All four mothers reported they felt good about taking their children to their respective music classes and described one or more ways in which their view of themselves as parents was enhanced by attending the class. For example, Elaine and Beth reported decreased feelings of guilt regarding their parenting. Farrah, Beth, and Ursula talked about finding parenting easier, after taking the class, while instructors also reflected on themes of success. Ursula noted a normalizing effect of seeing other parents struggle with parenting too. Before joining the class, Beth and Ursula both were embarrassed about their lack of musical skill. However, they
reported letting that go and experiencing increased confidence in their ability to participate in the class, as the class progressed. Instructors noted similar themes in their interviews.
4.4.1 Decreased guilt. Elaine and Beth talked specifically about a reduction in “guilt” about their parenting. Elaine reported that, prior to taking the class, she had been very “busy with the [two] older kids” and had little individual time with her youngest child. Elaine stated, “You always feel guilty when you don’t have the time when your house is busy.” Elaine indicated feeling less guilty after attending the class and extending the use of musical activities into her home:
It makes me feel good . . . that I’m paying attention to that and trying to be more conscious of interacting with him more . . . because, before the class, we weren’t really doing that as much. [After participating in the class], I feel like I'm a better mother because I've got that focus on him.”
Beth reported feeling “the standard mom-guilt” about her upcoming return to work. She noted that she feels less guilty since taking the class:
I feel good that we’re having fun. And we’re spending that time together. And I can give him more attention when I’m doing other tasks. So if I think about it, that makes me feel good. About the job I’m doing.
4.4.2 Normalization of struggle. Ursula noted that seeing her son “in [a] different situation” helped her to feel “more comfort” in her role as a mother. Also, she talked about the normalizing effect of seeing other parents struggle in managing their children’s behaviours:
We had one kid in our class one time that didn’t want to behave. He wanted to run or do his own thing and [my son] was at a rebellious stage at the same time. They were both kind of doing the same thing. The parents of the other child were kind of frustrated . . . and I said, “’I can relate to that.’ It’s nice to see that yours isn’t the only child that isn’t behaving as you’d hoped.
While she was initially scared to join, Ursula reported she has since realized that “everybody else sounds like I do or doesn’t care [so] it’s ok.” Also, Ursula noted she stopped feeling “embarrassed” about singing in front of the instructors because “they don’t really care” about parents’ singing skills or lack thereof. Similarly, Beth reported that, prior to taking the class, she anticipated that she would feel badly about her lack of musical skill: “I’m not a singer and I figured I might get embarrassed, but actually that ended up ok . . . it’s just for fun, so that’s ok.”
Instructor Sarah noted she sees parents encouraging each other and normalizing each other’s experiences in class. She gave the example of one mother, in particular, who tells other struggling parents, “That’s like my child when we started. But stick with it and it will turn around.” Similarly, instructor Madeline described her own acceptance of parents’ imperfections: “If you don’t get the tune exactly right, who cares.” Madeline described herself as teaching parents to “feel successful” despite any lags in development:
I will tell [parents] right away: if your child doesn’t respond in the way that you think they should, it does not mean [music] is not helping. We can’t always see what’s going on inside our children, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important and powerful, because it is.
4.4.3 Increased focus on success. Ursula reported that, prior to joining the SS class, she was “intimidated” and “scared . . . half to death” of the “Suzuki method” because she saw herself as “not very musical at all,” “not good at any of those extra-curricular [activities],” “very uncoordinated,” and “unrhythmical.” Although she initially expected that she “wouldn’t be able to do what was expected” of her in class, Ursula realized that “I can sing and march around in a circle.” And while she “wasn’t going to do it the second year, if it was really tough,” Ursula
ended up attending two back-to-back SS classes and plans to take a third. Now, she knows “I don’t really have to worry about ‘oh my god, what are they going to throw at me next week?’ It’s a comfort level for me now. I know the routine. I know that I can make it through the little bits that I have to sing for [my son].”
Instructor Sarah described her enjoyment and joy in noticing children’s growth. She described “one parent in particular” who “held [her baby] so rigidly” in the beginning of the class, but “relaxed a lot that year . . . in her body and face.” Sarah talked about how SS teaching strategies help parents and children to focus on small successes. She explained “Suzuki
philosophy” helps both parents and children learn that they “can accomplish any task” by
“break[ing]” it into smaller pieces and complet[ing] them little by little until eventually you have a complete task done.” Sarah described the SS class instructors as using this process to teach parents and children songs by “teaching the words, the melodies, the actions, and more verses, in manageable pieces.”
Madeline noted she tries to foster parents’ focus on success by “ask[ing] them to comment on” their and each other’s children’s improvements. Madeline described teaching parents to notice and value small changes in their children, in order to feel better about the job they are doing as parents, stating, “Things seem small, but, really, they’re huge. We make a point of noticing the small gains. Parents notice that and start to feel good. Those small things are the stepping stones.”
Madeline also indicated parents in the SS class are especially able to “create a sort of culture of noticing each other’s improvements” since they tend to take more classes and get to know each other better. Madeline reported she especially sees parents worrying less about participating in the right way after participating in the SS class:
[Parents in the SS class] are more able to engage in a different way, pay more attention, be really involved in the moment instead of worry about ‘Am I doing it right? I have to pay attention more closely to the teacher.’
In summary, all four mothers reported they felt “good” about taking their children to their respective music classes and, regardless of the type of class in which they participated, all
mothers described one or more ways in which they learned to feel better about themselves as parents. Similarly, both instructors reported they have observed parents’ self-efficacy to improve as a result of participation in either music class. Some parents felt less guilty about their
parenting, while other parents and instructors talked about a normalizing of their parenting experiences. One parent and both instructors discussed parents’ increased focus on success as classes progress.