“Looking back on my mental elaboration of all that occurred in Karen’s
analysis, I feel that I knew, without knowing, many things that I could conceptualize today” (McDougall, 1986: p. 36).
It appears that epistemology is a latent sub-text in psychodynamic supervision that doesn’t surface as a subject which can be discussed in order to generate shared meanings between the supervisor and the supervisee. The participants who employed additional supervisors before their licensing exam ‘learned’ in the context of analyzing the process of how they worked in one case study. In some ways this enhanced their understanding, and in other ways it was somewhat similar to cramming before the final exam. It is hard to evaluate how much of this ‘knowledge’ was internalized. Since all of the participants had high levels of self- awareness and self-criticism, the examination process may not have answered the deep questions they had about their abilities. It would only be later, after years of working in the profession, that they could possibly look back, reflect, and understand their personal development.
All of the participants chose to continue with supervision after they had passed the licensing exam. Some chose supervision in more evidence-based streams of psychology. A level of understanding and articulateness had been reached but the pervasive feeling was that there was still much to be learned. Perceiving oneself as a competent psychologist was a process which continued to develop and required the interaction with a supervisor. The external recognition was very important to them, but even more
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difficult was the struggle integrating the various types of knowledge required in order to allow themselves inner validation.
P7 (L 240-243): After experiencing this ‘salad’ situation for several years, it’s a long process, you begin to develop yourself, and to answer the questions, what am I doing in therapy, and what is happening here? What do I want to achieve and what can I do?
The learning and training in psychodynamic supervision was based on both declarative and procedural knowledge. In supervision, the emphasis appeared to be on procedural knowledge, and the space created by ‘not enough’ theory was sometimes a point of weakness in owning their new identity.
P6 (L 247-249; 257-260): I think there’s something about practice without theory that is not enough. Hard core theory. You know. Read this. Think about this…: I feel like it’s not connected enough for me. I think I can say something general about some theories, but I don’t remember it enough. If I think about what I’m saying and what I’m thinking, I can maybe trace it back to the person.
All the participants invested time in learning theory independently in preparation for the licensing exam, and were more confident about their ability to work as clinical psychologists. They had moved from dependence on the supervisor to a more self-reliant position. This movement was accompanied by endeavoring to learn the psychodynamic language on their own, and reaching a good level of understanding.The participants wanted to deepen their knowledge after the exam, and they found different solutions.
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L: After the licensing exam, did you continue to learn and request supervision? Or do you think that you remain with the knowledge you learned for the exam for several years?
P3 (L 401-410, 1st interview): Most of us stagnate for a while. There is even an aversion to learning professional material. You almost hate the material because of the huge effort that was made. For two months after the exam I did not read anything psychological, but I really enjoyed that time. Now I read all the time, I read one literature book and then one psychological book. It creates a certain order... I also go to conferences.
The need to continue to develop and learn accompanied the participants. The exam was a rite of passage which allowed them into the inner sanctum of recognized professionals, but there was an awareness that this was a temporary resting place, and that the process of trying to ‘know’ would continue for many years to come. Some of the supervisees acknowledged feeling differently about themselves as psychologists.
P1 (L 47-48; 174-184, 2nd interview): If I compare the way I felt a year ago, things are clearer to me. I have gained confidence in the things I do… wanting to sound professional, it arouses anxiety… It’s like an organizing symbol. It’s like using medical terms so that both people know what you are talking about. In the beginning of my training, my supervisors didn’t use these concepts very much, like projective identification. Only later. Many of these concepts you have to learn by yourself. Through reading, there are seminars, but even now when I use these definitions, I am very careful, I feel I have to watch myself. I’m not very confident using the language. It also depends what. There are some terms I am more comfortable with.
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Another question that arose was whether supervision after the licensing exam was qualitatively different from supervision before the exam and how this influenced the professional identity of the participants.
L: Do you still receive supervision?
P3 (L 438-441; 450-452): Yes, with the same supervisor. We just continued. When I completed my licensing exam she asked me if I wanted to continue. I said yes. Just the fact that we meet, and think together, and I’m able to take things from the meeting… and it also depends on the supervisee, on her ability to verbalize her experience, it’s not always easy, especially when you see people in different settings.
Supervision after the licensing exam appeared to have a more collegial, relational quality, reinforcing the participants’ experience of belonging to the same professional group. The participants’ new status appeared to influence them sufficiently in their relationships with their supervisors, to project an image of a professional who ‘knows’ and has come to consult, rather than a supervisee who is threatened by possible criticism or riddled with self doubt.
P1 (L 102-114, 2nd interview): It’s like when you become an adult and are no longer living at home, you can come to consult with your parents. I’m thinking about this, or how to understand this, or this and that happened to me. It’s not the same holding that I needed in the beginning, or the need to share all that I am coping with. I have the confidence to accept what I want, part of the things I don’t accept, to ask questions. In the beginning, the supervisor knows and I know less… now both of us know, you have more experience than me, so you probably know more than I do, and I would like to think together with
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you. Let’s look at it from your perspective, from mine, from both… that’s the more relational approach.