137 CHAPTER III
Though the King was ill at the beginning of 1758 (Mu s i n ) , the Prince did not go to see him, as he was ill himself. The situation was thus extremely difficult. Whenever I saw the King, my heart and spirits seemed to dissolve into thin air, and it
became very hard to go on living from day to day and month to month; more so than I can describe. In February/March (lm) of
that year, Wolsong-wi died. Princess Hwasun, who had no child, showed her deepest loyalty to her husband by starving herself for seventeen days after his death, out of a foolishly sincere affection, and thereby bringing about her own demise. Although this was a great honour for the royal family, the King was
furious, saying that it was an act of impiety on her part to die leaving her aged father behind, and going contrary to his advice. Therefore the King refused to allow the erection of a red gate in honour of the virtuous princess. I thought it was
impressive that the Prince admired her virtuous behaviour at a time when he was very ill which was extraordinary. After the incident of the December 1757 (11m of the previous ye a r ) , the Prince stayed in Kwanhi-hap. In March/April 1758 (2m Muin) , the King was once more upset about something and went to see the Prince who to the King's amazement was dressed very
untidily. The King came to Sungmun-dang and summoned the Prince there, and they met each other for the first time since that incident of the December 1757 (11m of the previous year). The King rebuked the Prince about various matters and questioned him about the people he had killed. The King evidently seemed to know 1
about these things and was waiting to see whether he would confess the truth. Although the Prince knew that if he did so he would get into great trouble, to my amazement, he used to confess the truth, probably due to his innate earnestness. On that particular day when he was questioned, he answered, "If I kill people or animals when I am very depressed from nervous anxiety, it relieves my pent-up anger, sire".
The King asked, "Why is that so?"
"Because I am hurt" answered the Prince. "Why are you hurt?" the King asked.
"I am saddened because you do not love me and also, to my intense distress, I am terrified of you because you rebuke me all the time, Sire". So, answering in this way, he confessed the correct number of those he had killed; telling in detail what had happened. Then the King was probably moved by a moment
ary fatherly emotion and felt very sorry for his son. He calmed down somewhat saying, "I won't act in that way any more". And then the King came to see me at KyongcHun-jon and said, "I shall not be as I was any more because the Prince behaved like this. Do you think it will be all right?"
It was the first time the King had referred to his relation ship with his son in such a way. When I heard such things
suddenly and unexpectedly, I was truly delighted and moved to tears, saying, "Of course, it is more than right, Your Highness. Ever since childhood, the Prince has been frightened again and again by not being able to get your favour, which eventually brought on his mental illness and changed him into what he is now, Sire".
The King said, "The Prince told me that it happened because he was hurt".
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I said, "Yes, he has been deeply wounded, but if Your Highness loved him he would not be so" .
To which the King replied, with a pleased expression, "Then tell him I will do so, and that I have enquired how he sleeps and eats".
It was 4 April 1758 (27d 2m M u i n ) . When I saw the King going to Kwanhi-hap, my courage dissolved, thinking that some awful thing was going to happen, and I was in an agony of
anxiety. But when I heard these unexpected words from the King I was moved to tears and said, smiling, "How nice it would be if you could bring him back to his right mind like this". So
saying I bowed and prayed with my hands clasped.
But the King seemed suddenly to feel disgusted at my behaviour, changed his expression and went off saying, "I will do so". I could not understand clearly what he meant - it was as if it was all a dream - but the Prince asked me to come and see him. I went to him and said, "Why did you tell the King something about which His Majesty did not enquire, and for which you are bound to blame someone else later, overwhelming me
with dismay".
He answered, "Because the King asked me about things of which he already k n e w " .
I asked, "What did he say?"
He answered, "He told me not to do so any more".
I asked again, "Since the King instructed you in this way, do you think relations between you and your father might improve?"