The importance within youth work of building relationships that start with young people’s interests is essential advice given by many writers (e.g. Spence, 2007; Davies, 2015). However, the complex nature of how this is done is not discussed in detail as Spence (2007) states and as noted above (Ch.8/Introduction). This section (8.2) considers the aspects of their personal lives that respondents felt important to share with young people, apart from information about their LGBQ sexuality. This discussion commences with how respondents talked with young people about their
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own age. It then moves to focus on the sharing of style and dress: which was done through actions more often than through discussions with young people. The final focus is on the sharing of information about hobbies, interests and political views. These aspects all seemed to be useful tools for youth workers to challenge young people’s acceptance of society’s norms (Davies, 1986 & 2006; Spence, 2010; Batsleer, 2012; Cullen, 2013b; Taylor, 2016; Batsleer, 2018) as well as wider political issues (Cullen, 2013b; Sapin, 2013; Cooper, 2018).
One of the older and one of the younger respondents talked about using their age in conversations with young people. Gaby (in her early 20s) reported that as she was by far the youngest member of staff at the PRU thus bringing ‘a bit of youth’ into the staff team which enabled her to share common interests in music or local social venues. For Liz the fact that she was older than many young people expected was useful in her youth work relationships: some young people called her ‘mum’. Young people seeing youth workers as a second mum is a point discussed in the literature (Sercombe, 2010a). Sercombe goes on to point out that it never seems to be suggested that a second father would be an appropriate relationship with a male youth worker.
Five respondents, often those who were younger, talked about the fact that their own style of dress and music might be familiar to, and comfortable for, young people. Beth suggested that her ‘style of hair, clothes … attitudes … are very relatable to young people … [and that her dressing]
like a scraggy student’ was often a conversation starter with young people. Fern noted that when
she was more ‘gothy’ some young people would relate to her taste in music and clothes but she was also aware that other young people may have been alienated by this Goth image. She reported that she was careful not to wear t-shirts with bands’ names on them, as she felt this was more likely to alienate young people than to be a topic for conversation. Both Liz and Issie, two of the femme respondents, talked about choosing to sometimes ‘glam up for celebration events’ (Issie). This was something that they both noted their colleagues did not usually do. Both Liz and Issie also mentioned the fact that their long hair was often a ‘useful conversation starter’ (Liz). Ellie noted that her lack of ‘mainstream style ... [and] cycling clothes’ might be less comfortable for young people but could enable her to challenge mainstream consumer culture. These comments seem to fit with Murphy and Ord‘s ‘free and open layer’ (See figure 1: Ch.2.) where ‘aspects of our personal style, [and] character traits’ (Murphy and Ord, 2013, p333) are important as youth workers’ style and dress often reflects the ‘language codes of the young people’ (Sercombe, 2010b, p77). This level of sharing is often done unconsciously or ‘with little need for
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concern … through everyday interactions’: an important starting point for engaging young people (Murphy and Ord, 2013, p336).
Twelve of the fifteen respondents spoke about the importance of letting young people know about their hobbies (as suggested in the literature: Foreman, 1990; Spence, 2007; Sercombe, 201b; Murphy & Ord, 2013; Sapin, 2013). When sharing interest in hobbies with young people it is important to leave space for the young people to be seen as the expert (see Murphy and Ord, 2013). Amy, Gaby and Ellie shared their interest in art; Beth: her commitment to a healthy lifestyle through her healthy eating and cycling. Carla suggested that sharing her sports and outdoor interests could ‘be really powerful’ for young people. A number of respondents mentioned their interests in sports or other things that might be seen as challenging the feminine stereotype. Gaby and Jane mentioned being open about their interests and skills in football; Nell talked about being a ‘female canoeist ... [and enjoying] tinkering with her van’. The literature suggests that this can be seen as the ‘selective’ sphere (Murphy and Ord, 2013, p336) of self disclosure: the sharing of information which may not be contentious. Respondents suggested that these interests were often used as an opening into conversations about the limitations put on women due to heteronormative stereotypes. Talking about interests and hobbies was seen as part of being a positive role model (as discussed above:7.3.2) and this seemed to be accepted by respondents. However some respondents were very clear that they would not talk about negative aspects of their lives for example their use of alcohol or nicotine, or challenging relationships with people that were still unresolved. This again reflects the point made in the literature that care must be taken to ensure that sharing is only about issues where ‘internal work’ has been done (Crosby, 2001, p55 cited in Murphy & Ord, 2013, p339) and workers are sure that disclosure is for the benefit of the young person, not the worker (Crosby, 2001; Lum, 2002; Murphy & Ord, 2013). Nearly all respondents noted the importance of being clear with young people regarding their own political views. Fern, along with the eight other respondents who named themselves as feminists (as discussed in 6.2.2c), was ‘clear about ... [her] feminist approach’, despite feminism being seen as ‘a dirty word with young people’ as Liz suggested. Beth noted that young people knew about her passion for ‘equality issues and politics’. Issie noted that she talked about her views on politics, feminism and inequality with young people but did not talk about her ‘family’s
links to terrorism’ in Northern Ireland. Issie felt that such conversations might have been
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that she would keep her party politics to herself, however no one else commented on being discrete about their party politics.
These youth workers set out to share different aspects of their lives despite the fact that their relationships with young people had to be professional. Personal disclosures were seen as a tool for transforming their relationships with young people. This, according to the literature, allowed ‘space within which options, alternatives and different ways to be’ (Sercombe 2010b, p82) could be developed with young people through verbal and non-verbal communication.The discussion within this section, focussing on the information youth workers shared about their lives, again emphasises the personal approach that is needed by youth workers as ethical statements of the IYW (2013) and NYA (2001) provide little guidance for workers, as noted by Sercombe (2010a) and as discussed above (7.2.1).