LITERATURA Justificación

This survey also collected information on a range of controlling behaviours by a respondent’s partner. In this study controlling behaviours are not included in the computation for emotional violence (ensuring comparison with other countries that used the WHO Study questionnaire). Many researchers see controlling behaviours as a risk factor for partner violence, while some others consider controlling behaviours as part of psychological violence. Among the behaviours measured were: whether the partner or husband commonly attempts to restrict a woman’s contact with her family or friends; whether he insists on knowing where she is at all times; whether he ignores her or treats her indifferently; whether he controls her

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access to health care (she needs to ask his permission to seek health care); whether he is constantly suspicious of her being unfaithful; and whether he gets angry when she speaks with other men.(Table 4.8 and Figure 4.13.)

The data showed that the proportion of women reporting one or more acts of controlling behaviour by their husband at any one time in their life is as much as 91%, with little difference between geographical areas or by educational level. By far the most common type of controlling behaviour is that the partner insists on knowing where she is at all times. This was mentioned by 87% of the respondents. The next most common type was controlling the woman’s access to health care (57%), followed by keeping the woman from seeing her friends (39%), and getting angry when she speaks to another man (38%). Only one in 10 women mentioned that her partner restricts her contact with her own family (10%). A similar proportion mentioned that her partner ignored her or treated her indifferently (9%). For most of the controlling behaviours there is a distinction between educational levels. For example, 60% of women with primary or secondary education mention a need to ask permission before seeking health care compared to ‘only’ 39% of women with higher education.

It is worthwhile underlining that women in Tonga reported, on the one hand, moderate levels of emotional abusive acts, but, on the other hand, very high levels of some types of controlling behaviours.

The qualitative results confirmed the findings on types of controlling behaviours that occurred to women. In Tonga, women are generally required to seek out her husband’s permission before she can undergo a major treatment such as an operation. If the husband consents to it, he will sign the consent form provided by the Ministry of Health.

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Specifically, the different forms of controlling behaviour mentioned by the women in the outer islands are: the husband wants to know where the woman is at all times; the husband does not want the woman to talk to her friends; the husband is angry when the wife visits her family and in turn, swears at the wife’s parents; the husband restricts the woman from going anywhere else but to church and to church functions; the husband is jealous when she speaks to another man; the husband is angry if people come to his house and his wife talks to them without his knowledge; the husband wants to control all the money that comes into the family even if the wife is the wage earner.

Also the qualitative results confirm the notion that the husband as head of the family makes all decisions, even those related to the health of his wife. Controlling behaviour in Tonga is most often not perceived as a form of violence because it is rooted in the traditional belief that the wife has to be obedient to her husband. It also stems from the Christian belief that once the man and woman are married, the woman disregards her parents and remains faithful to her husband. When a man controls his wife, it is regarded as the right thing to do as the wife has to be protected by the husband.

In addition, controlling behaviour is most often supported by the families. If a woman wants the freedom to do what she wants, this is regarded as being disobedient to the husband and the ultimate price is always getting beaten. The woman’s family would regard the husband beating the wife as rightful discipline.

For many Tongan women, it is “a good thing” that her husband wants to know where she is at all times, because it shows that he cares and is concerned about her, but some other women say that this acts as a major hindrance on their freedom of movement.

‘I am never allowed to go anywhere without my husband’s permission. Even if I want to go to the shop to buy something, he will have to know. When we first got married, we lived with his parents but now we have our own little house. Before we moved to our house, his parents cautioned me not to go anywhere without my husband’s permission. I was to remain at home, look after the children, prepare the food and just do my daily chores. I was never allowed to go to the neighbours or to visit any other relative. My husband supported this and I am not allowed to go anywhere or join in any village or community function. The only place that I am allowed to go to is to church and to be in the church women’s group.’

Woman, Talanoa, ‘Eua

‘I used to like going out to the night-club with my husband but then when a man would come and ask me to dance, he would get up and punch the other man. After that, he would turn around to me and pull me by the hair out of the night-club and start beating me up and saying that I was dishonest to him and that I was seeing another man. ‘

Woman, Talanoa, Tongatapu

Controlling behaviour and all forms of violence are related to power dynamics within the marriage institution or within any relationship. In Tonga, the male partners usually exert their power upon their wives and they most often display their powers through vindictive means which are also acts of emotional abuse. A woman on Tongatapu shares her story by saying:

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‘I was sick in bed one day and while I was lying in bed, I saw my husband’s mistress come up to the door of the house and call my husband. My husband went to her and they took off for about two hours. After that, she came and dropped my husband off. My husband just came up to me and lay down beside me. I did not want to get angry at him because if I did, he would beat me up. All I could do was smile at him.’

Woman, Talanoa, Tongatapu

The same woman also said:

‘My husband has so many children with different women. If one of the women would give birth, he would tell me to go prepare some food for his mistress and go and visit her and her child.’

Woman, Talanoa, Tongatapu A number of women in the outer islands described that due to emotional, controlling behaviour and psychological violence, they were living in a state of constant fear of their spouse or partner. Some said that the fear increased when living with the husband’s family. There were consistent remarks of the mother-in-law involving herself in the domestic affairs of the couple, and that at times she made drastic decisions which the women believed were ultimately aimed at separating the couple. In the mother-in-law’s view, this was for the betterment of her son’s social and economic welfare.