Phase Content
‘gambit’ Currently, most countries confront stagflation of the economy such as
expensive goods, oil crisis and unemployment. Some people find it is difficult to adapt their lives regarding this situation. Some people, on the other hand, can easily revolve their lives to go along with it. Success in life is the result of the socio-economic factors.
‘elaboration’ Socio-economic components are essential in building up a strong society and
positively [=positive] social behavior combining with financial dimensions with inter-personal or inter-group dynamics. Socio-economic factors consist of social and economic factors that characterise the individual or group within the social structure including income, education, occupation, health and the environment. Success can be described in many ways; for example, gaining
top positions in a company, having a high salary, having more time for one’s family and achieving financial freedom. Although there are many characteristics to define success in life, having money or wealth is the way it can be quantified as it can lead to a healthy, wealthy and fulfilling life.
‘proposition’ Therefore, it can be argued that socio-economic factors govern success in life. ‘preview’ The purpose of this essay is to explain three major factors that can impact on
how a high salary is earned. The factors are education, health and family income.
Graduation and attitude
To attract attention to the wide scope of economic crisis (most countries), Graduation: Force: Quantification (spatio-temporal distance) is employed.
To contrast people’s ability in coping with the crisis, both negative Judgement (find it is difficult to adapt their lives) and positive Judgement (can easily revolve their lives) are used.
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To elaborate on the importance of socio-economic components and to define success, positive Appreciation is used extensively (e.g. essential, strong, positive, top, high, wealthy).
Engagement
There is one example each for the usage of concession and projection.
To counter expectancy, concessive consequence realised by the conjunction although is employed. Nat has mentioned many characteristics of success, so the reader might expect that these characteristics would be discussed altogether. Therefore, the conjunction although is used to select only one characteristic for the discussion (Although there are many characteristics to define success in life, having money or wealth is the way it can be quantified...).
To conceal her identity in relation to her proposition, Nat uses “impersonal projection” (Therefore, it can be argued that socio-economic factors govern success in life). Although the opinion might seem to come from an alternative unspecified source, it is actually her own responsibility in this thesis projection in the proposition phase.
5.1.2.2 The First Argument Stage
Phase Content
‘hyperClaim’ Education is an important socio-economic factor because it allows people to gain knowledge and skills to give them the power to achieve gainful
employment.
‘claim’ People who have a good quality education have more chances to succeed in the future because they will be able to get a higher position which can lead to earning a better salary.
‘support’ According to a study by Mclennan, “employed persons with bachelor degrees or higher qualifications were most often employed as professionals, whereas persons with other post-school qualifications were most often working as tradespersons and related workers” (1998, p8). The article supports that education significantly Affects how people are employed; that is, most people who graduate with a degree will probably be employed in a professional
capacity. Those who graduate with a diploma from a TAFE college will probably be employed as tradespersons. From this article, it can be seen that a professional occupation such as doctor, lawyer, lecturer and engineer requires higher qualifications. To become a doctor, a person needs to complete a minimum bachelor’s degree in medicine and several years of medical practice. Knowledge that doctors gain from their education and hand- on experience from their internship is essential for providing accurate
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treatment to patients. On the other hand, if doctors cannot apply the knowledge they have learned, they cannot help their patients in the proper way. This proves that education is valuable in society.
‘restatement’ Consequently, it is clear that education is an important socio-economic factor leading to success in life.
Graduation and attitude
In Nat’s essay, “education” is the first socio-economic factor that Affects the income gain. So, positive Appreciation is used when mentioning the value of education (important; good quality; higher; essential; accurate; valuable).
Being a doctor is used as an example to show the importance of education. Graduation: Force (minimum bachelor’s degree, several years of medical practice) is used to show high requirements in being a doctor. However, the negative Judgements show what will result when doctors “cannot apply the knowledge” instead.
Engagement
There is no concession in this stage. One example of modality and a few projections related to one academic support are found.
To indicate the possibility of different kinds of employment graduates with different qualifications will have, the modality probably is used (most people who graduate with a degree will probably be employed in a professional capacity. Those who graduate with a diploma from a TAFE college will probably be employed as tradespersons).
To support her claim that people with different education levels end up working in different kinds of work, one academic source is cited. After that, a few more clauses are projected, all of which refer to that academic support. Therefore, although there are several instances of clause projection, the whole argument is based on only one short direct quotation:
According to a study by Mclennan, “employed persons with bachelor degrees or higher qualifications were most often employed as professionals, whereas persons with other post-school qualifications were most often working as tradespersons and related workers” (1998, p8). The article supports that education significantly Affects how people are employed…From this article, it can be seen that a professional occupation such as doctor, lawyer, lecturer
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and engineer requires higher qualifications. This proves that education is valuable in society.
5.1.2.3 The Second Argument Stage
Phase Content
‘hyperClaim’ Health is another important socio-economic factor because it helps people work effectively.
‘claim-1’ People who take care of themselves will have the well being of both physical and mental conditions of one’s body. Healthy people will have longer life expectancy than those who have poor health.
‘support-1’ According to a study by Bloom, “health improvements accounted for as much as one–third of East Asia’s economic miracle, with formal analysis suggesting that a country can, on average, expect to see per capita incomes grow by an extra 0.3- 0.5 percent for every five years it adds to its life expectancy” (2001, p5). The article supports that countries with population having good health and high life expectancy could increase per capita incomes of the countries. From this article, it can be seen that regarding per capita income, theoretically it can be used to indicate how much each individual receives the yearly income generated in the country. So, high per capita income can imply high income one can earn.
‘support-2’ Besides, it is noted that at personal and family level, physical and mental wellness is important, benefits everyone and improves the overall quality of life (Gahrmann, 2004, p19). The article shows that at personal and family level, physical and mental wellness is important because it benefits everyone and improves the overall quality of life.
‘support-3’ Healthiness helps reduce medical costs and expenditures and minimizes unemployment. From this evidence, it can be seen that healthy people with proper medical care can also work effectively and trend [=tend] to be less absent due to illness. Work dedication and higher performance can give them more chances for promotion than those who have poor health. Professional athletes are a good example to show that good health is a key factor to achieve their top performance and career success. Illness and injuries can cause them a decline in world ranking and income.
‘restatement’ Consequently, it is clear that health is an important socio-economic factor leading to success in life.
Graduation and attitude
“Health” is the second socio-economic factor that will Affect how income is earned differently. Similar to the previous stage, the word “important” is used as a positive Appreciation in mentioning “health”.
Healthy people are judged positively for their physical and mental health (have the well being) and their work quality (effectively; be less absent).
Engagement
141 efficiency. There is no concession usage.
To open up a space for other different opinions, Nat uses the modal verb “can” several times when trying to relate national income figures to indicate individual income and when mentioning the possibility of something to happen to sick athletes:
…regarding per capita income, theoretically it can be used to indicate how much each individual receives the yearly income generated in the country. So, high per capita income can imply high income one can earn.
Illness and injuries can cause them a decline in world ranking and income.
To suggest that the statement regarding the quality of work performed by healthy people is only one possibility, not an absolute fact, the modals can and tend to be are employed (healthy people with proper medical care can also work effectively and trend [=tend] to be less absent due to illness).
An expert’s study is cited as saying that health improvements accounted for the increase in per capita incomes. Then to reformulate the concept of health improvements from that study and to interpret the academic source, a series of clauses are projected:
According to a study by Bloom, “health improvements accounted for as much as one–third of East Asia’s economic miracle, with formal analysis suggesting that a country can, on average, expect to see per capita incomes grow by an extra 0.3-0.5 percent for every five years it adds to its life expectancy” (2001, p5). The article supports that countries with population having good health and high life expectancy could increase per capita incomes of the countries. From this article, it can be seen that regarding per capita income, theoretically it can be used to indicate how much each individual receives the yearly income generated in the country.
To base her claim regarding the importance of physical and mental wellness on an academic source, a mental clause is projected with an expert’s name cited in brackets after the clause. After that, the same idea is projected:
Besides, it is noted that at personal and family level, physical and mental wellness is important, benefits everyone and improves the overall quality of life (Gahrmann, 2004, p19). The article shows that at personal and family level, physical and mental wellness is important because it benefits everyone and improves the overall quality of life.
The last support is not an academic support but a generalisation (Healthiness helps reduce medical costs and expenditures and minimizes unemployment). However, Nat
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still uses a clause projection and states that her evaluation is based on evidence (From this evidence, it can be seen that healthy people with proper medical care can also work effectively and trend [=tend] to be less absent due to illness).
5.1.2.4 The Third Argument Stage
Phase Content
‘hyperClaim’ Family income is another important socio-economic factor because it can give children more affordable opportunities to achieve more.
‘claim’ Young people growing up in a wealthy family usually go to prestigious
schools and get higher education, have more chances to get a good position with a higher salary.
‘support-1’ According to a study by Guldi, Page, & Stevens, “family background could Affect adult children’s success in both direct and indirect ways” (2006, p1). The article supports that parent’s income, occupation and education
significantly Affects the success of their children because family income gives an opportunity for children to access higher education, which will later lead to more employment opportunities after Graduation. From this evidence article, it can be seen that children from wealthy families trend [=tend] to attend private schools, which offer more educational facilities, equipments and learning support such as modern laboratory equipments and tutoring sessions. With support given to students, students are likely to academically
achieve at secondary level and to continually pursue tertiary education. Families with low income may not enable [=able] to afford their children’s education. Tuition fee is possibly too high. In Thailand, for example, most
well-known universities are located in Bangkok where the cost of living is
relatively high. Living in the big city for attending higher education could be
unaffordable for students from poor families. Scholarships can fund economically disadvantaged students higher education but it is [=they are] also highlycompetitive due to a small number of available scholarships. ‘support-2’ Furthermore, according to a study by Mayer, “parental income is positively
correlated with virtually every dimension of child well-being that social scientists measure and this is true in every country for which we have data. The children of rich parents are healthier, better behaved, happier and better educated during their childhood and wealthier when they have grown up than are children from poor families” (2002, p30). The article supports that the children from wealthier families will have more chances to succeed when they grow up than those from poorer families. From this evidence, it can be seen that people growing up in a wealthy family will probably [^have] a muchbetter
lifestyle and be able to affordmore luxuries which will increase the stability in life. On the other hand, a young person [=young people] will find it more difficult if they do not have financial support; for example, when members in a
poor family are ill, they will probably try to cure themselves without seeing the doctor because of lack of money. So, they might recover from the illness very slowly or possibly a death [=die].
‘restatement’ Consequently, it is clear that family income is an important socio-economic factor leading to success in life.
143 Graduation and attitude
“Family income” is the last socio-economic factor to be discussed, which will Affect success. Again, the word “important” is used as a positive Appreciation of “family income”.
To favour “wealthy family” background, Nat uses positive Appreciation in relation to the type of school wealthy families go to (prestigious schools) and extra services they receive from special schools (opportunity, higher, modern). So, “private schools” can be seen to invoke positive attitude, as these schools offer beyond what is expected. The ability of wealthy people who attend prestigious schools is judged positively (get higher education, have more chances). Their salary is assigned a positive Appreciation with the word “higher”, which would remind the reader of the purpose of the essay as set in the preview phase of the Thesis stage (“to explain three major factors that can impact on how a high salary is earned”).
To draw a contrast, “families with low income” are judged negatively in their limitations in supporting their children (not able to afford their children’s education). To point out three reasons why they are unable to support children for high education, negative Appreciations are used with Graduation: Force, as in these instances (Graduation is underlined): “too high” tuition fee; “relatively high” cost of living; “highly competitive” scholarships.
The contrast is also made clear by means of comparatives in a direct quotation: “healthier”; “better behaved”; “happier”; “better educated” and “wealthier”, and comparatives made by Nat “wealthier”; “poorer”; “better”. Again, Graduation is also used together with some of these evaluations, as in (Graduation is underlined) “much better”; “more difficult”.
Engagement
In the third Argument stage, Nat argues that with support from family income, children will have opportunities to get into famous universities - the opportunities which children from poor families miss.
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scholarships, so that they will also have higher education opportunities. However, to counter the expectation that those from poor families will have equal education opportunities as students from rich families, she uses the concessive conjunction but also (Scholarships can fund economically disadvantaged students higher education but it is [=they are] also highly competitive due to a small number of available scholarships).
To acknowledge alternative positions and open up a space for possible reconciliation, a range of modal resources is used in the third Argument stage. In the claim phase, to state what might happen, modalisation of probability is used (young people growing up in a wealthy family usually go to prestigious schools…). Also, to state the tendency of wealthy children attending private schools and the likelihood that they will achieve academically, Nat uses tend to and likely (…children from wealthy families trend [=tend] to attend private schools…; With support given to students, students are likely to academically achieve…).
To negotiate information regarding the price of tuition fees, the living cost in a big city, and the different lifestyles between the two kinds of families, a variety of modals is used:
Tuition fee is possibly too high.
Living in the big city for attending higher education could be unaffordable for students from poor families.
… people growing up in a wealthy family will probably [^have] a much better lifestyle and be able to afford more luxuries which will increase the stability in life. On the other hand, a young person will find it more difficult ...; for example, when members in a poor family are ill, they will probably try to cure themselves without seeing the doctor because of lack of money. So, they might recover from the illness very slowly or possibly a death [=die].
Two academic sources are cited in relation to the claim regarding family background effects towards education and lifestyles. Then, to reformulate the concept in those sources into general ideas or interpretations, a series of clause projections follow each academic source:
According to a study by Guldi, Page, & Stevens, “family background could Affect adult children’s success in both direct and indirect ways” (2006, p1). The article supports that parent’s income, occupation and education significantly Affects the success of their children... From this evidence article, it can be
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seen that children from wealthy families trend [=tend] to attend private schools…Furthermore, according to a study by Mayer, “parental income is positively correlated with virtually every dimension of child well-being...” (2002, p30). The article supports that the children from wealthier families will have more chances to succeed... From this evidence, it can be seen that people growing up in a wealthy family will probably a much better lifestyle...
5.1.2.5 The Conclusion Stage
Phase Content
‘marker + affirmation’
In conclusion, this essay shows socio-economic factors have a lot of impacts on people and govern success in life.
‘consolidation’ These factors, which are education, health and family income, can be used to indicate one’s quality of life. High family income supports high
education. Good health paves the way to learn and work effectively. High
education with family financial support and good health lead to having a
good position and high income.
‘close’ In addition, these factors can also be chosen to do further analysis on mental happiness gain instead of earning a lot of money.
Graduation and attitude
To relate themes of argument to the proposition, positive evaluations (i.e. high, good) are captured again in the consolidation phase.