Shyness is a debilitating condition for many men. It prevents them from functioning in social situations, from voicing their real concerns, and most sadly, from approaching the woman of their dreams.
The truth is that many shy men are exactly the kind of guys women look for. But since they're too timid, women get left with the swaggering jerks they always complain about but seem to date exclusively. If shyness has kept you from getting that special lady, read on to see how you can overcome it.
Step 1 - Practice with a friend. One of the big factors in shyness is the fear of rejection. Eliminate this factor by approaching and picking up a woman for your friend or your brother (but make sure your friend knows!). Since your own ego isn't at stake, you'll be less inhibited in your approach. You'll see it's no big deal and will want to pick up for yourself next time.
Step 2 - Focus on baby steps. Treat dating like a 12-step program. Start with a smile; show everyone (not just the cute girls) you're friendly and approachable. On following days, move up to saying "hi." A few days after that, engage in small talk. Keep going as you gradually open yourself up to people and see it's not as hard as you thought. If you make a blunder, forget about it. Most people are more forgiving than you think. If beautiful women intimidate you, take baby steps up the beauty scale. Start by approaching more average-looking women you feel confident with. As you become at ease with them, move on to prettier women, and so on.
Step 3 - Start by asking this special girl simple questions. You can show that you care by asking her simple questions, I have a good friend who meet girls almost exclusively in the New York Subway, by acting as if he have no idea which train to take, so he asks “Excuse me, do you know if the C train goes through here?”, after the obvious “Yes” or “I Don’t know”, he will replay “it’s so hard understanding the subway system, are you from here?”, and there you go, this will break the ice
Step 4 - Don't take things personally. If you want to succeed in the game of seduction, you can't take every comment, insinuation or joke that a woman might throw your way as a personal affront. People sometimes say things they don't mean. You'll have nothing to be self-conscious about if nothing bothers you
Step 5 - Learn to listen. Don't do all the talking. Let women talk about themselves for a while. Ask open-ended questions and just sit back and listen. If the conversation lulls, have new conversation topics ready. And to ease the burden of initiating something, have a few icebreakers handy to get the ball rolling, if you are doing all the talking that will increase the nervousness If you are already shy and nervous around woman, shut up – let her talk by asking questions.
Step 6 - Talk to a lot of people. Don't be afraid to chat up everyone you meet, from the old lady doing her groceries to the bank teller. Practice makes perfect
Step 7 – Overcome the fear of rejection. Great boxers go in the ring knowing there's a chance they'll lose. Similarly, you can't expect to succeed every time. Nothing is 100%, so view every encounter with a woman as a positive learning experience. The trick here is to not be self-conscious. Shyness and
hesitation occur when you think about your flaws. Instead, focus your thoughts entirely on the woman you're talking to. You'll forget about your jitters and she'll be flattered by the attention.
Step 8 - Get out and socialize. Join activities in which you're always interacting with people, such as the gym, exercise classes, a college society, or a hobby club. In these environments, you must always socialize, and after a while, you'll get comfortable with it. Furthermore, you're practically guaranteed to meet interesting women.
Step 9 – The buck starts with you. When you leave your shyness behind, which will take time and persistence, you'll see how much your life will change, as you'll begin to go after what you want with fewer fears. And here's a secret: should you enter a room and feel those familiar jitters, remember that most people you meet are too busy worrying about what others think about them to really notice and judge you.
Tips
Imagine that you are talking to a friend. That will loosen the tension and allow more comfortable conversation.
Make eye contact. This lets her know you are legitimately interested. But don't stare!
Be yourself.
Be respectful to women. They are not objects - always keep that in mind.
Compliment the little things; the things that most men wouldn't notice. When you do that, you let her know that the little things she does don't go unnoticed, and makes her feel special.
Never over-do anything. In fact, UNDER-do some things. If you drop that one little compliment, and leave it at that, she will want to talk to you more to see what else you have to say.
Warnings!
NEVER Over-compliment. Drop one here or there, but if you over-compliment, that will introduce a feeling of awkwardness and disparity. Women like their men to be strong, not desperate.
NEVER Complain. Girls hate it when men complain about their trouble when they first meet, that’s a waste of potential for great conversation.
Anyone who’s not used to approaching strangers will have a fear of approaching women. That’s normal.
Some people will find it easy; some will find it really hard to overcome this. It’s like you’re an actor going on stage for the first time in front of a large audience. You will feel your heart pumping, butterflies in your stomach and a lump in your throat … Even the most seasoned actors will feel anxiety before going on stage, but the difference is that they LEARN TO CONTROL IT. So that’s what you will have to do as well. Learn to control your fear and anxiety of approaching women you don’t know. Women strangers
— man, how scary does that sound? You never did that, right? You will, my friend, you will!
There are two schools of thought on dealing with the fear of approaching strangers. The first advocates therapy, as ridiculous as that may sound. In my opinion, doing a few exercises in your imagination might help somewhat, but won’t bring noticeable results. What I subscribe to is shock therapy. That’s how I got rid of my fear back when. If you want to quit smoking, you won’t do it with a bunch of nicotine patches. You’ll have to make the decision to stop for good. From that point on, there is no more smoking. It’s the same with girls. You’re standing in a club surrounded by girls. Your heart is pounding.
What should you do? You will decide to end your misery FOR ONCE and approach a girl RIGHT NOW …
just one of them. Of course, your first approach won’t be perfect. But as the saying goes, practice makes perfect. And that’s why I recommend mass approaches for your first time.
Look, I really don’t care what you say. But say something, and say it to as many girls as possible. The best environment for this would be a club. For the first few times, make sure you stay sober. Your only goal should be to overcome your fear of approaching girls. Alcohol will help with your inhibitions, but the next day, you will be the same person with the same fears and inner obstacles. Also, don’t bring any friends with you. They’ll just hold you back and contribute to your getting drunk. Go alone. If you can make sober approaches in a club, you will be able to make approaches ANYWHERE. Keep that in mind:
ANYWHERE.
Naturally, this is just the first step. On online seduction forums, there are many so-called seduction
“gurus,” who advocate this style not just for overcoming your initial fears, but for getting girls EVERY TIME. True, it’s good for newbies, but not for the guys wanting more. It takes focus for the most important part: the conversation with the girl. So, once you get used to approaching random women, it’s time to switch gears and focus on approaching the ones you want.
But for now, to overcome your initial fears, practice the following exercise:
1. Choose a club and go out alone. If you want to take someone with you, take one friend who’s willing to learn and won’t hold you back. (maybe someone who is already taken) If he does, don’t take him the next time you go. If you have to go alone, go alone. I did it many times. It’s no biggie. Without company, you’re forced to talk to people, and you will approach women. Even if you don’t approach anyone the first night, you will have enough remorse to do it the next time you go out.
Write it down right now:
This Saturday night – what club are you going to? : _______________________________.
What kind of girls can you expect to meet there? : ________________________________.
What will you wear? : _______________________________________________________.
How many girls will you hit on?: _______________________________________________.
How many phone numbers will you come back with?: _____________________________.
If you think big, will you come back home with a girl?: _____________________________.
TIP: Your success depends on your goal, if your goal is to get 2 numbers, you will barely talk to anyone!
2. Take a deep breath, try to loosen up as much as you can, and go up to a random girl. She doesn’t have to be the hottest one; your average girl will do for now. If she’s with a group, approach her directly.
If she’s with two or three girls, talk to all of them at the same time. But whomever you approach, DON’T HESITATE. This is the most important part. The more you hesitate, the less likely you are to approach a girl. Don’t leave yourself time to think. Count to five and go! Banish negative thoughts from your mind, and forget “What happens if?” questions. Nothing happens. Treat the whole club as your playground.
No one will laugh at you; no one will hurt you. It’s just some casual talking; no harm done to anyone, if your gutsy – invite her for a drink or ask her to dance.
3. After you have approached a girl or a group, talk to her/them. Even if you’re hesitant, and your legs are shaking and your heart is pounding, force yourself to smile and tell her something. The best method is to memorize a line, an “opener,” and use that on every girl that night. This way, additional focus and energy won’t be required to think up something to say, and you can concentrate on controlling yourself and your body language. For example, you could use: “Hi! Let me ask you a question. How would you describe your ideal guy? What character traits and inner values should he have?” or “Hi! Do you see that girl over there? I like her, and I want to get to know her. What do you think I should tell her?” You can also make up your own lines.
4. Depending on how the conversation goes, either carry on or leave. Remember, your goal is not to bed her tonight, but don’t stop if that’s about to happen. After executing the opener into the
conversation, you’ll understand how easy it is to talk to strangers, and you’ll realize you just took the first steps toward overcoming your “biggest” fear. How does it feel?
5. Don’t stop after talking to a girl or two. Carry on, and talk to as many girls as possible.
Eight or 10 are OK; 20 are even better. You don’t have to run around trying your opening out on every girl and yelling “one!” “two!” “three!” Just approach as many of them as you want, remembering that your goal is to get used to the feel of the whole thing. The more you do it, the easier it will seem, and you will eventually realize how normal it is to talk to women.
6. When you go home, congratulate yourself. You took your first steps in the land of pickup. It was a small step for mankind, but a giant leap for you. Repeat this for a few nights until you feel comfortable in your own skin talking to girls. But, when you get into the game and start to enjoy it, don’t forget that the preceding exercise was only for “de-shying” yourself; for showing you how easy it is to talk to a girl.
It’s not the way to proceed from now on. Your next step is to find the girls that you really like and approach only them. Up to this point, it would only have given you an excuse not to approach a woman.
But, from now on, it will help you focus on the more important aspect, the pickup itself.
OK! Stop reading! Continue reading on Sunday morning, after returning from the club, don’t move to the next page! – good luck this Saturday! – Go Get Them Tiger!