It may surprise you to know that the key to successful negotiation is not just knowing what to say and when to say it. Wealth, success, happiness—whatever you desire, you can achieve. Learn the principles to successful negotiation and you can unlock, harness and develop your potential to achieve a new, positive, and success- oriented self-awareness. This chapter covers both the human potential concepts that can help position you to become a better negotiator, and the practical, easy to apply, tactical elements and strategies necessary for powerful negotiation. These tips will help you become a winner, to get what you want—those dreams, wishes and fantasies that will make your life a delight.
1. Realize that you alone are the source of all
the conditions and situations in your life.
The state of your health, your finances, your personal relationships, your professional life—all of it is your doing; yours and no one else’s. Look carefully at any situation in your life and be honest about it. If you are honest with yourself, you will eventually see that, either consciously or subconsciously, you set it up to be that way. Whether you are aware of it or not, you’ve allowed that situation to remain as it is, even though you’ve had the ability to change it all along. When you accept responsibility for creating a situation, you are ready to accept responsibility for changing it. And when you assume responsibility for changing it, you take control of your life.
When you take control of your life, you exhibit power, which is the key to your ability to negotiate. Power is the capacity to get things done, to exercise control over people, events, situations, and oneself. However, power is based on perception—if you think you’ve got it then you’ve got it.
2. Establish clarity of intent.
Your first priority is to establish clarity of intent with no indecisiveness whatsoever. This is half the battle. When you form clarity of intent and stick to it, you will eventually achieve the results you want. Intention leads to action. One important thing to remember: don’t be afraid to make a mistake or change your mind. Your goals exist to serve you; you don’t exist to serve them. You are free to change what you want if it doesn’t suit you. Sometimes there is no way to find out whether or not a particular goal really suits you until you try it. Even if it turns out that it’s not what you want, you will have had the experience of making real progress toward a goal, and you will have learned the practical skills to accomplish it.
3. Apply the concept of willingness.
Willingness is having an open frame of mind; be receptive to the possible, the untried, the unproven. Willingness doesn’t make judgments. It doesn’t make excuses for why things cannot be. It doesn’t refuse what is asked of it, no matter how illogical the request may seem. When you become absolutely clear in your own mind that you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goal, the principle of willingness will start creating shortcuts for you by illuminating the need to do certain things. It brings your goal to you with increasing acceleration and without all the trouble you thought necessary.
The principle that makes willingness work has four parts: a concept, a law, a phenomenon and a power. First: the concept of thoughts as things. Therefore, if a thought is a thing in a physical universe, it is governed by the same physical laws as other things. One of those physical universal laws is second: the law of physical attraction. Things attract things. Whenever you think something, the thought immediately attracts its physical equivalent. Therefore, “What the human mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve,” as Napoleon Hill says. Third, a phenomenon then occurs: the phenomenon of acceleration. When things begin moving toward each other, they move at an ever-increasing rate. The fourth element of the willingness principle is: the power of an open mind.
Commitment, a feeling of confidence that you’ll pursue what you want no matter what happens, is essential. Ask life or other people for that which truly delights, empowers or helps you grow. Hold a firm belief that what you want is so desirable and so important that it is worth doing whatever you must do to get it. To succeed, you must be willing to take risks and to do whatever it takes to accomplish it.
Risk-taking involves mixing courage with common sense. If you don’t take risks, the other side will manipulate you. Intelligent risk-taking requires a willingness to shrug your shoulders and absorb a manageable loss without whining—the chance of a setback is the price you must pay for any progress. You must be willing to give up something in order to get something. You don’t have to do anything, but you must be willing to do it. Non-action is just as capable of producing results as action.
4. Overcome the blocks to asking.
There are three blocks that keep people from asking for what they need: fear, pride, and low self-esteem. Fear is responsible for all the disturbances in life, large or small, international or interpersonal. Hatred, anger, possessiveness, tension, anxiety, greed, inhibition, stress, frustrations, hang-ups, phobias, insecurities ... all are fear-based emotions. Fear paralyzes us and keeps us from acting when we need to act. It could stop us from making a growth choice when it would be in our best interest. In accepting the fear, and living with it, you are imprisoned within it. Courage is a matter of being afraid and choosing to act anyway. When you choose not to act because of fear, you begin to avoid life.
The second block to asking is pride. One form of pride is blaming. It is easier to be a victim and blame others for your circumstances than it is to take responsibility for your life. Realize the futility of blame. From a human potential perspective, blame is self-pity. If you remove the self-pity, all that is left is self-responsibility and the awareness that you are the creator of your own circumstances. Ask your mate, children, parents, in-
laws, employees and friends what they think you should be doing with your life and everyone will give you a different answer. It is your life. You will have to control it.
The third block is low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a self-imposed limitation. The first step to rising above this restrictive thinking is to become clear on your intent in the negotiation. Exactly what do you want, why do you want it, and what are you willing to do to get it? Once you’ve drawn that line, never cross it. Never do anything that lowers your self-esteem. If it adversely affects your well-being, walk away from it. No matter how tense the negotiation gets, never lower your standards just to achieve the goal you desire. Absolutely nothing is worth the extreme negativity a loss of self-respect would bring.
High self-esteem results from what we do in life, not from what we have. When your conduct is below your standard and you don’t correct it, your self-image will suffer. When you do things that make you feel good about yourself, your self-esteem and your self-image is enhanced.
5. Use creative visualization and
imagination to reach your goal.
Prior to any negotiation, do a dress rehearsal. Envision all possible scenarios so that you are prepared. This will enable you to be self-confident. Keep a strong mental picture of what you desire firmly in your mind. Then relax and visualize how you will feel when you attain it. This visualization will release chemicals in your brain, causing a pleasure reaction the same as if you had already attained your goal. This positive feedback will encourage you to continue reaching for your goal.
6. Ask the right person.
Try not to negotiate with a person who lacks authority; it’s a waste of your time. Ask the appropriate person or keep looking until you find the right person. Don’t be afraid to approach successful people. Approach an intermediary. Ask someone who can and who wants to say yes. Explain why you need assistance. Show how the person’s help will make a difference; people will want to help you if your purpose seems sound and good. Show that you intend to give your best efforts; if you ask for help without putting forth your best efforts, people won’t be eager to assist you.
7. Ask effectively.
If you ask in the right way, anything is possible. You can have whatever you want in life: wealth, material goods, happiness, rich life experiences, fulfilling relationships, and more. Before you ask, know what you really need or want. Remember, you must have clarity of intent. Certainty inspires confidence and support.
Ask for the essentials first. This is very important. The people who get what they want
in this world are those who can work and live lean. Cut back your unrealistic desires and be selective in what you ask for; don’t ask for the wrong things. Too many people think that luxuries are necessities and their wants become endless. Sometimes people ask for things that will not help them get what they really want.
8. How you ask is as important as what you ask:
Use cleverness and humor in your approach.
Learn to ask artfully. Getting what you want in life sometimes requires the courage to try a new direction when what you’re doing doesn’t seem to be getting you what you need. Use cleverness and humor in your approach; it not only arouses curiosity, it also frequently overcomes resistance or opposition. A clever or imaginative request is often memorable, and can make more of an impression on others. Don’t limit yourself to talking or writing; try asking with more than just words—ask with your actions, too. Try different angles. Use your creativity and be flexible in making requests. If one approach doesn’t work, try another. Ask—with a smile, by example, through a gesture.
9. Don’t be an island. Garner
support and include other people.
Involve the other person in what you’re asking for; this will draw them to your side. Persuade others to help, get them involved in the planning and decision making, and they will shoulder part of the burden. Your ability to gain the commitment of others magnifies the impact of your words and gives you power. By dispersing the overall risk through the support of others, you can use circumstances to your best advantage while lessening your own stress levels.
When you ask for something, go beyond yourself; help the person you’re asking, to go beyond him or herself too. Include other people in your dreams and desires. Share what you have; you’ll appreciate what you have all the more because the spirit of sharing will enrich your life. Remember, people support that which they help create.
10. Be your own expert.
If the negotiation is important enough to win, it is worth your time to prepare for. Compose a checklist of points to be covered. Try to have all the relevant facts at hand. Offer evidence: facts, figures, expert opinions, and keep your reference materials within easy reach. Learn to be your own expert. Establish your background and credentials early in the negotiation. Use the power of legitimacy; documents carry authority and people tend not to question the printed word. Use the power of precedent: justify what you’re asking for by referring to other similar situations, but be careful to use an example with the outcome beneficial to you, or this can backfire.
11. Never let them know your deadline.
Be aware of the time element when you negotiate. The way you view and use time can be crucial to your success. The other side always has a time limitation or a deadline. Your best strategy is not to reveal your own deadline. If you are aware of their time limits and they don’t know yours, you will have the advantage. Be calm, patient and alert for the favorable moment to act. If you are able to project an attitude of having all the time in the world to conduct negotiation, frequently the other side will give you what you want in order to end the encounter. Always be relaxed and calm.
12. Determine the other person’s unspoken needs.
In any negotiation, there are two things being bargained for: the specific issues and demands—the points under negotiation, and the unspoken needs, which are usually the
real needs of the other side. Logic in and of itself will rarely influence people. If you
want to persuade people, show the immediate relevance and value of what you’re saying in terms of meeting their needs and desires. Be sensitive to the nonverbal cues the other is giving. A vital piece of information in any negotiation is a knowledge of the other party’s real limits. Very often, this can be determined by looking at the concessions the other side offers. The pattern of concessions can be the real clue to just how far others will go. In order to successfully negotiate with anyone, you are virtually assured of success if you can determine what the other’s needs really are and fulfill them. The old cliché has a lot of truth to it: give, in order to receive.
13. Approach each person on a human level.
Give the person you’re negotiating with respect, appreciation, human warmth, understanding, the prospect of future success or credit. Courtesy and respect for others will make people think a little more kindly of you. It will open their minds to your needs or interests and predispose them to consider your request more favorably. No matter what you want from others, you’re more likely to get it if you show sincere respect. Also, give the other person the right to say no. But always give something to the other person. Get the other person to identify with you by acting professionally and reasonably. In this way you will gain their cooperation, loyalty and respect. Try to convey understanding and empathy; speak to the other person’s needs, hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Approach each person on a human level with the hope that you can help them solve their own problem.
14. Request or invite, never demand or beg.
These are the two biggest mistakes you can make in negotiating what you want. How to tell if you are demanding rather than making a request: demands usually take one of two forms—abusiveness or threats. Begging is demanding and shows a sense of insecurity. In many cases, people do not realize they are begging, but apple polishing, insincere flattery, whining and complaining are forms of begging. Never ask from weakness, even if you are down and out. Never ask with a sledgehammer, even if you’ve got one. Be dignified but not pompous.
15. Dress appropriately.
The first four minutes will determine a great deal of the outcome in any negotiation. In addition to having your case well-prepared, be careful about your appearance. Appearances do count; even the best-laid plans can backfire if your personal appearance is not appropriate. You don’t need to have lots of money or to dress expensively, but it is important to be well-groomed and dressed neatly. Lack of concern for you appearance implies casualness and a lack of respect for the other person. Also, show respect in word and deed. Look cheerful; communicate confidence with your body language. Create a comfort zone. Respect the other person’s time. Don’t contradict people. Make people feel
important; say “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry” when these phrases are called for. Say thanks in advance. When you’re wrong say so.
16. Schedule negotiations in your own
office or surroundings.
When possible, schedule negotiations in your own office or surroundings. Studies show that negotiations are more likely to be decided in favor of the one whose territory they are conducted in. Familiar surroundings will put you at ease while giving you a subliminal edge over your opponent. When it is not possible to schedule negotiations in your own surroundings, choose a neutral location for the negotiation; you won’t have the edge of being on your own territory, but neither will the other person.
17. Eat the right meal at the right time.
Negotiating over a power lunch or breakfast can assist your negotiation skills. Brain foods, such as fish, liver and eggs supply lecithin and choline, which are nutrients that maintain and enhance the brain’s ability to reason. If you are concerned about cholesterol levels, other good sources of lecithin and choline include cabbage, cauliflower and soybeans. Choline contributes to optimal brain performance by increasing the rate of the brain’s metabolism. It maintains the structural integrity of the synapses, which are the points of communication between brain cells. Your overall diet plays a key role in negotiating, for it affects not only how you look but how you feel. A good diet will enable you to project that aura of power and charisma necessary to successful negotiation.
You can regulate your brain’s performance and keep your levels of energy high during negotiations not only by what you eat but by when you eat it. Post-meal drowsiness can cause you to flub an important negotiation. Instead, to keep your body firing on all cylinders, keep carbohydrate intake at breakfast and lunch to a minimum. Emphasize protein in your morning and midday meal; it will keep you alert.
18. Use stress-reducing strategies to
ease physical and emotional tension.
No matter how important your negotiations are, your number one enemy is stress. Stress produces anxiety and worry, narrowing your focus of attention so important cues and perceptions may be missed. You will perform best when you are in a calm, relaxed state of mind. Continued tension, turmoil and anxiety clutter your mind, decreasing your thinking and negotiating ability. It may seem difficult to deliberately force yourself not to worry, but worry is directly related to physical tension. Ease the physical tension and your mind will follow. Soothing music, deep breathing, meditation, yoga, regular