Llenado del FUN

Transmitting religious beliefs and religious cultures appear to be quite important in terms of various issues particularly in a context dominated by other belief systems. “Religious identity refers to the extent to which a person feels connected to his/her religion and interprets religion as part of his/her identity and religious socialization refers to parental attempts to transmit their religious beliefs, ideas, and related behavioral requirements to their children.” (Ekmekci- Baydar, 2014, p.17). As it was stated by the mothers, religion seems to have a big influence in other domains of everyday life like food choices and partner selection. Unquestionably, mothers have some special activities to transmit their religious identities.

I take my child to the mosque since s/he was 3 years old. Every Sunday, we go there. I cannot say anything like this is my perspective but I believe we must live that way. Knowing that the dead is there at the end, it is not okay to accept it as it (death) does not exist.

[Yasemin, in her 30s, having a child]

She believes that it is not about having different perspectives or views regarding religion but it is a common fact that cannot be changed. She does not accept religion as subjective that can differ from person to person. Furthermore, she continues with adding the following statement:

[…] I mean since we are coming from a certain religious background, my perspective on this issue is a bit strict. Dependent on this issue, my child’s friendship with other people is the biggest fear of mine.

[Yasemin, in her 30s, having a child]

This statement will be discussed further in the section concerning the risks associated with the contact. Although the same mother indicated her happiness towards the importance of learning the language that connects her and her child to the people with various backgrounds, it also brings the risk related to losing their own culture including religious identities.

Lale mentioned that she does not know much about the religion which she reads about to educate herself. Furthermore, she realized the importance of the religion after reaching to the certain age.

I did not know about my religion in the past. Now, I read about it […] now, I feel how important Islam is, I mean it has an important place. I teach it to my children. But I do not want to teach them in the way I learned it. When I was a child, we were learning this is sin, that is wrong and so on. Then, it is not you put a distance to religion but also you do not interest in that area.

[Lale, in her 40s, mother of 3 children]

Lale continues with a liberating idea about religion. She criticizes the way how religion is pursued commonly among the Muslim society which she refuses to teach her children. She believes that religion is manipulated to limit women’s roles in the society and she have an egalitarian tendency in terms of religious values.

It became like a religion of men. I mean everything is okay for men and when it comes to women, everything is forbidden, sin, hell. Then, you react on it. I do not want to teach my children that way. I want to teach them in a better way and better sides of religions. [Lale, in her 40s, mother of 3 children]

Acculturating mother seems to criticize the religious endorsement of patriarchal structures and traditions. As Sweden known to be gender equal country, she might be affected by the equality value of Swedish society. Additionally, she wants to transmit these to her children.

Religion also affects the parental rules that parents make their children obligated to obey even dough the expected regulation is very personal.

I mean for me it is the same to be friend with boys or girls but I think this way if they are having a romantic relationship. According to our (religious) belief, you cannot have sexual intercourse outside of the marriage. For that reason, think about it before when you are having a relationship. You can go to the cinema, to the picnic or do other activities but, forward looking, when you think of getting married, then, I mean, I would say embrace that girl, do not upset her. I don’t want neither my daughter nor any other girl to be sad.

Physical contact with the opposite sex including sexual activities outside of marriage are indeed a big sin in Islamic belief which is also connected to purity, mostly for females. From above, it is not really clear if she only meant her son because, in between the conversation, she mentions about embracing the girl that his son is together. Yet, she has very liberating ideas which might be the result of acculturation. She, actually, is not thinking in a very traditional way in terms of friendship with the opposite sex. It is perceived as okay to have some romantic relationship with the opposite sex. However, there are still some boundary or limit to that relationship which is decided by the religious beliefs, and in the end, it has transformed into a parental rule.

Religion appears to be playing a big role, among many other determinants, for choosing a partner for their children. In the collectivist cultures, it is quite important to get the approval of the parents for the person with whom one wants to get married. One of the mothers, for example, explained how her daughter chose her husband.

[…] I said too early, please study. I really wanted her to study but she did not. Her dream was to be a housewife and a mother since her childhood […] When she chose her husband, she came to me and said ‘mom you wanted him to be university graduate, he is. You said he should know both his religion and culture, and he should live here and know here (Sweden), he is exactly like that. As you wanted him to be, he is more mature than me, he has a job, he has good morals, and he is a person who is appreciated by other, they all exist together.

[Gül, in her 40s, mother of 3 children]

Knowing the religion, probably, refers to the knowledge of religious doctrines and applying them into your life. It is one of the significant factors which has an influence on the partner choice as religion is emphasized to be one of the major motives for choosing a wife or husband. Additional to religion, it can be seen that the daughter decides accordingly to her mother’s criteria or her criteria for choosing her own life partner might be affected by her mother’s ideas.