La célula de Kupffer

‘understand’: ‘the group understands’ (Jojo); ‘she understands’ (Wendy); ‘sometimes it’s fantastic just to find somebody that gets it’ (Nicola); and enable conversation about the realities of LwBBC -‘I can say more to them than I can do to my own family’ (Jojo). In sharing examples of social interactions, they experience as unhelpful, women relieve their own stress and use humour to bring other women LwBBC into closer relationship with them:

‘oh, we were out in T K Maxx with my mum and my mum saw somebody shaking a Cancer Research thing and she went ‘my da...my daughter's got it. She's got it, I'd better put some money, hadn't I?’ So, so she's posted ‘I'm going to kill my mother’. But, she probably felt she couldn't say that to anybody else so you know, [you] go, ‘oh yeah, my mother did this last week’ blah blah blah and you know sometimes it’s quite funny really’ (Photo-production: Michelle M). Positive benefits of humour in illness have previously been reported (Kuiper, 2012; McCreaddie & Wiggins, 2008). Humour provides “an individual and collective sense of empowerment, builds cohesion across a community and reduces feelings of isolation” (Demjén, 2016, p.18).

140 Women critically assess and integrate helpful channels of emotional support into their ways of coping. The images of family and friends and of ‘being loved’ (Figure 7-13) co-exist in women’s photograph portfolios with images of digital technologies and social media (Figure 7-15). These act as a proxy for emotional connectedness.

Figure 7-15 Feeling emotionally connected

© Michelle / 29.02.16/ University of Salford / Cathy Ure; © Deborah / 11.03.16 / University of Salford / Cathy Ure; © Wendy Northway /28.04.16/ University of Salford / Cathy Ure; © Jo Taylor - abcdiagnosis / 10.12.15 / University of Salford / Cathy Ure; © Michelle Mullany / 03.03.16 / University of Salford / Cathy Ure; © Lizzie / 18.11.15 / University of Salford / Cathy Ure; © Delphi Marmaduke / 05.01.16 / University of Salford / Cathy Ure

Women’s narratives and images of Facebook profile pages and posts (Images: Deborah 23, 24; Delphi 9,12; Michelle J 7,8; Michelle M 6,7; Wendy 4), Twitter feeds (Images: Delphi 10; Jo 33) and blogs (Image: Lizzie 7) position these environments as sources of emotional connection. In relation to image Lizzie 7, Lizzie described her joy of receiving a blog from her friends travelling in the US ‘I feel like I do those things with them and they know that.

141 They know how much I appreciate it’. Other women used emotive language to describe how significant they felt Facebook groups had been for them since diagnosis:

‘But I cannot think of a single source that would provide even close to the amount of…even close to the amount of support the YBCN has provided for me. I never looked elsewhere (Photo-production: Delphi)

‘it’s honestly, it was a lifesaver, for me, absolutely. [Founder’s name] group was amazing’ (Photo-elicitation: Jayne)

‘But this has been a lifesaver for me I think, the Young Breast Cancer Network, most definitely’ (Photo-production: Michelle J) ‘it’s [YBCN] really good. It’s really, really, really good. It’s definitely the first place I would ask a question I didn’t feel I could ask my doctor’ (Photo-production: Kirsty)

‘Social media is amazing. I nearly said Facebook what’s erm oh dear how can I explain it’s like a virtual friend. Like your Guardian Angels or your guides. You’ve never met, and you know they are there for you. You know’ (Photo-elicitation: Jojo)

Women describe sharing their experiences with other women LwBBC on social media as being part of a ‘sisterhood’ (Liz; Wendy); of ‘walking in their shoes’ (Liz) and being part of a ‘tribe’ (Nicola).

Often women’s communicative preferences signalled a preference for emotional support in environments that provide privacy. This is reflected in the predominance of Facebook closed groups within the photographs provided (Figure 7-15: Images Deborah 13,14; Delphi 9,12; Michelle J 7,8; Michelle M 7, 8) and within women’s accounts. Yet, women also provided examples of moving away from the public gaze of ‘normal’ Facebook and the closed breast cancer groups on Facebook for more intimate conversations. Other platforms, which offer feelings of proximity and intimacy - WhatsApp, Skype, and FaceTime - were used to gain emotional support. This demonstrates women selectively choosing those media environments that best suit their communicative and emotional needs (Madianou, 2015) at any specific time. WhatsApp was also used as it is free (Denise G; Jayne; Nicola; Sarah); a good way of sending photos to one another (Jayne; Lizzie; Nicola); as a space where everyone is ‘happy to chat’ (Lizzie); and provides a greater sense of connectivity through seeing someone has read your message (Kirsty). WhatsApp was used with family (Denise G; Eleanor; Jojo) or friends and family (Jayne; Lizzie; Mandy; Michelle J; Nicola; Sarah J; Shenna); and the Uni girls

142 (Sarah M). Mandy articulates use for familial connectedness which they collectively use when struggling emotionally:

‘WhatsApp … a really nice way of keeping in contact with people, my family now, just my siblings, only my 5 brothers and sisters, are on there, and if we’re feeling a bit down, we go on there’ (Photo- elicitation: Mandy)

Skype and FaceTime were utilised as visual media to reduce distance and support the development of familial relationships inter-generationally. Examples included Sarah J Face Timing her mum:

‘when she’s got my nieces around because they are quite small, so I Facetime them then and they show me all their toys and things’ (Photo-elicitation: Sarah J)

Women used Skype and FaceTime for emotional support when feeling ill or with family members experiencing declining health. In the following extracts, Kirsty warrants use of Skype and FaceTime as a visual ‘checking’ tool which enables discussion around ‘being OK’. In contrast, Deborah FaceTime’s her mum to provide connection and pleasure which could not have been tolerated face to face:

‘when I’m really poorly at home, stuck at home, my mum likes to Skype me to just check that I look alright. And invariably I don’t. So, she does, she uses that with my grandad as well because he lives in the Lake District. And she says she Facetimes him because she can see his face and if he’s okay, so if he says he’s fine and he’s not fine she can tell. And so, she does the same with me I think. Or I say, she says ‘you sound fine’ and I say ‘I’m not fine’ so it’s the other way’ (Photo-production: Kirsty)

‘we would FaceTime quite a bit, because the kids would want to chat and my mum would want to chat to the kids and of course by then she was kind of on the sofa 24/7 [ ] You know, if you are fatigued and in pain, the noise, it doesn’t matter how much, for her it was horrid, because she wanted to hear the noise, she lived for her grandkids, but her body just couldn’t tolerate it, and the jumping around, a three year old boy, you can imagine, can’t you? (Photo-production: Deborah)

Skype and FaceTime were described as ‘the reality of it sometimes’ (Kirsty) collapsing the distance between mothers, daughters, grandfathers, grandmothers and children to provide emotional sustenance and facilitate physical proximity. Its beneficial use for people receiving

143 palliative care or who are isolated with limited access to familial support has been previously identified (Battley, Balding, Gilligan, O’Connell & O’Brien, 2012; Bensink et al., 2009).