II.2 Sigfried Giedion: mecanización y objeto

Most mothers showed that they relate well to their disabled children except for two, of whom one said the child controls her too much and the other one said she is disturbed by her child as she is studying. Of the other 18 only seven relate well to their children without any problems and 11 relate well but the relationships are disturbed by the following issues:

They are strained because they require more attention than the other children.

Strained due to a breakdown in communication as the communication at school is different from the communication at home.

They sometimes feel hurt and depressed and think “why me?” They are exhausted and depressed.

They are worried about the child’s condition and behaviour. They have no choice but to love the child.

They sometimes have no feelings for the child and the grandmother has to intervene. The above indicates that mothers with disabled children love their children, but due to certain circumstances they are faced with having disabled children, they develop mixed feelings towards the children, which can be positive or negative and affect the relationship with the child.

The family relationships are also affected as some need more love and attention than other members of the family. So the mothers need to be encouraged socially to deal with the situation. Social support networks are important here. The fact that the social needs of mothers with disabled children are affected is also reinforced by their

relationship with their partners. Most of the mothers are single (13) and most of them do not want to talk about their relationships, stating how painful it is to be left with a small child especially one with special needs requiring special care. Even under normal circumstances it has been proven that single headed households are faced with more social issues. Out of seven mothers with partners, five are married and two are cohabiting. They state that their partners are loving and supportive, but they do not spend more time with children, they are unhappy about the situation, and complain about a tight budget.

Collins et al. (2007:66) confirmed that the nature and severity of the disability affects the family and their coping systems. So the families need support so that they can fulfil their roles and love their children fully.

5.10.1

Relationship with family members, relatives and friends

The relationship the mothers have with their family members, relatives and friends is a very complicated one. This depends on the situation of the child and how other people perceive it. Mothers had mixed answers regarding this situation, as seen from their comments below. This shows that the community of Letlhakeng has to be sensitised about disability and needs public education on disability and stigma. The social workers need to provide this education. People have to change their attitudes. Eight mothers said they were relating well without any problems.

Three were not relating well.

Nine were relating well, but there were issues which indicated that they were not as fully accepted as they had thought.

The mothers expressed the issues as follows:

Mother 1 “I relate well even though I am stressed by the child crying a lot.” Mother 2 “I relate well even though I am not comfortable with others.” Mother 3 “They ignore us.”

Mother 4 “Relationship is not good because they laugh at her.” Mother 5 “It is good but they feel I am a burden.”

Mother 7 “Relate well and ask about his health.”

Mother 8 “Relates well but with uncertainty because they are not settled when I am with the child.”

Mother 9 “Relate well” Mother 10 “Relates well”

Mother 11 “Relates well but they feel she does not help them with house chores.” Mother 12 “Relates well but not patient with her.”

Mother 13 “Relate well but strenuous as the child is a bully and harasses me and their children.”

Mother 14 “Supportive even though children don’t play that much with my child.” Mother 15 “Do not relate well.”

Mother 16 “Relates well.” Mother 17 “Relates well.” Mother 18 “Relate well.”

Mother 19 “I am fine at home but shameful with friends.” Mother 20 “They have accepted me.”

These comments show that the mothers are not fully accepted by others because of their disabled children. They are faced with the challenges of being looked down upon and isolated, so they need support.

5.10.2

Community interaction

In view of the above results it seems the relationships with family, relatives and friends is much better than with the community. The results show that even though they may be dysfunctional families, family members are important because of the attachment they have with the person.

The results of interaction with the community show that two mothers have not seen any change, three mothers were interacting very well, three were interacting well but did not find the community accommodating and 12 found the interaction poor. This has resulted in them leaving their children at home when they travel and only

spending short periods away from home. So they spend most of their time at home and do not attend most of the community activities unless the child is at school. They cannot even discuss the problems they encounter with rearing their children or ask for help unless they are with other mothers of disabled children at checkups.

The results indicate that the community still have negative attitudes towards mothers of disabled children. This could be linked to cultural beliefs whereby disability is associated with something bad or a physical disability. Conversely, Mattsson (1972) believes that the mothers are overly concerned about the child’s disability. Either way, they need intervention from the social worker.