Growing up, Ezekiel underwent a very independent and isolated childhood–– to the point that he experienced food insecurity. Due to his parent’s jobs and his older siblings’ involvement with drugs, Ezekiel took care of himself. In fact, Ezekiel referred to his mom as his “financial supporter” instead of his mom “because there were no motherly moments.” Consequently, he became really dedicated, driven, and motivated by school. Early in his academic career, Ezekiel understood that being able to surpass adversity and be educationally successful required him being able to ask for help,
I was never scared to reach out. So, like in elementary school I became super close with some of the adults [teachers and staff]…I looked for those adults that… had an influence on me and that were close to me, that knew exactly how I was, like my third grade teacher. She was the teacher that really got me into loving education. She’s the one that really got me into like books. She went to the library with me and would show me other books that I could read and stuff
By asking for help, Ezekiel was able to develop relationships with people that became invested in his academic success. For example, it was through Ms. Gale that Ezekiel ended up loving education. In his home, Ezekiel did not have anyone that he could go to for help with school. Not only did his parents not show interest in supporting Ezekiel’s educational endeavors but neither of them graduated from high school.
Once in high school, Ezekiel continued to develop relationships with people at school. His next mentor was his drama teacher, “She was the one that told me freshmen year when I first displayed any type of problems – she was like, ‘you need to go to college because college is going to be the best thing that happens to you.’” Although Ezekiel was a high school freshmen, it was then that he started to think of college as a possibility, even if it was something that appeared far away. Beyond playing a significant role in his academics, she was also nurturing, caring, and motherly. Ezekiel shared, “that was the thing I didn’t have. I always tried to find the mother in all of my mentors. And I think that’s why I always ran towards the women in my life.” Since his mother was absent throughout a majority of his life and his father was around even less, Ezekiel never had a motherly figure–– someone who showed him love and care. Ezekiel described people like his drama teacher as the reason why he stayed motivated and continued with his education.
The importance of mentors continued on to college for Ezekiel. It was then that he met three Latina women whom he referred to as “Ezekiel’s holy trinity.” His holy trinity consisted of women that helped Ezekiel with different aspects of his life, including his academics. With Dr. Mora, Ezekiel was able to relate to at a cultural level, as she understood some of the struggles that he has faced at different points in his life. She also helped Ezekiel come into terms with his Latino identity, which is something that he struggled with prior to starting college. Dr. Ortiz assisted Ezekiel with his life on campus. She connected him with people across the university and motivated Ezekiel when he did not get things that he applied for. She provided him with a level of comfort that he did not get in many other places. Dr. Stone helped Ezekiel get connected with the field of student affairs, an area that he was considering for graduate school. She connected Ezeiel with people across universities and also got him involved with the National
Association of Student Personnel Administrators. In addition, all three women reminded Ezekiel of self care and made him aware that things like crying do not make him a weaker person. In the end, Ezekiel stated that what they all have in common is that they all get to know the real him. Ezekiel also shared that he did not seek out help from men on campus because he felt that masculinity got in the way of things. During his three years of college, Ezekiel had not encountered many men that talked about their emotions or that were empathetic, for example. Consequently, Ezekiel gravitated towards women.
Comparable to Ezekiel, Baltazar also made notable mention of influential women in his life. Baltazar listed women as a protective factor that helped him in different ways. For example, according to Baltazar, women played much more important roles than men in terms of him loving himself, understanding himself, and simply being their as a network of support. Baltazar had a difficult time coming out because he did not know any gay people. The gay people that he knew about were all in high school and Baltazar witnessed them suffering in a variety of ways–– from being called “fucking faggots” to getting milk thrown at them and ketchup sprayed on them by male peers. Thus, Baltazar knew that he was not going to come out. That’s precisely when women stepped in to demonstrate their love and care. Women in his life told him things like, “Baltazar, you're worthy of love. I'm going to love you regardless,” referring to his sexuality.
Baltazar moved on to share that he learned all the beautiful things in life through women. They have been the people to show him how to overcome adversity. Baltazar stated,
Being a woman is to be resilient… I think that’s synonymous with it. Because women continually go through shit, especially women of color. And I definitely had a lot of really strong women in my life – of blood and chosen family.
Such women showed Baltazar how to love, showed him care, and showed him what mourning and healing looks like. Additionally, they demonstrated what letting go of unnecessary things looks like and how to do it in healthy ways, “it’s definitely women who put me on that path of self-love. A trillion percent.” Since Baltazar encountered machista men in his life who liked to assert dominance over others, he knew that that was not the kind of guy he wanted to be. Since women demonstrated more loving and nurturing roles, Baltazar not only came to greatly admire women but also developed strong relationship with them.