Description of sub-theme:
Personal growth of the therapist was also harnessed by the participants, and the idea of the quest – of going in search of previously unknown territory – provided an integrating metaphor. This travelling metaphor connected the energy for planning and execution of research with the learning journey of a therapist. (‘Not knowing’ and searching are integral to both.)
In this penultimate sub-theme for this chapter, the idea of the quest and traversing new territory was rather startlingly captured by one researcher participant at Site KT:
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…. I think it was exciting to have traversed territory that wasn’t well known… So I think that what I got from that was this learning, this realisation that I could conquer knowledge that I
didn’t have and that you could find a temporary answer to a question that was really exciting
and that just led to more and more questions. (Bella 158 & 169-173)
So for this participant –and this seemed very characteristic of others too –the hard work, journeying and mastery (albeit mastery as a ‘temporary answer’) of practice-based research, were highly
stimulating and a strong reinforcement for continued pursuit of the music therapy ‘quest’. In addition these words strongly evoked creative process and it was interesting for me to be reminded of the connection of research with creativity as well as the more obvious artistic, musical part of music therapy practice. It was significant to hear, as it created an active imaginative connection point between research and practice and another area of potential integration. The process that this participant captured here had something of the feeling of improvisation, (the idea of travelling somewhere, and of finding temporary ‘patterns’ or answers that shape the practitioner-researcher’s understanding).
Participants in the Group-BA focus group drew attention at several points in their group conversation to the kind of personal quest and internal journey experienced on music therapy courses. The
experience of personal change and learning and how this might be managed in training was of concern to the participants midway through the group. This was particularly emphasised where a training programme had a specific psychodynamic focus as its theoretical approach, but also when students were learning to work with complicated psychiatric conditions. Researcher-lecturer Zelda considered that the American model of a three-year undergraduate degree, followed by a two-year post-graduate degree when research was undertaken in the later postgraduate period, presented certain advantages here, as this potentially allowed more growth time for the person and clinician. She was concerned about Paloma’s experience (in Group-BA) of too much to manage, with research and practice tasks. Hannah (lecturer-researcher) in this group observed that though she now taught research as an integral part of the two-year programme, she herself had been really focussed on her clinical learning about psychosis in her own student days and was very grateful for the immersion. She subtly communicated that she doubted she would have had so good or strong a clinical experience of learning, if she had been tackling research at the same time. She wryly observed the paradox – as she was now involved fully in research, leading projects and advocating for good research teaching.
However a researcher-lecturer in Group-E also highlighted that an academic and personal journey were clearly both part of training experience and that they could have potential to sit alongside each other:“…the progress in the kind of programme we are doing there is not just intellectual progress
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Group-BA returned to their discussion of the issue of this kind of mirrored ‘journey’of research and practice towards the end of the group. They shared some important further insights about ‘not knowing’ in both research and therapeutic learning, and how students might process and absorb this. The focus was on a ‘learning journey’ and all four participants (lecturers and a new graduate) discussed the stripping down of self, which students often have to do. Programme leader Hannah emphasised the unpredictability of the clinical practice environment: “…when you respond to the
patient, you don’t know what’s going to happen next, and that’s what creates the anxiety, the sense of
the unknown.” (Hannah 834-836)
Supervisor-lecturer Catherine referred more to documenting or writing about the clinical work:
….people are struggling with that having to give up something of the selves they brought in. (I
remember that when I trained actually)….I suppose something about writing in particular is
very interesting in that respect. That people suddenly revert to being about sixteen, worrying about handing their essay in on time. (Paloma: Yeh!) Whether it got 60 % or 61%. And there is something about the regressed state that a lot of people are in, (which is actually part of the
anxiety I think), and I’m not quite sure where this thought ends, but it is something to do with:
however excellent you’ve been at something else, you’re a beginner. (Catherine 862-873)
This idea about research was specifically echoed also by the Site KT participant at the opening of this theme, who talked about managing uncertainty particularly in the research journey, and tolerating not knowing what she was doing.
Group-BA concluded that the parallel processes, if carefully supported and understood by supervisors and lecturers, could usefully dovetail research and practice and create really interesting journeys or quests.
A clinical lecturer participant at the same site observed how important it was for students to be fully engaged in the placement experience and to support them to find a placement in their “really burning interest” area (Helena 442) to provide and fuel this interest and excitement in the research pathway they went on to do. Giving students choice about this and where possible involving them in helping to set up a new placement added to the sense of commitment. She further commented that if you “really
love to work”(458) in an area of practice, this really “carries you through the process”. I was struck,
when listening to Helena, by her ‘fiery’ language and the energy she conveyed (linking back to sub- theme 4.2.3) sensing that one needed personal strength to sustain oneself through the challenging journey of practice-research. There were similarities of tone and ‘feel’ in other participants’ accounts. For example, Site FT researcher-supervisor Alex vividly captured the effort she needed to make to manage the struggle to make new connections and to forge new paths in her practice research; hunger for information is described in animated ways by Site FV clinical lecturer Hope and Site KT
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researcher lecturer Bella (as described in section 4.2.2) in their constant need for asking and answering questions; and metaphors of conquering and mastering were articulated by Site FV
supervisor Hilly and Site KT programme director Beatrice. It was interesting that what united them was a kind of energy characteristic of ‘fire’, hence the title of this theme and chapter, and the idea of the ground bass underpinning. It was also easy to identify urgency and excitement in their voices as they described their experience which further emphasised fiery passion and aliveness.