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In addition to the above discussion on mutual support as a coping strategy for meeting their challenges, there is a conversation to be had around the integration of their

traditional parenting practices and Australian parenting practices. Creating equilibrium between old South Sudanese and new Australian parenting practices may strengthen effective integration. In this study, some parents spoke of bringing these practices and cultures together to deepen their integration, but also of needing support to preserve aspects of their original culture (Berry, 1997). Participants maintain that parenting training or workshops about the relevant policies or laws of their new country would improve the integration process. Some participants emphasised the significance of integrating both old and new cultures to increase understanding and their adaptation to their new environment, and to minimise clashes with their traditional practices.

As family and community, we need to adapt and learn our new society’s laws, although it will take time to get there. We need to accept the laws of the new country by scrapping some bad traditional practices; otherwise, if we keep imposing our ways, then they will clash with the new one. We need to take from

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the new culture for our better integration. If we do not adapt, then our children are running away from us and they end up on the streets.… Many Australian children are not, so why our children? We need to teach them both cultural values (South Sudanese and Australian) (Participant 6 - female).

These suggestions show how South Sudanese parents are making an effort to integrate and adapt to their new environment, but they require support. The speaker highlighted again the lack of support and unfamiliarity with their new system, which is seen to be one of the main barriers to integration. Although some find it hard to reconcile the differences between their old and new cultures, most understood that they have little choice but to find appropriate tools for integrating both cultures and parenting practices. In a positive parenting program conducted in New Zealand in 2006-2010, parents were encouraged at workshops or training sessions to balance their traditional parenting with an understanding of various parenting practices/styles within the New Zealand context (Deng and Pienaar, 2011). The program was successful since it was not intended to replace traditional parenting practices but to integrate both new and old styles as a pathway for enhancing the parental skills required to fulfil the primary role of parenting in an unfamiliar environment. Some participants also suggested parents and other community members need to work together through sharing their parenting challenges and making use of both internal and external support for community members. For parents to succeed in disciplining their children, they need positive parenting and communication skills, especially knowledge of non-physical disciplining practices (Deng and Pienaar, 2011).

It is hard to reconcile because several changes are imposed on us by the authorities… We are talking to our children to hold onto some of our cultural values. They say, ‘When you go to Rome, act like a Roman.’ Parents must work together in disciplining their children, by being consistent. They must also set good examples that their children can follow. For example, if the parents want to go out, they must inform their children about where they are going and expect the same from them. If I am late from work, I always call to let my family know that I am coming home late. Never expect somebody to respect you while you don’t show the same to them (Participant 1 - male).

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Indeed, children copy what their parents do, and the above comments resonate with the point made by Joshi (2015) that in the past adults used to declare that they were allowed to swear or hit but children were not, and now the parents should not swear and shout unless they want their children to copy them. Participants acknowledged that not all parents have the same level of skills, but part of acquiring parenting skills may be through sharing ideas at family and community levels.

The best ways to cope with changes and challenges are to deal with family issues at family and community levels, and not to make it private because it could be my problem today and maybe my neighbour’s tomorrow. Therefore, parents and community have to work together in overcoming family and parenting challenges. People don’t have to judge parents, those who are

struggling with challenges. Instead of labelling certain parents as bad, they need support so that the family can cope with these issues since moving to a new country comes with many challenges, and it takes years to overcome them. The struggle with challenges causes fractures within the family (Participant 2 -

male).

Some parents also spoke of using more lenient approaches rather than the stricter traditional parenting styles, in which children were given strict instructions by parents and adults and were expected to follow them without question. They stressed that being more lenient might help to prevent their children's removal by Child Protection because of alleged abuse or neglect. Some are trying to replace their old physical disciplining practices and instead become closer to their children through engaging with them.

We mix some of our cultural values with Australian because if we use most of our cultural values solely, then our children will run away from us. Therefore, we have to mix them by taking a little from our culture and Australian cultures and use them. We are trying to learn how to talk to our children nicely, not even like parents anymore, but like their friends (Participant 1 - male).

Some parents have well-established parenting strategies as part of integrating and adapting to their new environment.

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Having understood the issues (of parenting), I have set up different strategies based on how the society is since there are cultural clashes. What I have been doing with my family is to identify the needs - identifying my children’s interests and see if those are important for their mentoring and social connection, and if they are, what resources need to be allocated to keep them connected… By providing that, it keeps children close to their parent as they are provided with their needs. That is how I have shifted a bit from my traditional styles to meet the needs or demands of the current situation (Participant 3 - male). As discussed in this and previous chapters, identifying children’s needs and interests makes it easier to be close to them and manage their behaviours. Child discipline as a form of guidance provides opportunities for children to develop an internal locus of control, thereby learning to take responsibility for themselves and their actions, and adopt the values that are acceptable in the family and society (Deng and Pienaar, 2011). Setting house rules often helps in shaping children’s behaviours. Joshi (2015) suggested that when setting house rules, parents should involve their children in defining and writing them down and sticking them on the fridge, while making it clear what will happen if these rules are broken. However, each parent has their unique style of parenting, which can be understood at least in part through the four parenting styles (authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and indulgent), identified by Baumrind (1991) and discussed in Chapter 3. Aspects of these parenting styles are reflected in the South Sudanese parenting practices. Most participants were familiar with and engaged in authoritarian styles. However, since coming to Australia, some parents have been trying to adapt to the authoritative parenting style, while others are becoming permissive because they are unable to apply their traditional disciplinary practices, i.e. physical discipline. The following participant spoke of having a set of house rules for managing her children’s behaviour.

I always sit down with my children and talk to them and teach them things such as not to be violent; if someone wants to fight you (at school), just walk away or tell your teachers… If you see your friends with stuff you don’t have, don’t complain why you don’t have them. I normally put my house rules on the wall, such as: love, laugh, kiss always, say sorry, always share things and listen to your parent. These are my rules for my children…We are trying to adapt but not

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to lose our traditional parenting practices. I am trying to adapt the new

parenting styles while holding on to some of my old traditional parenting styles

(Participant 10 - female).

Having a set of house rules, include praising and rewarding children for good behaviour, is significant in transforming and shaping children’s behaviour. These include stopping children from doing things that are inappropriate and helping them to understand why certain behaviours are unacceptable within the family and society (Deng and Pienaar, 2011). This is an example of Baumrind’s authoritative parenting style as discussed in Chapter 3.

The transformation of children’s behaviour requires parents to make an effort. Research has indicated that children thrive when there are firm boundaries, for instance, saying no firmly to children about undesirable behaviour (Joshi, 2015). To reconcile these new and modern strategies with their traditional parenting practices, some South Sudanese parents are encouraging each other to make friends with people outside their community as a way to gain more support and to learn about the laws of their new country. The following comments reinforce the significance of broader connections, not only within the local ethnic communities but also with the wider community as part of learning and familiarisation with the new environment and system to enhance integration.

To be connected does not mean only within your community, but you also need to have some friends from the wider Australian community because sometimes some might not know how to face the problems in Australian ways… If you go to fellow South Sudanese, they will advise you what they know, but it doesn’t work here, so you also need to have friends from the wider Australian community… especially how to balance between the cultures (Participant 11 - male).

Reconciling old with new parenting practices creates some challenges for many South Sudanese, but as most participants commented, they realise that most of their traditional parenting practices are not applicable in their new environment and they need to find techniques of integrating them with new ones. Parents need support and empowerment to succeed in their integration process.

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