Fuerzas económicas y financieras (E)

After all the lies and inconsistencies prior to the discovery of the body, my 1st question when I read the note was, “Did Kurt write this?”

It took some time to be sure, but I eventually determined he did. I believe he wrote the entire letter, with the exception of the line at the end which reads, “which will be so much happier without me.”

Upon close examination, the thickness of the line print in these words, appears to be thinner than the line print in the rest of the note. This may indicate a different writing instrument, less pen pressure, or a different “writer” altogether.

Several handwriting experts have examined this letter. Their opinions differ in regards to the handwriting at the bottom of this note, but most have concluded these lines were written “by another hand.”

I made the copy on the following page with the use of Courtney Love’s fax machine. The dark lines were caused by folds in the fax paper. Courtney’s fax machine also cut off the edges of the note.

The original letter was written on a legal size piece of paper. The marking in the upper right-hand corner of the note is a police marking, and the signature at the bottom is by the police captain who received it.

COULD THIS HAVE BEEN A “SUICIDE” NOTE?

I wasn’t sure at first. But as I studied my investigation notes, reviewed the case and continued gathering information over the next several months while working with Courtney, I concluded with complete confidence, this was not a “suicide” note. This was a note to Kurt’s fans explaining his decision to quit the music business, to stop touring and to stop performing.

Read the contents carefully. Here was a guy who cared about his fans. Here was a guy with compassion. He had a drug habit, he had some flaws, but he seemed to care about others more than he cared about himself.

Is this a letter from a self-centered father with no concern for his daughter? Does this sound like someone who didn’t care about the images he’d be leaving his little girl--images of violence and physical destruction that Frances would be forced to visualize the rest of her life whenever she thought about her dad?

Are these observations alone proof that Kurt Cobain did not commit suicide? No. These are just some things to think about as you try to understand what was on Kurt’s mind when he wrote this letter.

MY COPY

The original note was written was on legal size paper. It was reduced to fit this page. Some of the letters on each side did not get copied. The dark lines were created when the paper wrinkled inside Courtney’s fax machine. The letters and numbers in the upper right corner are markings made by the police. The signature in the lower right corner, “CAPT_ _ _ _,”was added by a Seattle Police Captain.

TRANSCRIPT:

To Boddah pronounced

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years. Since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury who seemed to love. (?)relish in the love and adoration from the crowd. Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is I can’t fool you. Any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100 % fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it, (and I do. God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough. I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last three tours I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, pisces, Jesus man! Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know. I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be. Full of love and joy kissing every person she meets because everyone is good, and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become. I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along, and have empathy. Empathy! Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore and so remember, its better to burn out than to fade away.

peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your alter.