Historia Alimentaria

The Exposure is a weekly publication, but if things keep on as they are we will have to go to press daily to take care editorially of all the misman- agement that exists in our grand and glorious commonwealth.

Now, after gathering all the returns of the New Year’s, I find in hun- dreds of newspapers all over the United States that they devoted years of space to what some of our rich men think of the business prospects of the coming year. It’s the same old thing every year. It’s got so a working man hates to pick up his paper New Year’s morning, for staring him in the face will be:

“Judge Gary, the head of a Steel Trust, says, ‘I am at heart an optimist, and I look to the coming year with great fortitude.1_{I think if everybody}

buckles down and gives 12 hours of labor for 8 hours pay I can see noth- ing ahead that will affect the present prosperity of our grand nation.’”

Then Mr. Mellon is quoted and says, as follows: “I am by nature an optimist.2_{I never want to feel pessimistic. Because of a presidential elec-}

tion there is some uneasiness. But I look forward to one of the best years financially I have ever had.”

Mr. Ford also says as follows: “There was some loose motion in the body of our political life. But after I made an adjustment on the differen- tial of the Koolidge Kampaign, and tightened up the loose parts with my declaration of where I stood, why things are all oiled up, and going smoothly, unless Hiram Hearst Johnston or McAdoo carelessly thrusts a heavy pedestrian in front of the vehicle.3_{But I am at heart an optimist and}

I have great faith in the coming year. Speaking from a personal business angle, you just can’t imagine how many people want those things—pardon me, I mean buy those things.”

Then will come what Charlie Schwab has to say: “I am at heart an op- timist.4_{I think the coming year will be the banner year of 1924.”}

Then will follow a dozen other rich birds, depending on where the paper is printed and who is the richest man they have in their town. Now these same gags you have to read every New Year’s. They don’t even change the wording. Every New Year holds the same thing in store for them. But they are as sure to make the front page every New Year’s as a

screen star is of having her previous husbands all enumerated every time the papers write up her latest divorce.

Why, in the name of common sense, don’t they ask somebody else what they think of the coming year? What those guys think is pretty well estab- lished. Sure they are optimistic of the future. If we had their dough we would be optimistic too. I would not only be an optimist for that much Jack, I would even be a vegetarian.

Why don’t they ask me what the New Year has in hiding for me? Well, I want to tell you that it don’t look any too rosey from where I am sitting. With every public man we have elected doing comedy, I tell you I don’t see much of a chance for a comedian to make a living. I am just on the verge of going to work. They can do more funny things naturally, than I can think of to do purposely.

Instead of asking Gary what he thinks, why don’t they ask a farmer. There is 10 million farmers and only one Gary. See what the farmer is paid every year for his optimism. And he has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer. Why don’t they ask Connie Mack what the New Year has lurking for him and his Philadelphia Athletics.5_{See if he can rake up any}

optimism after hearing every afternoon: “Well, we should have won that one.”

So The Exposure hereby and hereon goes on record editorially to try and have a new bunch of names to view on New Year’s, next Jan. 1st. Of course while the backbone of any paper is its editorial policy, why, at the same time, it must have some few news items, and various other depart- ments.

This past couple of weeks foreign news has just swamped us. If it had not been for Magnus Johnston milking a cow in Washington, we not only would have had no milk, but we would have had no local news.6_Magnus

milked in a contest for quantity, against Secretary Wallace of the Interior.7

Magnus’ cow had just been milked a few minutes before he started in on her. But that made no difference to him. Where he comes from milking is continuous. Magnus lost the contest. He said he hadn’t milked lately and didn’t have his hand in. Showing you that the United States Senate has al- ready spoiled a darn good milker.

For the convenience of our political readers from now on we will con- duct a dairy department in The Exposure. By the way, both of these men milked without washing their hands, to show their constituents that they were dirt farmers.

FOREIGN NEWS

Newspaper headline says: “King and Queen of England dance with their servants.” My Lord, do you have to dance with ’em to keep ’em now. If the King has to dance with them what on Earth will the rest of us have

to do. But if Kings are dancing with servants our War for Democracy has not been in vain.

Other foreign news by picture section of our press was that King George’s red bull had taken the prize at a cattle show.8_{So, between bulls}

and blue ribbons and servants the Royalty had a strenuous week.

Speaking of what the War did for Democracy and to stop all future wars, I see where we have the exclusive contract to furnish all ammunition for this and the next five wars in Mexico, with the option to furnish for the following 5, if there are any receptacles left to shoot into. That’s a good idea. If you can’t match a war yourself, why get the contract to furnish the material for some other wars. You know, that’s a great thing. You take a lot of nations and if they were not able to buy ammunition why they just could- n’t go to war. I tell you there is nothing in the world as disheartening to a country as to want to go to war and can’t. So I think we are to be heartily commended for obliging a suffering humanity.

INCREASE IN POPULATION NOTES

A baby boy arrived at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Lem Strutters of 211 South Main Street. Mother doing fine; child seems to be sore at the world.

LONDON ENGLAND

“Mr. Frank Kellogg, New American Ambassador, arrives in London in a Fog.”9_{That’s the way all of them arrived and most of them have remained}

in one as far as America was concerned. Mr. Kellogg said: “This is the most critical time in the world’s affairs.” Where have I heard that remark before? Did you ever know a politician that was not facing the most critical time in the world’s affairs every time he spoke in public. I don’t know what could be so critical with Mr. Kellogg. The world is going along about as usual, having about the usual quota of wars, robberies and murders.

IMMIGRATION NEWS

New York, N. Y.—Arrivals last week fom Europe 5,200. 5,150 of which are lecturers who are to tour the country telling us what we should do for Europe and what is the matter with us.

Next week we will get out our Midwinter number if the tourists from back East don’t run over us.