ANEXOS
II. DATOS GENERALES Facultad:
SO, BUDDIE, BEWARE.
(Dance Break)
ERMA SAILORS
BUDDIE, BEWARE WAH, DA, DA, DA, DA
BUDDIE, BETTER TAKE CARE WAH! WAH, DA, DA, DA, DA SINCE THE DAY I WAS WEANED WAH!
I'M A CAVIAR FIEND SO, BUDDIE, BEWARE.
ERMA SAILORS
I FEEL I SHOULD PUT YOU RIGHT OOH, OOH
AS I LIE IN BED AT NIGHT OOH, OOH
WHILE THE TWINKLING STARS GLEAM ON OOH!
WITH MY COLD CREAM ON I'M A LOVELY SIGHT.
AND ANOTHER THING TOO
WHEN I'M MARRIED TO YOU, MY SWEET IF TO COME HOME YOU FAIL
I'LL OPEN ALL YOUR MAIL SO, BUDDIE, BEWARE
(SAILORS exit. Wedding music. The CAPTAIN leads on the wedding procession—HOPE, EVELYN, MRS.
HARCOURT, WHITNEY, PASSENGERS and SAILORS. HE opens a little book. Music out)
CAPTAIN
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together over the bodies of—
(HE stops, flips pages)
We are assembled here to join together in the bonds of Holy Matrimony this young—
(BILLY and MOON rush on, dressed in the caps and pajamas of the TWO CHINESE)
BILLY Stop! Stop!
MOON Stop! Stop! Stop!
CAPTAIN Good Lord, what's this?
BILLY
We come long way, travel far to have big talk with English gentleman. We arrive in nick of time.
EVELYN
I'm afraid if you've come in reference to my Hong Kong interests you've chosen a bad moment. I'm about to be married.
BILLY No, no. No can marry.
MOON No can marry, no can marry!
MRS. HARCOURT Why no can marry? I mean, why can't he be married?
BILLY
Listen, I explain. I have honor to introduce Wu Chang Moon, father of little Plum Blossom.
MRS. HARCOURT And who is little Plum Blossom?
Yes, who is little Plum Blossom?
BILLY This is little Plum Blossom.
(RENO enters, dressed a la Chinoise) MOON
Little Chinese Princess, until Lord Evelyn turn her into little Chinese tramp.
MRS. HARCOURT I'm not sure I follow this.
MOON
Lord Evelyn take Plum Blossom to rice paddy and bring back Plum tart.
MRS. HARCOURT Dear me, is this really true?
EVELYN
I'm afraid so. East is East and all that but I'm forced to admit that for one brief moment our twains did meet.
BILLY
And how! Pretty soon along come little Plum Pudding … (HE makes motion of cradling a baby)
MRS. HARCOURT Evelyn, is this woman really Plum Blossom?
EVELYN I can't really say, it all happened so long ago …
RENO (Warbling "Gypsy in Me")
"Long, long ago/So long ago..."
EVELYN
Good Lord! … Er, apologies to one and all, but under the circumstances, I don't see how I can possibly marry Miss Harcourt.
WHITNEY Don't be ridiculous. All these people want is money—
(Pulling a billfold out of his breast pocket) Look you two, I'll give you a thousand dollars to clear out.
MOON We'll take it.
BILLY Do not insult us with offer of filthy money!
WHITNEY I'll make it two thousand.
BILLY Rich man cannot buy Chinese honor!
WHITNEY I'll make it five thousand.
MOON Chinese honor sold!
HOPE
No, Mr. Whitney, don't pay him. No amount of money can undo this great wrong. You, sir … You are related to little Plum Blossom?
BILLY Like O’Neill drama to Whistler’s Mama.
HOPE
Then the only way to pay this debt of honor, Evelyn, is for you to offer him … me!
EVELYN I say, what a marvelous idea!
MRS. HARCOURT Hope! No!
BILLY Offer accepted! Chinese honor saved!
MOON What about the five grand?
(To BILLY)
Congratulations, old boy, you're getting quite a girl.
BILLY
Why not English gentleman join club and right wrong done poor Plum Blossom?
EVELYN
Right wrong done poor … ooh, I say … confound it, why not? See, here, Plum Blossom, will you marry me?
RENO Sweetie, I thought you'd never ask!
(MRS. HARCOURT starts to cry) HOPE Why, mother, what's the matter?
MRS. HARCOURT
What's the matter?! We're poor again! I shall have to spend the rest of my life living in hotels—
WHITNEY
Like hell you will! Marry me, Evangeline—say yes—and spend the rest of your life in the lap of luxury. Why after that Amalgamated deal, I'm so damn rich I can buy this tub and turn it into a private yacht for you!
MRS. HARCOURT Eli, my savior! My knight in shining armor!
BILLY
(Removing his cap and dropping his accent) Uh, Mr. Whitney—
WHITNEY (Squinting at him)
Crocker!
BILLY Yes, sir.
WHITNEY You never told me you were Chinese!
BILLY
I'm not, sir. And I have another confession to make. I never made it to the Stock Exchange. I stowed away aboard this ship. I never sold those Amalgamated shares.
WHITNEY
You never … but that means I'm ruined, ruined … arghhh!
BILLY Sorry, boss.
WHITNEY
Well … at least I have someone to comfort me in my misfortune.
(All eyes turn to MRS. HARCOURT) MRS. HARCOURT We-ell …
(The PURSER rushes on, waving a telegram) PURSER
Mr. Whitney, Mr. Whitney! Urgent cable from New York! Amalgamated just went through the roof! You're a zillionaire!
MRS. HARCOURT Eli!
(SHE claps him in an iron embrace) BILLY How do you do it, boss?
WHITNEY How? Brains, guts, and the world's finest education!
BULL DOG, BULL DOG BOW WOW WOW ELI YALE!
PURSER Speaking of dogs—does this belong to anybody?
(A SAILOR has entered carrying CHEEKY) MRS. HARCOURT Cheeky! Where have you been?
We found him in the swimming pool.
MRS. HARCOURT What was he doing in the swimming pool?
THE COMPANY (In unison)
The dog paddle!
BILLY
All right, Captain, let's get on with it. You've got some weddings to perform here.
RENO
Come on, Cap! I've been waiting all my life to be a Lady.
EVELYN Yeah—step in it!
BILLY & HOPE WE SETTLE DOWN AS MAN AND WIFE
TO SOLVE THE RIDDLE CALLED MARRIED LIFE.
BILLY IT’S DELIGHTFUL
HOPE IT’S DELICIOUS
BOTH IT’S DELOVELY.
MRS. HARCOURT IT FEELS SO FINE TO BE A BRIDE
AND HOW’S THE GROOM?
WHITNEY WHY HE’S SLIGHTLY FRIED
IT’S DELIGHTFUL
MRS. HARCOURT IT’S DELICIOUS
BOTH IT’S DELOVELY
TO THE POP OF CHAMPAGNE
OFF WE HOP IN OUR PLUSH LITTLE PLANE RENO
‘TIL A BRIGHT LIGHT THROUGH THE DARKNESS COZILY CALLS.
“NIAG’RA FALLS”.
BOTH
ALL’S WELL, MY LOVE, OUR DAY’S COMPLETE AND WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BRIDAL SUITE!
HOPE AND BILLY IT’S DELIGHTFUL,
RENO & EVELYN IT’S DELICIOUS,
WHITNEY AND MRS. HARCOURT IT’S DELECTABLE,
ERMA IT’S DELIRIOUS,
RENO, EVELYN, HOPE, BILLY, WHITNEY & MRS. HARCOURT IT’S DILEMMA,
IT’S DE LIMIT IT’S DELUXE, IT’S DELOVELY!
MOON ALL’S AS RIGHT AS CAN BE
‘TIL ONE NIGHT AT YOUR WINDOW YOU SEE
AN ABSURD BIRD WITH A BUNDLE HUNG ON HIS NOSE.
“GET BABY CLO’ES!”
ALL ANYTHING GOES
AND THOUGH I’M NOT A GREAT ROMANCER,
I KNOW THAT YOU’RE BOUND TO ANSWER WHEN I PROPOSE, ANYTHING GOES!
ANYTHING, ANYTHING, ANYTHING GOES! GOES!
CURTAIN