While I already noted how some participants felt unable to engage with some of the methods (e.g. arts-based methods), others seemingly experienced the entire process as uncomfortable. Nicola, for example, a young woman aged 16 from a white working- class background, was quiet in the group discussion, and appeared to be disinterested in the subsequent stages of the research. For Nicola, the research did not seem to emphasise pleasure, but instead produced a sense of discomfort. In general, Nicola tended to answer my questions in short answers, and sometimes simply replied “don’t know”. In addition, her flat tone of voice and her body language (e.g. diverted gaze) seemed to suggest that she was disengaged. After the first individual interview (phase two) I arranged to meet Nicola again in order to discuss with her how she could be involved in the next phase of the research. Since she did not appear comfortable with the intimacy of a one-on-one interview, one idea I had was that she could show me around her school. However, Nicola did not attend this meeting, despite being reminded by her teacher on the day. Perhaps, given that she was told by her teacher to meet me, she felt pressurised, and seemingly the methods I had used so far had not been able to enthuse her. As I noted earlier in this chapter, although at every stage of the research I emphasised that participation was voluntary, it was a common occurrence for participants to be encouraged by teachers to take part. Nicola
31 As I will argue later in this chapter, and as my empirical chapters will illustrate, my research
questions and the format of the thesis did, however, force me to treat data not only as a productive expression, but to also treat it interpretively.
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appeared to feel negative about school in general, and told me that she was worried about “failing [her] exams”. Although Nicola did not say so herself, perhaps she considered the research as additional and unwelcome work. Perhaps, as is common in schools, she, once again, felt limited in her agency - and under surveillance - by people who had authority over her.
Nicola’s example illustrates how my research methodology did not work for everyone. Indeed, many participants told me that they did not want to participate in any part of the research, often because they felt that they were too busy with school work. While some may of course not have wanted to take part for other reasons, for some of these young people the pressure of school meant that anything other than school work was out of the question (Paechter 2002).
3.4 “Why are you here?” – A reflexive exploration of the role of the
researcher
Feminist researchers have long acknowledged the significant role of the researcher in encounters with participants (Letherby 2003). My engagement with the concept of ‘research-assemblage’ presented an opportunity to map the ways that I myself affected the research process. As I noted previously in this chapter, within the research-assemblage, the researcher herself is one constituent within a network of relations. When observing this, I noted that I had to recognise the ways in which my own body had been territorialised. My background, my expectations of the research, and the questions I asked within the research context may all be viewed as part of the assemblage within which my data emerged. Of course, I did not embark on my project in a neutral manner. I had specific aims (see chapter one). I came from a background of positivist psychology and had a (limited) background in counselling. My position as a white middle-class woman around the age of 30 produced significant potential for power imbalances, especially given the authoritarian school context (see Paechter 2002; Holland et al. 2010).
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interviews affected the data that was produced. I have already shared the example in which Mark’s narratives of his use of condoms emerged differently in individual interviews and the group interview. Another participant, Rosie, a young woman aged 16, acknowledged in her follow-up interview that she had consciously made an effort to appear like an “emotional” person, especially in her relationship with her boyfriend Rich:
JA: So, when we were talking about sexuality, there was quite a lot of, um, you were talking quite a lot about you only care about the feelings or something?
Rosie: Yeah.
JA: Um do you think, would you be worried if I was to think ‘oh she cares about the physical side of it’? Would that worry you, if I were to think that, do you think?
Rosie: Probably, yeah.
JA: So, do you think that I might think ‘oh, that that’s weird or wrong’? Rosie: Yeah.
JA: So would you say that you were to some degree concerned about wanting to appear like that as well?
Rosie: Probably, yeah. When you think about it, when you say that, it does.
JA: I’m only asking, I’m not saying it’s like that. Rosie: Yeah.
JA: It was a thought that crossed my mind. Rosie: Yeah
JA: And, rather than going away and thinking about it, I thought I’d ask you.
Rosie: Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah thinking of it, yeah you’re completely right, yeah.
JA: So what do you think I would think if you were to sort of say ‘oh, I really enjoy the physical part’, what do you think I would potentially think of you?
Rosie: I dunno, I’m not a very emotional person, but like I’m just, I don’t know, I don’t love Rich…
JA: [laughs] mm
Rosie: …and just in it for the physical part of it, like, not emotionally attached to him at all, just, just don’t care. Just not very emotional, just completely dead! [laughs]
JA: Yeah, um, obviously, I’m sure you don’t think that I would actually think that you were dead!
[Both laugh] Rosie: Yeah, no.
JA: But there was a sort of concern that you wanted to come across as emotional and caring, sort of?
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Rosie: Yeah, because I believe that I am emotional and caring and I don’t want you to think that I am dead inside! Obviously.
JA: [laughs] Obviously I don’t!
Rosie: You don’t think that like, but I just wanted to get across to you, like, how I do actually feel, like, I wouldn’t want you to go away and think like, have concerns, like, questions in your head about what I’ve been saying, that’s why I just wanted just to be like
completely honest and straight with you, like, I don’t want you to
get the wrong impression.
JA: So you’re kind of emphasising certain parts of you that you wanted to convey in a way?
Rosie: Yeah, emphasising certain things so you know that I’m not like that, I am emotional.
In this data extract, Rosie talks about how she made an effort in her interviews to “emphasis[e]” that she is “emotional” in her relationship with Rich, and that she wanted to prevent me from thinking that she is “just in it for the physical part” and “dead inside”. Rosie’s efforts to “get across” a specific image of herself - how she “actually feels” – is in line with psychosocial writings which have argued that participants’ narratives often emerge through a desire to be perceived as a successful (sexual) subject (Hollway and Jefferson 2000). However, like in the example of Mark’s condom use, using assemblage theory, I was able to think of Rosie’s sexual subjectivity as emerging differently in different assemblages.
Rosie’s statement that she did not want me to think that she is “dead inside” was particularly interesting to me. She appeared to associate a lack of emotion with death, and conversely emotion with life. It is through appearing “emotional”, she seemingly felt, that her existence as a subject was granted. This significance of being an “emotional” sexual subject is of course also recognisable in dominant discourses relating to women’s sexualities (Allen 2003; McClelland and Fine 2008; 2014). Through an interplay between me as an older woman in a potential position of authority, discourses which produce it as desirable for women to take on a “caring” role, and discourses which shame young women who “are in it for the physical side”, a desire seemingly emerged that produced Rosie as coming across like a “caring” person who “love[s]” her boyfriend Rich. This desire appeared to also manifest in the object which Rosie brought in to the interview, which was a present from her
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boyfriend Rich. Both Rosie’s words and her ‘pleasure object’ produced her as “emotional”. Rosie’s example illustrates how what the research was capable of doing – its potential impact on participants, but also the data it produced – was intrinsically entangled not only with the specific methods participants engaged with, but also with participants’ relationships with me.