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The process of challenging beliefs is not hard to do once a person recognizes the beliefs that are guiding his behavior and then goes through the following steps. The first step for Steve was to realize his belief and write it down.

“No one else has problems like me.”

Once he realized that this was his guiding belief, I asked him to provide me with all of the evidence he could that supported this statement (this was step two).

His list included:

• I have been dealing with this for years and others can quit anytime.

• I don’t have strong willpower like others.

• I have repeatedly told myself that I would not relapse again but I keep going back to it.

Notice that these statements are also beliefs. The

third step in challenging unhealthy beliefs for Steve was to give all the evidence he could that might suggest this statement was not true. This took some time as Steve had never before questioned whether his beliefs were true or false. This step almost always creates a new perspective.

Many of my clients have never questioned whether their beliefs were accurate or inaccurate. In Steve’s case this was the turning point. He had just assumed that he was alone and that there must be something seriously wrong with him.

Once he realized that his beliefs might be wrong, the fun began.

He started by asking me how many people I had seen who were dealing with pornography addiction. When I told him over one hundred he realized he wasn’t alone. Then he thought about how big of an industry pornography is and how much money it generates each year (over $56 billion annually). As he looked at these thoughts, he realized that millions of others were also struggling with pornography.

This helped him realize that he was surely not alone in his battle with pornography.

In the fourth step I asked Steve to examine how these beliefs had affected him. This information was easily accessed by reviewing what he had been doing socially and with his family. He was able to identify that his beliefs had prevented him from getting close to the women he dated and he avoided his family and friends when he was heavily involved in pornography. Such actions led him to increased feelings of being alone and of isolation. The process of examining the impact broadened his self-understanding. He learned that a single belief had the capacity to affect his entire life.

Once through the first four stages, the final stage is much easier. In step five Steve created a game plan so that the next time his negative belief tried to sneak its way into his mind, he quickly challenged it to reflect the new accept those negative thoughts (e.g., write down reminders on mirrors or refrigerator doors). You may want to adopt a phrase that we teach people who come through our classes,

“I don’t need to go there!” meaning, “I am not going to let this negative thought overtake my thinking.”

Be emotionally honest with yourself. Having already looked at the belief, you know the truth. By allowing yourself to keep going back to the same negative thoughts you are ignoring what you have previously learned.

Develop new thoughts so that the next time you begin to feel that way you have other thoughts to play in your mind.

Some of the things you might consider doing include:

memorize something, create as many positive thoughts as you can to replace the negative beliefs, or call a friend so that your mind doesn’t keep thinking the same negative thoughts.

Include a friend in your game plan. A support system offers strength when you may need it the most. Some negative beliefs are so powerful that only friends or family can give us a reality check.

Exercise 34:Go through the following steps to help you understand and overcome old belief patterns.

1. Write down the beliefs you have about yourself, your relationships, and others, that are a direct result of your involvement with pornography.

2. Provide as much evidence as you can that supports your beliefs.

3. Look at your beliefs and ask whether there is any evidence that would make the belief false or true.

4. Identify how your beliefs have impacted you. Be specific.

5. Create a plan of action for the next time this belief comes into your mind.

When you have looked at your beliefs, why you believe what you believe, and how your beliefs have impacted you, and then take the final step of making a plan of action, these things will help you break the negative beliefs you have accepted as truth. The process of challenging negative beliefs is very effective for those who are willing to go through this learning exercise. In many instances new hope is found and motivation increases to help fight the battle.

MOTIVATION

When people begin to look at their problems as if they can be solved, a new and positive feeling comes upon them.

This is when positive change is just around the corner. When Steve realized he wasn’t alone, his hope soared and he began talking like he was going to win his battle with pornography. This hope increased his motivation. Until motivation levels are high it is almost impossible to create the necessary change it requires to stop looking at pornography. Pornography is hard to overcome, but when there is no motivation, change will not happen. Motivation comes when individuals begin to see their problem as something that can be solved.

Researchers have consistently explored what works and what does not when treating addicts. The findings suggest that effective approaches instill within the client the belief that he can change. With a belief that change is possible, motivation increases and the addict learns to utilize his own strengths. Here are some additional methods that can be used to increase motivation for change.

• Look at and identify beliefs that keep you trapped in negative behaviors.

• Realize that you have the seeds to the solutions of your problems within you.

• Seek new knowledge or skills.

• Use your own values to help you change.

• Check your progress over time, but do not force the desired changes upon yourself.

Each of these methods will be described below.

LOOK AT AND IDENTIFY BELIEFS THAT KEEP YOU