HIETOGRAMAS

From time to time a person may want to target his or her Critical Parent. The exercise takes place in a group, as it requires several participants in addition to a group leader.Sean has expressed the wish to finally do something radical about the way his Critical Parent has undermined him over many years; a fact that has become gradually evident in his six months of group treatment.

The exercise consists of three parts:

✦ The setup

✦ The exorcism

✦ The wrap-up

The set up

Sean is asked to recall as many of his Critical Parent messages as possible and they are written down on a blackboard. At first he can think of only one: “You are a fraud, people will find out.” As we probe further he comes up with a long list:

“Stupid;” “Can’t think straight;” “Loser;” “You’ll never succeed; never be as good as your brother;” “You don’t have any brains and can’t make it.” When all the statements are written down, Sean and the therapist, with suggestions from the group, boil them down to their essence. Redundant messages are erased and the rest are grouped by categories until a concentrated list of about six is crafted saying, essentially: “You are stupid,” “you are worthless” and “You are a fraud”.

Sean is now asked to pick any person in the group that could take the role of the Persecuting Critical Parent. If that person declines another person is chosen. The therapist should not offer to play that role under any circumstances, as that could hopelessly interfere with his primarily Adult role as a leader of the exercise and potentially contaminate Sean’s perception of him. Next, Sean is asked to pick a person to take the role of a Nurturing Parent. The Critical Parent sits facing Sean at an appropriately aggressive distance and the Nurturing Parent sits or stands silently behind Sean’s shoulder. The blackboard is placed behind Sean in plain view of the Critical Parent, the group and the therapist, who sits to one side and equidistant to Sean and the Critical Parent.

The exorcism

The therapist instructs the Critical Parent to read the messages, close his or her eyes, and mentally organize an all-out verbal attack based on the messages on the board. The Critical Parent is urged not hold back, as the exercise depends on a frontal confrontation, no holds barred. When everyone is ready, the Critical Parent opens her eyes and starts the attack as aggressively as possible. The Critical Parent

can shout, or hiss, or talk calmly; the important thing is that there be no holding back.

Sean is at first stunned, as are the members of the group. With the therapist’s encouragement and, when needed, suggested responses, Sean begins to fight back.

At first Sean’s responses are weak and incoherent; others might cry, or be totally silent. Eventually with the support of the therapist and while all others observe silently, Sean begins to focus his defense. The Critical Parent says: “You are stupid, you can’t think straight” Sean answers in a shaky voice “No, I’m not stupid.” The therapist urges him to repeat that in a more convincing way. Sean does and adds “I know that you are the stupid one. Shut the fuck up.” The therapist mutters “Good!”

The Critical Parent shouts: “You’ll never succeed Sean, you’re fraud, a fraud do you hear me?” Sean is silent, the therapist whispers “you’re the fraud” Sean picks it up

“Yeah! You’re the fraud, you pretend to know and know nothing!”

The Critical Parent comes back: “You’ll never succeed and you know it.” Sean: “I have already succeeded, I got a degree, I’ve raised two children and I will get rid of you. That will be my greatest success.” After 10 to 15 minutes of this the Critical Parent will begin to run out of ideas and tactics, at which time the therapist may suggest new insults based on the information on the board. “You don’t have the guts to get rid of me. You are not as good as your brother.” And so on.

The dialogue will go on, and eventually the Critical Parent will literally run out of steam and have nothing to say. This will not be an act, or a compassionate withdrawal, but a genuine loss of energy. This exercise highlights the concept that the Inner Enemy is an actual person that has been introjected and whose only power is aggressive, prejudiced, misinformation which Sean hasn’t known how to confront. With the active support of the therapist and the group, and the quiet physical support of the Nurturing Parent, Sean has acquired a persuasive poise and the arguments to beat back the real, muscular Critical Parent within him. When it seems that Sean has won the argument against the Critical Parent who is now speechless, the therapist calls an end to the exercise.

The wrap-up

The group claps and celebrates Sean’s victory. Sean is invited to “brag” and he accepts the challenge. He stand in the middle of the group and in a strong convincing voice says: “This was great. I realized that I have been feeling stupid all my life when in fact I am anything but stupid, all you have to see is my grades in college. I am important to a lot of people and loved by a few. And I am certainly not a fraud, I am known to be as good as my word. The real fraud is my Critical Parent and from now on I am going to kick his ass!” More cheers and people comment on the process and their response to it. Usually some people will have cried, some may have been frightened and even scandalized by the apparent brutality of the process.

The therapist thanks the Critical Parent volunteer, checks out that she is OK. Sean thanks the Critical Parent for a good job and they are encouraged to hug. People are encouraged to give strokes to Sean, the Critical Parent and Nurturing Parent

volunteers, and the therapist. Sean is encouraged to write down his winning arguments and rehearse them daily while shaving, before going to work.

If anyone in the group is upset or is under “enemy attack,” time should have been planned for processing the person’s emotional response. In the extreme case—never in my experience—that the Critical Parent somehow manages to maintain control, the therapist will have to re-establish optimism and faith in the healing process by pointing out and clarifying the power of this particular Critical Parent and contracting for a future return to the exercise.

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The Critical Parent exercise is a showcase example of the radical psychiatry approach to people’s emotional difficulties. Radical psychiatry theory holds that people regain their alienated powers by way of three coordinated processes: contact, awareness and action. To wit:

Power in the world = Contact + Awareness + Action

Sean’s power and effectiveness were severely impacted by the Critical Parent constant harassment. The Critical Parent also undermined his relationships with others with its constant interference and judgments. Contact in this case is the support of people in the group. Awareness is the detailed documentation of the Critical Parent oppressive influence and, finally, Action is the positive steps Sean takes to fend off the Critical Parent. In addition, all three P’s of transactional analysis are involved as well. Permission to fight the Critical Parent, Protection of Sean by way of group and therapist’s support and Potency in the therapist’s back-up and input. (See www.claudesteiner.com/rp.htm for more information on radical psychiatry.)

I have likened this exercise to an exorcism and in fact there is an obvious similarity with that process. But there is a difference. An exorcism is a passive experience for the possessed. This exercise depends on Sean taking back his power and poise with tools and support provided by the group and therapist. The crucial difference between passive acceptance of help and active participation in self-help is summarized in the well-known dictum: “You can give a hungry person a meal or you can teach him how to fish.”

Chapter 12.