¾ Say a prayer before the lesson.
The Sexual Revolution began in earnest in the 1960s and has been associated with an extreme increase in sexual promiscuity. (A promiscuous person is one who engages in sexual intercourse or other intimate sexual acts with many people.) Research clearly shows that premarital sex and extramarital sex (sex between two people at least one of whom is married to someone else) are far more common today than before the “revolution.” Many other forms of sexual behavior have also become much more common during this period.
Alternative Sexual Behaviors:
When a husband and wife express their love sexually, they may participate in any behavior that expresses affection and love as long as they do not separate the procreative (making babies) and pleasurable aspects of sexuality. This means that orgasm, or climax, must be achieved through genital/genital contact. As we will discuss later, seeking climax in ways which separate the procreative and pleasurable aspects of sexuality opens the door for less respectful, loving attitudes. An example of this is oral sex, which we will explain shortly, in which the act can bring a person the pleasure of climax but
cannot make one pregnant. For this reason, among others, oral sex to climax is immoral and sinful.
Each spouse should approach their sexual relationship open to the desires of the partner. While no should one should engage in sexual acts that are degrading or that make either spouse uncomfortable, there should be a basic willingness to experiment and be creative with each other.
Selected quotes from John Paul II’s book Love and Responsibility (1960):
Page 271. It is the very nature of the act that the man plays the active role and takes the initiative, while the woman is a comparatively passive partner, whose function it is to accept and to experience.
Page 272. The man must take this difference between male and female reactions into account, not for hedonistic (to please oneself), but for altruistic (to please the other) reasons. There exists a rhythm dictated by nature itself which both spouses must discover so that climax may be reached both by the man and by the woman, and as far as possible occur in both simultaneously.
Page 273. It must be taken into account that it is naturally difficult for the woman to adapt herself to the man in the sexual relationship, that there is a natural unevenness of physical and psychological rhythms, so that there is a need for harmonization, which is impossible without good will, especially on the part of the man, who must carefully observe the reactions of the woman.
Page 275. Precisely because a slower and more gradual rise in the curve of sexual arousal is characteristic of the female orgasm the need for tenderness during physical intercourse, and also before it begins and after its conclusion, is explicable in purely biological terms. If we take into account the shorter and more violent curve of arousal in the man, an act of tenderness on his part in the context of marital intercourse acquires the significance of an act of virtue . . .
The Variety of Sexual Behavior 45
The most common sexual behaviors besides genital/genital contact are:
• “Petting” or intimate caressing
This is sexual touching that occurs before the couple’s genitals touch. Married couples may, in privacy, touch each other in any way that they both agree to. Intimate touching before marriage, however, is not only against God’s law, but against common sense. Chastity teacher Molly Kelly says this is like getting into a car and revving the engine for a short time and then getting out of the car without going anywhere.
Such touching is an obvious lead up to sexual intercourse and has no place among those not situated to express with their bodies “until death do us part.”
• Self-stimulation/masturbation: rubbing one’s own genitals with one’s hand
When this is done to the point of orgasm, or climax, it may be a mortal sin. Mental problems, like anxiety or being compulsive, may reduce the person’s responsibility (reduce the free consent of the person’s will) and thus make it a less serious sin. Any intentional rubbing of your own genitals with the intention of sexual arousal is a sin, even if not to climax, whether you are married or not. It always draws one away from Christ.
• Manual manipulation: rubbing another’s genitals with one’s hands
This is sinful if it is done with anyone but one’s spouse. It is sinful if done with one’s spouse if it is done to orgasm.
• Oral sex: touching one’s mouth to another’s genitals
This is a serious sin for the unmarried. The act seems to be much more common now than in the past, especially among the unmarried. Even among married couples this act is a sin if it causes climax.
Even though oral sex may not lead directly to climax, there are other reasons to consider any involvement in it sinful. Oral sex may conflict with the marital vow to “love and honor.”
Many people consider the positions involved with the act
degrading and dishonorable. Also, oral sex makes sexual climax particularly easy and because of this encourages an unhealthy, detached view of sex with an excessive focus on the genitals. Oral-genital relations are more in tune with the male sexual fantasy to “come on already and get it over with,”
or “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am,” and in that sense conflict with the typical female desire for a more prolonged intimate activity that is not so exclusively focused on the genitals.
Engaging in oral sex may, therefore, create an unhealthy imbalance in a married couple’s sexual relationship.
• Anal sex: a man inserting his penis into another person’s anus Although this is commonly referred to as the “homosexual act,” it is also engaged in by some heterosexuals. Most people find anal sex repulsive and against the dignity of the human person. We will discuss more about this later.
How often do married people have sex?
Typical married couples have sex every week or two, but there is wide range: some much more, others much less. If a younger, healthy couple decides to not have sex this usually indicates a serious problem in the relationship and the need for counseling or spiritual direction. Some elderly couples are not sexually active due to lack of interest or physical limitations, but many have regular sexual relations.
Sad Truths:
In some marriages the wife never climaxes, despite her desire to do so, because the husband focuses solely on getting himself to climax. Also, some married women feel used by their husbands because their husbands only interact with them physically when the husband is interested in sexual intimacy to climax. In other words, the husbands don’t hug or kiss their wives unless the husband is planning on “going all the way.” Married men tend to be more focused on genital sexual stimulation and married women tend to be more focused on non-genital sexual interactions, such as holding hands or being caressed. It is important for both to consider the attitudes each may bring into the relationship. As Pope John Paul pointed out above,
The Variety of Sexual Behavior 47
each should ensure that the other is a willing participant in any sexual contact and that the sexual desires of both are addressed.
Nocturnal Emissions or “wet dreams”:
This is climaxing while asleep during a dream. It is a natural, normal event often associated with sexually stressful dreams or other stressful dreams. It is not associated with any diseases, nor is it sinful.