to a comportment insinuating virginity; failure to respect this code of behaviour dishonours the girl and her guardians.

Beyond the presumption that unmarried women/virgins need protection, they are treated as if they know nothing about sexual pleasure. This is because women and men who engage in sexual relations before marriage have to do so secretly without the things that are considered to make sex ‘good’ and satisfying – the aphrodisiac, the chains of beads women wear around their stomach to excite their husbands (binbin) and the erotic underskirts (njodom) that people associate strongly with marital sex and pleasure.

During my fieldwork, older women spoke to me as if I knew nothing about life, pleasure and duty, as I was not yet married. They often jokingly insinuated what was waiting for me when I married. This was particularly the case if I remarked

on the lovely smell of incense in their bedrooms or teased them about their binbins. Besides being a sexual stimulant due to their clacking sound, wearing these beads shows that a woman is sexually interested because the sound is seductive to men. When women’s husbands were not around it was not appropriate for them to wear binbins, or to burn aphrodisiac incense (cuuray) in their bedrooms. Habi Sy, a close relation of my teacher who lived on another compound in Bito, was a middle-aged lady who had about eight children and was known to joke and tease young women and men in a sexual way. As her compound was closely linked to my family’s and she was ‘our’ grandmother’s daughter, I spent a lot of time with her, her husband and children. She often teased me when I remarked upon her lovely smelling gowns (boubou or wutte), saying that the day I married I was going to encounter a huge surprise. With sounds and gestures she crudely imitated what my husband would do with the binbins when I wore them upon my wedding night. Initially confused about what I perceived as the contradictions within this conservative society, that did not allow me to go out at night and assumed that I was a virgin with a reputation to lose, I was not sure how to react to such vulgar depictions of sexual acts and explicit advice. I laughed and was left perplexed.

Habi’s teasing of unmarried young people for knowing nothing about life or sexuality indicates the difference that people in Fouta Toro perceive between the child-like ignorance of sexual pleasure on the part of an unmarried woman to married ‘adult’ life where women (ceemeedo) and men are encouraged to enjoy sex. Whereas pre-marital sex isshrouded in silence and regarded as shameful and dangerous, marriage represents a transition to adult life, the taking on of responsibility (see chapter 5), the running of the household and indulgence in corporal pleasures.

After I married, women, particularly of older generations began to tease me, asking if I had learned their customary room preparations with aphrodisiac incense (cuuray) and the petits pagnes (njodom), which are loin cloths with holes in them believed to arouse men. Some women sent me presents of incense, others showed me how to sprinklethe incense made of African spices over hot ashes and

explained how else I could make the sheets and clothes smell nice. When I was seen walking down the village paths with bowls of hot coals for cuuray or other utensils, women cheered and told me that I was doing well, learning their customs and surely my husband would be very satisfied.88 If women found out in the mornings that I had not burnt any incense the previous night, or forgotten to wear the binbins, they looked worried. It did not make sense to them why I was so slack in preparing what they perceived to make sex good. They were concerned that if I did not perform these customs correctly, my husband might not be ‘satisfied’ and that I risked losing him. Besides making me aware of my duties, the emphasis in many conversations with women was on learning how to use these sexual stimulants.

I do not want to imply that my experiences were similar to a Futanke girl’s. Moreover, I was spared most of the duties of a newly married woman (jombaajo). However, these examples serve to illustrate the importance of sexual pleasure, and its enjoyment, to Futanke women and men. I argue that despite the existing measures of control that are taken to assure chastity in women, the enjoyment of sex (ngende) and expression of desire through the use of these utensils in the legitimate realms of marriage are not taboo in Fouta Toro. A wife’s and a husband’s failure to satisfy one another sexually can be a reason for divorce. A man’s impotence, for example, is seen as a valid reason for a woman to divorce her husband. I have also heard that women who refuse to have sex with their husbands breach the contract of marriage according to the Sharia. I knew of a man divorcing his wife because she refused to have sex with him. The reason given was that she was in so much pain – presumably because of complications arising from her excision scar after the birth of their first child. The cause of the pain was, however, not subject to public discussion. After a while he said ‘If you do not have sex with me I have to divorce you according to religion.’ The wife agreed, realising that she had violated the rules of marriage. Other people who were informed of their reasons for divorce agreed that the reasons were perfectly legitimate.

88 _{The local term used is weltinde, which locals translate as ‘satisfaire’ in French. It could also be}

translated, however, as ‘to please’ or ‘rendre content’ in French. There is no distinction between ‘to please’ and ‘to satisfy’ in Pulaar.

Diallo (2004) also discusses the seeming contradiction between excising women in Mali to take their pleasure away and simultaneously enhancing pleasure of married couples through sexual stimulants. She argues that in Mali, marriage imposes sexual duties on a woman. Some say that: ‘In general, wives’ sexuality is based on values and practices that aim primarily at satisfying their spouses’ needs’ (Diallo 2004: 182). Western conceptions of marital rape are laughed at because it is a woman’s duty to give herself to the man. However, Diallo adds that marriage provides women with a right to sexual fulfilment (2004: 182). Women request and enjoy sexual intercourse in perfect harmony with religious and customary requirements.

I encountered mixed views about sex being an ‘obligation’ or a ‘right’ during marriage. Some women evidently enjoyed making themselves desirable and motivating their husbands to have sex with them. Men react strongly to the smell of incense. I heard men say that the smell of cuuray ‘calls the husbands home and into the bedroom’. According to local discourse, the smell of cuuray is irresistible to men. I witnessed various occasions when a woman strongly smelt of cuuray, was dressed beautifully, walked slowly and spoke gently and men would say: ‘she wants to kill him tonight’ referring to the way in which she invoked desire. Although I showed in the previous chapter that women do not express their desire in words, making themselves desirable for their own man and ‘seducing’ him is considered ‘the art’ of Futanke women by many. Other women I met enjoyed sex less and performed the bedroom preparations only occasionally, reluctantly or as a response to social pressure rather than personal enjoyment.89

Diallo (2004) writes about the role of the magnonmakan upon a girl’s marriage in Mali. The magnonmakan is an elderly woman who advises the virgin bride on how to give pleasure to a man, or helps an already sexually active bride to improve her sexual performance. Besides advising on the preparation of the

89 _{Unmarried men make themselves desirable by being economically productive and displaying}

generosity by buying presents for girlfriends or fiancées. Men who do not manage to support their families well are not considered good husbands and are said not to ‘satisfy’ their wives’ or girlfriends’ needs. Men can also be desirable to women if they are socially successful – e.g. politically or as religious leaders.

bedroom she prepares special drinks made of roots and plants that are known for their aphrodisiac effect (Diallo 2004: 177). Although I have not heard of such experts being involved in marriage preparations in Fouta Toro, there certainly are experts on aphrodisiac tinctures who can be called upon by men and women. Men consult these experts if they suffer from impotence, or to improve their sexual performance. Women seek their help if they are worried about infertility or to ask for products that lubricate the vagina if they suffer from dryness which makes sexual intercourse painful.

Besides the experts that are consulted in cases of emergency, the aphrodisiac effect of different types of food often comes up in everyday conversation. I witnessed on numerous occasions during meal times how men praised the strengthening effect of yam. They claimed that it helped them to keep an erection at night-time. Similarly, expressing a taste for ginger juice is associated with liking its aphrodisiac effect. Such conversation often produces jokes and laughter at meal times, despite unmarried people being present. I also observed on various occasions people laughing when white volunteers bought dried roots at the market in Ourosogui to put into drinking water to improve its taste. Men laughed, asking these women who they were waiting for at night time. To locals these roots are known to have a lubricating effect on the vagina.

So far I have discussed how people talk about and prepare for sexual activities in the realms of the legitimate. None of what I have presented above is taboo or makes people feel uncomfortable; it is part of everyday sociality and banter. However, people also joke about what happens in the realms of the forbidden at night time when no one can see. In contrast to the ways in which sexual pleasure is enhanced without much concealment during marriage, the ways in which unmarried lovers meet each other are ‘secret’ but also known to people. Although it is not possible to admit having lovers, people gossip about what happens at night time and who has been seen wandering down the village paths in the moonlight.